Tag: self help

Without Condition

Written by Tina Falk, Guest Contributor

{watercolor painting with the words Dream, Certainty, Soar, Forgive, Success drawn in different colors of hand lettering. There is a multi-colored border of watercolors surround the words.]
Original artwork by Tina Falk

There’s a remarkable woman I know. A little bit on a personal level, but on a heart and soul level—I see her and she is pretty fxcking cool. I’ve witnessed her strength, and grace, and ability to consider others even during challenging personal moments. She’s someone I look to to remind me that we are far deeper and greater than our circumstances and that we can embody so much at one time. We can be fearful and hopeful, we can be grieving while dreaming, or even centered on self while being of service to others. 

I was incredibly honored, but a bit taken aback when this strong woman, Michelle Lewis, private-messaged me asking if I would write about how I show up to life with love, courage, respect, compassion and peace for MY SELF. So I got curious and started asking myself how I show up to life as a strong woman who embodies these high-vibe traits. ‘Cause man, does Michelle do it well!

Here’s what I know . . . I show up best to life through self-assessment.

tina falk

It’s only when I know ME in the moment that I can make the necessary adjustments. And sometimes those are bold changes towards setting clear boundaries and loving myself. I learned 25 years ago, from one of my master teachers, that checking in with myself first was solid good practice for how to address any challenges whether situational or relationship wise. We are co-creators. We’re all in this together and if I don’t check in with myself to see what my role in “this” is, then I am missing the mark. Let me share a bold decision I made a few years ago that propelled me to the life I live now.

I was 50 (for those of you who know western astrology this is during a Chiron return and mine is in my first house—childhood wounds and trauma). It was Thanksgiving day. I shared a story with someone about my unhealthy, one-sided, and confusing relationship with my father. The person I was sharing this with was shocked, as they had known me my whole life. “Tina, I had no idea,” they replied with concern. Then they shared one thought that changed everything. 

“I wonder if he (my father) has Narcissistic Personality Disorder?” My whole life flashed before my eyes—like a video replay. And I heard myself say, “No wonder he doesn’t love me. It’s not my fault.” My eyes filled with tears, my heart pounded and I was devastated. AND I felt an indescribable sense of freedom.

I had spent my entire life wondering what I had to do to be seen and loved by this man. And now on the heels of this new aha! moment was a deep dive into understanding this disorder and what I was going to do about it. After weeks of research and consulting professionals, I had made one of the most challenging decisions of my life—to go NO CONTACT. 

Well, it’s been 5 years and it’s like he didn’t even notice. My own father hasn’t reached out to me nor his grandchildren. He moved on to his next source. MY GAWD! what a relief to come to this realization, that my own birth father, someone who was supposed to protect me and love me without condition, dropped the ball because of who HE is……NOT who I am. 

It was devastating because I knew no matter what I did things would never change. I doubted my decision for a while, grieved for a couple years, and to this day still think about him. Sometimes with anger, but mostly with gratitude for my awareness and the decision I made to protect myself and my family. Aside from not having to anxiously navigate that messed up relationship anymore, I needed to find purpose and meaning in it. Like Why? Why would I have picked him to be my father? Why would I have agreed to this? 

[blue sea under blue sky. a castle sits atop an island in the distance.]
Photo by Riccardo Bertolo on Pexels.com

What am I here to learn?

I was working with a Body and Emotion Code therapist, a couple years after my no contact decision, who sweetly yet firmly responded to my questions. She said, “You are here, as Tina, to learn unconditional love. In fact, you are getting your PhD in Unconditional Love. God wouldn’t put you in a family that knew how to love unconditionally. You wouldn’t learn that way, right?” Crap. Made total sense. 

This was a very empowering time for me. I felt rebellious and free!!! — to discover who I am rather than who I thought I had to be in the eyes of others. It was in the stars, right? Thanks Chiron. The timing was divine and each day moving forward I gained a greater sense of compassion (not pity) for myself. I have created a life of peace. A life that is at my pace, in my time, with my boundaries, plenty of rest and quiet, and bringing in moments of ceremony—like lighting a candle, reciting mantras, breathing, journaling, nature walks, and fire burning. I love to connect with others through my passion of Chinese metaphysics and astrology. And, I pay forward the gifts I’ve been given by teaching, as well as donating energy to charitable organizations that assist children who feel alone, hungry and scared.

Check in with Yourself

I’m still checking in with myself. It’s a habit now, it’s just how I do things. Not everyone has that skill—my father sure didn’t. Once I realized my role in enabling this nonsense and toxicity to continue, it was an easy call. I did what I did because I love and respect myself. The consequences of that decision have blessed me. I’m aware of the lifetime of trauma that came from this relationship. I’m more aware of what my wounds are and what stress responses I have because of them. I am learning to take all that love, respect, and compassion I have offered others and direct it upon myself by creating a life that is intentional, meaningful and peaceful. 

It’s never too late to love yourself. Check in. Ask questions. What are you co-creating? Is it serving your highest well being? How are you going to love yourself today? 

Tina Falk BFA, Certified Feng Shui Practitioner, Chinese Astrologer & Metaphysician

A lovely fair-skinned woman stands outdoors. She is clothed in a white v-neck shirt and a dark cardigan with geometric print details layered over it. Her hair is very long and warm brown. She smiles peacefully at the camera.]

About Tina:

I am Tina Falk, a Chinese Metaphysician and Astrologer. I’ve been practicing this way of life since 2005. My goal is to provide a professional and intuitive perspective to enhance your awareness and appreciation of Self and Space. My role is to bring you into a place of being in gratitude, creating conscious intentions, taking action and believing in your own power. This will propel you into a more meaningful and purposeful life. I am a classically trained feng shui practitioner who also incorporates Landform and BTB principles. And to me, the most exciting aspect is integration of your 4 Pillar Chinese astrology charts. My approach allows me to personalize your whole feng shui experience! I can make recommendations that are specific to you, and each member of your family or business team. Everyone deserves that personal attention. Overall, I am here to support — sometimes with a firm stance, but always with love and empathy — and to inspire a new way in which you see the world and your place in it. Feng shui has enriched my life by revealing everything from the insanely obvious to the subtlest of energy in our surroundings. We are sensitive beings and when we can connect and create a sacred relationship with ourselves, our space and others…damn, life gets exciting and motivating! Feng Shui has been a true gift to me . . . and my family. I intend for it to be the same for you. 

Connect with Tina: VIA Feng Shui Instagram

Want to read more articles on Self-Love and Acceptance? Try These: Self-Care for Self Love Transformational Positivity and the 4 Pillars

All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

New Moon, New Beginnings

Whew! Well Loves, this has been an interesting month, hey?

We’re entering the New Moon phase, which is all about rest, introspection, and new beginnings. It has me wondering:

•What does Rest look like for you right now?

What have you been learning about yourself in the past month?

What new beginnings are you preparing for?

I’ll start:
REST for me has been very much about allowing my body to recover from the first round of chemo. It’s looked like saying “No” or “Not Now” to everything that I can, instead of my usual recovering Type A habit of pushing myself through to the point of collapse. (Hello, that’s not healthy in any circumstance!)

INTROSPECTION has been teaching me some pretty cool things about myself. Qualities like resilience, courage, strength, joyfullness, creativity, and wisdom that I have tended to overlook or diminish for fear of “what people might think” because let’s be honest- being judged sucks, and… it’s going to happen anyway so you might as well be true to yourself.

NEW BEGINNINGS well hot damn, as corny and cheesy as it may sound every day really is a gift. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up alive in this body, and- I still sometimes have to remind myself this throughout the day. Today, for example, if things had gone to plan I would be in Australia for the start of an epic, around-the-world honeymoon with my gorgeous husband. Instead, I am writing from our dining room table for a change of scenery. It’s not quite the same! 😂 And, it’s still pretty fucking great.

Okay, your turn! Tell me what’s what in your world today. I miss you.

💖🙏🦋

Today instead of starting our around the world honeymoon in Sydney, Australia- I’m bald and writing from our dining room table in Southern California.
Saturday was my wedding day! The day that my hair began falling out by the handful from chemo. Barely enough to hold my veil in place!

Self Care for Whole-Self Love

For the month of March, I will be continuing my exploration of Whole-Self Love with a particular focus on the importance of Self Care. I will be sharing some of my own rituals, as well as those from some of my favorite folx around the world. Enjoy!

What does ‘Self Care’ mean to you? Does it conjure up images of a spoiled princess or celebrity whose every whim is being attended to by her groveling personal staff? Do you tend to write it off as something decadent, frivolous and/or unrealistic for you? I know that if you’re anything like me, chances are that you’ve spent a lot of your life resisting or flat out rejecting the idea of Self-Care as being something for you to indulge in while simultaneously labeling it as SELFISH, and therefore, BAD. This, my friend, is the first step: recognizing that Self-Care is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good and necessary thing that every adult deserves to experience for optimum health. Truly, it’s about providing the care that your body, mind, soul and spirit need to support you throughout your time here on the planet.

GOOD NEWS: Creating a personal self-care practice that feels lush, supportive, and satisfying is not as hard to do as you might think. It doesn’t have to break the bank, either! It’s helpful to remind ourselves that Self-Care does not necessitate Luxury. Self-Care is so much more than 24k Gold facials, Champagne bubble baths, or having a private masseuse on call 24/7 (although that would be the kind of luxurious amenities that I could learn to get used to). Luxury items and experiences are wonderful, and if you can have the privilege of access to them then please do so with total enjoyment; but if you aren’t a princess or a celebrity or a millionaire don’t fall for the mistaken thinking that it’s got to be all-or-nothing. Self-Care isn’t selfish, and it’s not just for the super-rich.

Tip of the Week: Build on the Basics

START WHERE YOU ARE: When you are trying to figure out what a regular Self-Care practice can look like for you, begin with finding your baseline then build from there. By simply taking some time to examine what you are currently doing, it’s easy to map out a cultivated routine that suits you.

We all have some basic maintenance requirements for these fabulous human bodies that we live in which include food, water, sleep, and shelter. These are non-negotiable for our survival. We must recognize that each of these 4 areas can be enhanced to build a practice of Self-Care. Additionally, you may have a body that is able to include movement as part of its daily experience, and you may also be in a position to enjoy access to clothing, bathing, community, education, and healthcare. All of these have the potential to be developed into something that enriches and supports you physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally for a holistic approach to Self-Care.

Loving and caring for our physical body starts with basic maintenance and expands to suit our individual preferences and abilities. Food and Water becomes an adventure in nourishment. Sleep and Shelter becomes a commitment to daily restoration. Movement becomes stretching, strengthening, challenging, and exploring what your body can do. Bathing and Clothing evolve into personal grooming, tending, pleasuring, delighting, adorning, and expressing. Community, Education, and Healthcare turn into opportunities for including, accepting, embracing, expanding, soothing, and healing. Can you see the difference? Does this open your mind to new possibilities?

 Food for Thought

Self-Care that makes sense will be tailored to YOU. It will take into account your individual needs and wants, it will fit into your current lifestyle and it will adapt accordingly as your life and your body change. Some questions to reflect on:

  1. How do you currently care for the body that you live in?
  2. Which of the 4 basic maintenance areas (food, water, sleep, and shelter) can you improve for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
  3. Which of the 6 additional areas (movement, bathing, clothing, community, education, healthcare) can you build on for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.

It takes courage to get to know yourself, so Bravo! I see you and I salute you as you take these positive steps towards Transformation. PLEASE do not be tempted to use your answers to these questions to heap shame on yourself. You are not a bad person, you are not “doing it wrong” or failing at life. Instead, use your answers as information to help you make new choices moving forward.

If you have questions about how to take some next steps in creating your own Self-Care routine and rituals, why don’t you go ahead and schedule a free consultation call with me? I would love to have a quick chat with you. Click on the “Schedule” button at the top of this page today to set up a no-obligation call or video conference with me.

The Bachelorette, Gaslighting, and True Love

Bachelorette Fans: Let’s Discuss 🌹

I think it’s pretty safe to say that we have all experienced (or have had someone close to us experience) falling for someone who is soooo not right for us. Someone who you are so attracted to, knowing full well that there’s just something “off” but you convince yourself that it’s not really a big deal, or justifiable, or somehow you can work through it together for Love. Someone who makes you second guess yourself, twist to conform, dumb down, or dim your light because it’s just too damn bright for them to handle.

I mean, I get it- I personally have given myself away to men like Luke P. in the past, seduced by the pretty packaging while blowing past all of the early red flags until it was too late to pull out of the relationship without a big mess.

In my 20’s -and even in my 30’s- I was so entangled in the drama that I lost myself, my voice, my power, and permanently damaged some friendships and family connections as a result. In more than one such relationship, it nearly cost me my life. The injuries I sustained were physical (some I still carry to this day), but also deeply wounding emotionally and eventually led me to seek professional guidance from a great therapist or two.

So, when I watch shows like The Bachelorette for fun and cheesiness, I can’t ignore the twisty feelings in my gut that come up when watching the Luke P. scenes. I recognize those feelings, because the truth is that our bodies hold our stories- for better or worse. We have a physical response that reflects our past traumatic experiences, reminding us that we don’t want to go through that shame and pain again.

One of the most important messages I can ever share, whether I am speaking to a room full of women, or a classroom of young people, or 1:1 in coaching sessions is this: You don’t have to change or hide your true self to earn true Love.

If you are stuck in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) where you don’t feel like you can really be yourself, I invite you to schedule a chat with me for some personal empowerment coaching. *And especially if you are in a situation that is not safe- call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233*

It’s Really NOT Personal: When You Find Yourself in the Middle of Someone Else’s Mess

Ohhhh my goodness! Have you ever found yourself swept up in the painful and confusing feeling that someone else’s mess [shit] is being personally directed at you?

I’ve seen this show up as people seemingly (or even actually) ignoring you, flaking out on their agreements, passive-aggressiveness, or even with rude/angry/abusive comments. Any or all of these things can be hurtful to you as an individual, and damaging to your relationship with the other person. So how do you find the positivity in situations like this?

1- You have to start by recognizing that this is their shit, not yours. They are showing up to the situation in their own shadowy behavior through no fault of your own.

2- And while they may or may not realize what they’re doing, it’s your responsibility to protect your own energy and your peace. So don’t be afraid to remove yourself from their negativity for as long as YOU need to.

3- Keep your own space clean by taking the time for some introspection. Notice what feelings and thoughts come up in you, and address them. Extend the other person grace, first in your own heart and from a distance if necessary. Wish them healing & peace, without trying to “fix” them (that’s not your job).

Questions or want to chat about this? Schedule a free 30 minute consultation with me and let’s see where Transformational Positivity can help.

A Quick Self Check-Up

It is thought that each person we encounter is in some way a mirror of ourselves (and vice versa).

I invite you to take a few minutes and, using a recent unpleasant interaction as your guide, take a quick self check-up. Here are some questions/journal prompts to consider:

Without filtering your responsewhat did you like and dislike most about that person? Write it all down. Don’t censor yourself, this is important information to gather.

Again, without filtering your responsewhat did you like and dislike most about your interaction or conversation with that person? Write it all down. Don’t censor yourself, this also is important information.

Feelings Inventory- How did your interaction or conversation with the person make you feel? Go back to what you wrote and underline the words that stand out and evoke a strong emotion or reaction.

Integrity ReflectionHow do any of your negative thoughts towards this person and your interaction or conversation with them relate back to yourself? Notice any ways that your own words, attitudes or actions may have created these same hard or negative feelings in someone else- either intentionally or not.

Now, take a deep breath and look over what you’ve written. Notice any shifts in your energy and emotions.

Moving Forward- Now that you have had a good “look in the mirror” it’s important to recognize where are you showing up well, and where you need to do some more shadow-integration work. It’s very important to be extra-gentle and kind with yourself, especially if you’ve had a realization that some of your own inner-asshole behavior has just been checked.

You may also sense a need to ask for and/or offer forgiveness at this point- explore that, and act accordingly if it is safe for you to do so.

Becoming more self-aware is not always easy and isn’t always full of sparkles & rainbows, but it is absolutely vital to our personal growth. Doing a quick self check-up like this is one way to keep yourself on a positive path towards your best self.

A Look Inside Your Walls

BUILDING YOUR BEST LIFE: At the beginning of the weekend, my fiancé and I had our “open wall” walkthrough of the new house. This is the home as it looked on Friday morning, just prior to the next round of inspections. We met with our GC/Foreman and did a literal walk-through of the property, while the expert told us everything we could ever want to know about it. We were encouraged to ask questions, and found it fascinating to learn not only about the specific materials used, but why the builder is so particular about what goes into each home. It was a good feeling to be able to see behind the scenes and know that we are getting exactly what we want, without corners being cut or important steps being hidden. Fascinating! (No, really!)

So of course, it got me thinking: When we are building our own best life ever, how important is it to pause and check in with ourselves as the Master & Creator of our reality? How powerful is it for us to inspect our own internal “construction project” and see specifically What we are putting in, & Why it matters?

I love to help my clients see that we build the home that our souls live in every day, with every choice. It all matters. And you know what? You really do deserve to imagine, create, & build your own best life.

Schedule a free consultation call with me today to get started!

💖🦋 #theblessingsbutterfly #empowermentcoach #visualization #manifesting #buildingyourbestlife #newhome #personaldevelopment #writer #author #speaker #inspiration

A Moment of Truth

Want a peek behind the veil?

Today I had a moment of clarity that froze me in my tracks. My cousin Nicole and I were in the midst of recording an episode for our podcast, and something we were talking about triggered a powerful message.

I went blank as the divine download was coming in, and couldn’t speak in the moment. I held on, breathed through it, and waited until I could continue our conversation.

It was deep, y’all!

I knew I would need some time to process what was happening inside me, and gave myself the immediate space I needed. I checked in, and found resonance. It took a hot minute, but I faced the thing inside my belly that was ugly & shameful: an old story of unworthiness & a need to be rescued- and met it with love & grace.

I have found that on this road of healing, the most beautiful moment is when we finally discover the Truth: We came into this world as already worthy, not as something flawed and broken.

We are just making our way back to that space of perfect knowing, that place of reverence, awe & acceptance, while discovering the magic along the way. We step in shit, we get messy, we peel away layers of the old stories and lies until we get back to the truth, the light, the love. THAT is the journey.

Whenever I can pause and see how far I have come, I am grateful. There is still a long way to go, and I love each new day I’m given to keep exploring this life.

PS- I’m not entirely sure how this will manifest- maybe as a video series, book, workshop or course- but it looks like I have some more work to do around forgiveness and making amends. Hit reply or join my email newsletter list and let me know if this is something that you would be interested in learning more about.

#theblessingsbutterfly #empowermentcoach #healing #inspirationalquotes #affirmation

Winter Solstice Blessing

The Long Winter’s Night, Winter Solstice (northern hemisphere) gifts us with the shortest amount of daylight. In this typically hectic time of year, it’s an invitation to choose to set down your stress and burdens in exchange for a little more peace, a little more quiet, a little more rest.

Instead of trying to cram in MORE more more in less time, Why not shut it down a little early tonight and gift yourself with a hard reset?

Enjoy a little longer glimpse of the star-filled night sky, the twinkling lights of the holidays, or even a little extra pillow time. You’ll be back tomorrow refreshed and shining even brighter. 💖🦋

#theblessingsbutterfly #empowermentcoach #winter #solstice #blessings #rest #longnight #peace #recharge #reset #empowerment #holidayseason

The Blessings Butterfly Companion Guide

Hello Loves! If you are looking to pick up a great little gift this week, I invite you to grab a copy of my self-help booklet, The Blessings Butterfly Companion Guide. You can get the paperback on Amazon for just $6.99, or $4.99 for the Kindle version (prices may be slightly more outside US).

It’s a Positivity-focused collection of my original 31 daily blessings & affirmations, along with added meditations and space to journal your thoughts. The format delivers an easy read and a month’s worth of inspiration & insight to help you cultivate a more mindful, positive outlook and a healthy habit of radical self-love.

I donate a dollar from every book sold to help support women’s empowerment projects around the world, so you can feel good about getting a copy for yourself and a few for gifts, too.

Buy Now