Whew! Well Loves, this has been an interesting month, hey?
We’re entering the New Moon phase, which is all about rest, introspection, and new beginnings. It has me wondering:
•What does Rest look like for you right now?
•What have you been learning about yourself in the past month?
•What new beginnings are you preparing for?
I’ll start: REST for me has been very much about allowing my body to recover from the first round of chemo. It’s looked like saying “No” or “Not Now” to everything that I can, instead of my usual recovering Type A habit of pushing myself through to the point of collapse. (Hello, that’s not healthy in any circumstance!)
INTROSPECTION has been teaching me some pretty cool things about myself. Qualities like resilience, courage, strength, joyfullness, creativity, and wisdom that I have tended to overlook or diminish for fear of “what people might think” because let’s be honest- being judged sucks, and… it’s going to happen anyway so you might as well be true to yourself.
NEW BEGINNINGS well hot damn, as corny and cheesy as it may sound every day really is a gift. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up alive in this body, and- I still sometimes have to remind myself this throughout the day. Today, for example, if things had gone to plan I would be in Australia for the start of an epic, around-the-world honeymoon with my gorgeous husband. Instead, I am writing from our dining room table for a change of scenery. It’s not quite the same! 😂 And, it’s still pretty fucking great.
Okay, your turn! Tell me what’s what in your world today. I miss you.
For the month of March, I will be continuing my exploration of Whole-Self Love with a particular focus on the importance of Self Care. I will be sharing some of my own rituals, as well as those from some of my favorite folx around the world. Enjoy!
What does ‘Self Care’ mean to you? Does it conjure up images of a spoiled princess or celebrity whose every whim is being attended to by her groveling personal staff? Do you tend to write it off as something decadent, frivolous and/or unrealistic for you? I know that if you’re anything like me, chances are that you’ve spent a lot of your life resisting or flat out rejecting the idea of Self-Care as being something for you to indulge in while simultaneously labeling it as SELFISH, and therefore, BAD. This, my friend, is the first step: recognizing that Self-Care is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good and necessary thing that every adult deserves to experience for optimum health. Truly, it’s about providing the care that your body, mind, soul and spirit need to support you throughout your time here on the planet.
GOOD NEWS: Creating a personal self-care practice that feels lush, supportive, and satisfying is not as hard to do as you might think. It doesn’t have to break the bank, either! It’s helpful to remind ourselves that Self-Care does not necessitate Luxury. Self-Care is so much more than 24k Gold facials, Champagne bubble baths, or having a private masseuse on call 24/7 (although that would be the kind of luxurious amenities that I could learn to get used to). Luxury items and experiences are wonderful, and if you can have the privilege of access to them then please do so with total enjoyment; but if you aren’t a princess or a celebrity or a millionaire don’t fall for the mistaken thinking that it’s got to be all-or-nothing. Self-Care isn’t selfish, and it’s not just for the super-rich.
Tip of the Week: Build on the Basics
START WHERE YOU ARE: When you are trying to figure out what a regular Self-Care practice can look like for you, begin with finding your baseline then build from there. By simply taking some time to examine what you are currently doing, it’s easy to map out a cultivated routine that suits you.
We all have some basic maintenance requirements for these fabulous human bodies that we live in which include food, water, sleep, and shelter. These are non-negotiable for our survival. We must recognize that each of these 4 areas can be enhanced to build a practice of Self-Care. Additionally, you may have a body that is able to include movement as part of its daily experience, and you may also be in a position to enjoy access to clothing, bathing, community, education, and healthcare. All of these have the potential to be developed into something that enriches and supports you physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally for a holistic approach to Self-Care.
Loving and caring for our physical body starts with basic maintenance and expands to suit our individual preferences and abilities. Food and Water becomes an adventure in nourishment. Sleep and Shelter becomes a commitment to daily restoration. Movement becomes stretching, strengthening, challenging, and exploring what your body can do. Bathing andClothing evolve into personal grooming, tending, pleasuring, delighting, adorning, and expressing. Community, Education, and Healthcare turn into opportunities for including, accepting, embracing, expanding, soothing, and healing. Can you see the difference? Does this open your mind to new possibilities?
Food for Thought
Self-Care that makes sense will be tailored to YOU. It will take into account your individual needs and wants, it will fit into your current lifestyle and it will adapt accordingly as your life and your body change. Some questions to reflect on:
How do you currently care for the body that you live in?
Which of the 4 basic maintenance areas (food, water, sleep, and shelter) can you improve for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
Which of the 6 additional areas (movement, bathing, clothing, community, education, healthcare) can you build on for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
It takes courage to get to know yourself, so Bravo! I see you and I salute you as you take these positive steps towards Transformation. PLEASE do not be tempted to use your answers to these questions to heap shame on yourself. You are not a bad person, you are not “doing it wrong” or failing at life. Instead, use your answers as information to help you make new choices moving forward.
If you have questions about how to take some next steps in creating your own Self-Care routine and rituals, why don’t you go ahead and schedule a free consultation call with me? I would love to have a quick chat with you. Click on the “Schedule” button at the top of this page today to set up a no-obligation call or video conference with me.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that we have all experienced (or have had someone close to us experience) falling for someone who is soooo not right for us. Someone who you are so attracted to, knowing full well that there’s just something “off” but you convince yourself that it’s not really a big deal, or justifiable, or somehow you can work through it together for Love. Someone who makes you second guess yourself, twist to conform, dumb down, or dim your light because it’s just too damn bright for them to handle.
I mean, I get it- I personally have given myself away to men like Luke P. in the past, seduced by the pretty packaging while blowing past all of the early red flags until it was too late to pull out of the relationship without a big mess.
In my 20’s -and even in my 30’s- I was so entangled in the drama that I lost myself, my voice, my power, and permanently damaged some friendships and family connections as a result. In more than one such relationship, it nearly cost me my life. The injuries I sustained were physical (some I still carry to this day), but also deeply wounding emotionally and eventually led me to seek professional guidance from a great therapist or two.
So, when I watch shows like The Bachelorette for fun and cheesiness, I can’t ignore the twisty feelings in my gut that come up when watching the Luke P. scenes. I recognize those feelings, because the truth is that our bodies hold our stories- for better or worse. We have a physical response that reflects our past traumatic experiences, reminding us that we don’t want to go through that shame and pain again.
One of the most important messages I can ever share, whether I am speaking to a room full of women, or a classroom of young people, or 1:1 in coaching sessions is this: You don’t have to change or hide your true self to earn true Love.
If you are stuck in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) where you don’t feel like you can really be yourself, I invite you to schedule a chat with me for some personal empowerment coaching. *And especially if you are in a situation that is not safe- call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233*
Ohhhh my goodness! Have you ever found yourself swept up in the painful and confusing feeling that someone else’s mess [shit] is being personally directed at you?
I’ve seen this show up as people seemingly (or even actually) ignoring you, flaking out on their agreements, passive-aggressiveness, or even with rude/angry/abusive comments. Any or all of these things can be hurtful to you as an individual, and damaging to your relationship with the other person. So how do you find the positivity in situations like this?
1- You have to start by recognizing that this is their shit, not yours. They are showing up to the situation in their own shadowy behavior through no fault of your own.
2- And while they may or may not realize what they’re doing, it’s your responsibility to protect your own energy and your peace. So don’t be afraid to remove yourself from their negativity for as long as YOU need to.
3- Keep your own space clean by taking the time for some introspection. Notice what feelings and thoughts come up in you, and address them. Extend the other person grace, first in your own heart and from a distance if necessary. Wish them healing & peace, without trying to “fix” them (that’s not your job).
Questions or want to chat about this? Schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me and let’s see where Transformational Positivity can help.
It is thought that each person we encounter is in some way a mirror of ourselves (and vice versa).
I invite you to take a few minutes and, using a recent unpleasant interaction as your guide, take a quick self check-up. Here are some questions/journal prompts to consider:
• Without filtering your response– what did you like and dislike most about that person? Write it all down. Don’t censor yourself, this is important information to gather.
• Again, withoutfiltering your response– what did you like and dislike most about your interaction or conversation with that person? Write it all down. Don’t censor yourself, this also is important information.
• Feelings Inventory- How did your interaction or conversation with the person make you feel? Go back to what you wrote and underline the words that stand out and evoke a strong emotion or reaction.
• Integrity Reflection– How do any of your negative thoughts towards this person and your interaction or conversation with them relate back to yourself? Notice any ways that your own words, attitudes or actions may have created these same hard or negative feelings in someone else- either intentionally or not.
Now, take a deep breath and look over what you’ve written. Notice any shifts in your energy and emotions.
• Moving Forward- Now that you have had a good “look in the mirror” it’s important to recognize where are you showing up well, and where you need to do some more shadow-integration work. It’s very important to be extra-gentle and kind with yourself, especially if you’ve had a realization that some of your own inner-asshole behavior has just been checked.
You may also sense a need to ask for and/or offer forgiveness at this point- explore that, and act accordingly if it is safe for you to do so.
Becoming more self-aware is not always easy and isn’t always full of sparkles & rainbows, but it is absolutely vital to our personal growth. Doing a quick self check-up like this is one way to keep yourself on a positive path towards your best self.
BUILDING YOUR BEST LIFE: At the beginning of the weekend, my fiancé and I had our “open wall” walkthrough of the new house. This is the home as it looked on Friday morning, just prior to the next round of inspections. We met with our GC/Foreman and did a literal walk-through of the property, while the expert told us everything we could ever want to know about it. We were encouraged to ask questions, and found it fascinating to learn not only about the specific materials used, but why the builder is so particular about what goes into each home. It was a good feeling to be able to see behind the scenes and know that we are getting exactly what we want, without corners being cut or important steps being hidden. Fascinating! (No, really!)
So of course, it got me thinking: When we are building our own best life ever, how important is it to pause and check in with ourselves as the Master & Creator of our reality? How powerful is it for us to inspect our own internal “construction project” and see specifically What we are putting in, & Why it matters?
I love to help my clients see that we build the home that our souls live in every day, with every choice. It all matters. And you know what? You really do deserve to imagine, create, & build your own best life.
Schedule a free consultation call with me today to get started!
Today I had a moment of clarity that froze me in my tracks. My cousin Nicole and I were in the midst of recording an episode for our podcast, and something we were talking about triggered a powerful message.
I went blank as the divine download was coming in, and couldn’t speak in the moment. I held on, breathed through it, and waited until I could continue our conversation.
It was deep, y’all!
I knew I would need some time to process what was happening inside me, and gave myself the immediate space I needed. I checked in, and found resonance. It took a hot minute, but I faced the thing inside my belly that was ugly & shameful: an old story of unworthiness & a need to be rescued- and met it with love & grace.
I have found that on this road of healing, the most beautiful moment is when we finally discover the Truth: We came into this world as already worthy, not as something flawed and broken.
We are just making our way back to that space of perfect knowing, that place of reverence, awe & acceptance, while discovering the magic along the way. We step in shit, we get messy, we peel away layers of the old stories and lies until we get back to the truth, the light, the love. THAT is the journey.
Whenever I can pause and see how far I have come, I am grateful. There is still a long way to go, and I love each new day I’m given to keep exploring this life.
PS- I’m not entirely sure how this will manifest- maybe as a video series, book, workshop or course- but it looks like I have some more work to do around forgiveness and making amends. Hit reply or join my email newsletter list and let me know if this is something that you would be interested in learning more about.
The Long Winter’s Night, Winter Solstice (northern hemisphere) gifts us with the shortest amount of daylight. In this typically hectic time of year, it’s an invitation to choose to set down your stress and burdens in exchange for a little more peace, a little more quiet, a little more rest.
Instead of trying to cram in MORE more more in less time, Why not shut it down a little early tonight and gift yourself with a hard reset?
Enjoy a little longer glimpse of the star-filled night sky, the twinkling lights of the holidays, or even a little extra pillow time. You’ll be back tomorrow refreshed and shining even brighter. 💖🦋
Hello Loves! If you are looking to pick up a great little gift this week, I invite you to grab a copy of my self-help booklet, The Blessings Butterfly Companion Guide. You can get the paperback on Amazon for just $6.99, or $4.99 for the Kindle version (prices may be slightly more outside US).
It’s a Positivity-focused collection of my original 31 daily blessings & affirmations, along with added meditations and space to journal your thoughts. The format delivers an easy read and a month’s worth of inspiration & insight to help you cultivate a more mindful, positive outlook and a healthy habit of radical self-love.
I donate a dollar from every book sold to help support women’s empowerment projects around the world, so you can feel good about getting a copy for yourself and a few for gifts, too.
Being a mindset coach can seem like a frivolous and fluffy profession; a joke, a sham, a hoax. Kind of like when I tell people that I’m a writer and they respond incredulously with, “You can make a living doing that?” After the stinging slap to my face has dissipated, I smile and say as sweetly as I can muster, “Yes, and I am grateful for the opportunity to use my gifts in this way.”
But it isn’t easy. The lessons I am learning about myself and the battles I continue to face in struggling with my own inner critic, my demons, or my shadow self, are incredibly painful at times. Healing is messy. And sometimes pretty scary- but always, ultimately, worth it.
And this is where mindset work comes in, opening the door with a shiny, gold-embossed invitation to step into your mess and do the deeper work of inner healing. To dig out the shit that has been shoved waaaayyyy back inside your closet, take a good look at it, remember why you kept it, and finally fucking deal with it.
It is not enough to simply say, “Change your mindset!” and expect that is all that needs to happen. Oh Honey, no. It’s a critical piece for healing, an important piece, but definitely not the only piece. All the mantras and positive affirmations in the world cannot substitute for doing the inner work.
One of the mindset areas where I am working on now (always?) is self love and worthiness. Let me just tell you, it’s hard. I will be moving forward for months, gaining ground, peeling away layers and layers of old pain and revealing beautiful parts of my deepest self, when seemingly out of nowhere I stumble and hit HARD into a stubborn box of self-loathing. I’m shocked by the angry, ugly words and feelings of fear and shame that lie festering in that box. I will do most anything to avoid opening it, and I would rather lock it up and hide it far back into a dark corner, maybe throw a box of shiny ornaments on top of it to help me forget it’s even there at all.
But it’s not going anywhere, is it. NOPE. And there is nobody who can take the lid off and sort through it’s dusty contents except for me. Even though it is totally up to me to decide when and where and how much I am ready to address my issues and begin healing those old inner wounds, I know that I do not have to do it alone. Neither do you! This is where we get to assemble our own team of super heroes: therapists, energy healers, prayer warriors, and life coaches who specialize in the areas where we need help. These professionals are gifted and ready to help us to uncover whatever is blocking us, and then guide us to be our very best self. Equipped. Enlightened. Empowered!
I will begin working with my own coach in the next couple of weeks, and I’m excited for it! Will there be hard things to process along the way? Ummm, yeah! For sure. Good things are on the other side of that though, and will ultimately make me a better coach too. I hope to share some of my best lessons with you.
Want to work with me to break through some of your own blocks? Schedule a free 30 minute chat to get started.