Category: life challenge

A Journey of Sexual Healing

By Stacy Walker, Guest Contributor

All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

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Photo by Wings Of Freedom on Pexels.com

It’s been just over five years, five years since I’ve had any intimacy. No sex, no kissing and no cuddles.

This wasn’t initially my decision, and at first for a long while, I’ll be honest it felt like a slow torturous death for me. Because in many ways it was. Most of the suffering starting out was because it wasn’t my choice. But I was the one that actually initiated it, without realizing at first.

I am a very physical woman, touch is my life force recharge. I love to have sex, and wanted it often, like at least every few days often, if not more. After my first divorce I refrained for a while, but once I reopened myself to it, the flood gates opened. They opened to a dangerous proportion.

I wasn’t reckless with situations, but I did quickly align myself with someone else who used sex as a distraction and addiction. The two of us getting together on weekends was a blur of sweat and showers. Often times topping off at twenty plus rounds in a weekend. It was quickly going from unleashing my sexual goddess and experiencing the best orgasms of my life, to numbing out and not being able to get enough.

Looking back on this and the one eighty turn I did after a few months of this indulgence, is an obvious intervention of the Divine.

woman wearing mesh blue dress lying on gray concrete floor
Photo by Ferdinand Studio on Pexels.com

Going Deep

It was during my birthday dinner with a long table of my new friends, that I got the ping. The notification that would launch my Soul into a long and tumultuous journey. It was my next ex husband messaging me via match.com. And my universe instantly shifted. So much so that within the first week of communication with this new man, I abruptly ended it with my recent sex companion. Cold stop. Which is now ironic, because as it turns out, that would be the last occasion for me to actually have a more functional sex life, as dysfunctional as it was. That was nearly ten years ago.

After a few weeks of corresponding with my now recent ex husband, we decided to meet in person. I was immediately enthralled with him. And when we said goodbye and he kissed me at my car, there in the late afternoon sun, the earth and my world shifted. For the first time in my life since I was a little girl, I was acutely aware of the dramatic change in the air and atmosphere around me, and within me. I knew in that instant that my life was about to radically change, and it did.

I was enraptured with this man, so much that I didn’t even notice at first that he wasn’t reciprocating any sexual body language. That he was actually just going through the motions and leaned heavily on his ability to dazzle me with his words and kissing. I was in it for the long haul, it was a spell, a spell as it turns out that my Soul had orchestrated. And that the energy shift I felt when he first kissed me was our Souls reigniting a long standing contract, one that now needed completion, and was necessary to launch me into a long initiation into the dark night of my own Soul. So that I could be the anchored and authentic Soul Guide I am now.

Sex was complicated from the start, he was always scrambling to avoid it, and I was always desperately wanting it, with him. Because I was so wildly attracted to him like I have never been with a man before, yet he kept me at an arms length. At first it was all about excuses and philosophies about wanting it to be different this time, and needing to still heal from ex’s cheating on him, etc. All the while talking about and flaunting his sexual experiences with others, and still showing obvious signs of being a womanizer. So many red flags, one after another after another. It was quickly becoming a mine field of red that no one could navigate. Yet I stayed.

It was like I had no choice, for the first time in my life I was going head first into something that made no sense, all I could do was feel. Feel the potential and feel the activation I felt in my entire body even just thinking of him. Which of course was just a new addiction. But also more, because my Soul actually was inviting me to see this through and to initiate my spiritual awakening. We did occasionally have sex, and with my level of attraction and addiction for all things him, I didn’t even notice how dysfunctional and lacking it really was. I was so far gone that the slightest crumb of affection and touch was all I needed, while pining and obsessing the entire time in between occasions, as to when I would get more. He was literally starving me sexually, which led to his ability to control me. This was his Souls ‘in’, in this contract playing out between us.

By the time his behavior shifted from this repeating cycle between just us to taking his toxic behavior outside of our relationship and using other women to hurt me, I was too far gone.

calm young woman looking at camera through broken window
Photo by Hebert Santos on Pexels.com

Coming to the Surface

The story that played out between us is an entire novel, a novel of Souls, shadows, victimhood, and eroticized wounds. We eventually married, which is when the sex dried up even more, from once or twice per month, to once every two months. But I was content suddenly, because he was finally ‘mine’ and he was content in knowing he ‘had’ me. So I relaxed into this new rhythm for a while, until just a few weeks before our one year anniversary when I took a trip to the beach with friends.

There on the beach at sunrise one morning I asked my friend to help me pray for healing between my husband and I, and for our sexual healing. This is the moment that I initiated the ending of my sex life (for now), and my journey into celibacy, without even realizing it. Because what we are praying for often shows up differently than we think it should, than we initially want it to. That what we are actually praying for is at the core of what we are wanting help with, but not at the surface level frustration of it, but at the root cause and ultimate healing of it.

As it turns out the last time my husband and I had sex before my trip, would be the last time we had sex. On that beach, I had an additional silent prayer, a shift within me, that I never wanted to have to fight for or beg my husband to have sex with me again. What I thought I was asking for was his healing, his emotional capacity to open, and for me to finally have the intimacy with him I so desperately craved. But ‘our’ sexual healing would not be the healing between us and our ability to come together in better harmony. It was to be a separate healing journey, one that would take us both by surprise, and yet not surprise.

It was to be a separate healing journey, one that would take us both by surprise, and yet not surprise

stacy walker

A few months had passed after that prayer, and I was beginning to suffer the death of my sex life, this is not what I wanted, this is not what I asked for, and this wasn’t fair. I tortured myself with what might have gone wrong, what did I say or do wrong. I became resentful and sure I was secretly being punished somehow. I even secretly resented my friend at first, because I thought maybe she did something wrong in the prayer. I had after all just only recently started praying again after giving it up most of my life due to religious trauma, and I had counted on her to guide me, which was just more victim coming to the surface for me to heal.

I spent the next year suffering, I spent it angry and confused. All the while my husband felt more relaxed and calmer than I had ever seen him. But I never begged or tried to seduce him into being with me. I decided to follow his cue to truly heal this and to feel less dysfunctional with our sexuality. As dysfunctional as it was for newlyweds to not have a sexual relationship between them, it was less dysfunctional than our previous way of dealing with it through arguing. So I allowed it space, and in this space I found clarity. Clarity not only between us, but in myself and the reawakening into my psychic gifts. Gifts that I had closed off since I was a little girl, out of self preservation and safety. Safety from other people, not from the spirits that were constantly around me. And through this psychic reawakening, I also experienced my spiritual awakening.

Two years had passed and I was deep into my own personal healing and Soul journey. And things between us relaxed and even became sweeter than I had ever expected, we found harmony in this new space of celibacy and calm. That my old tendencies to lean too hard into my sexual desires, and his old tendencies to avoid it by ironically playing the part of womanizer, stopped. The smoke had cleared for both of us. Here we temporarily found peace, a breather. And here is where truth could finally come through, for both of us, and between us. This was the agreement our Souls had made that sunny afternoon when we kissed next to my car.

light sun cloud japan
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Compassionate Clarity

A few more months into this two year journey had gone by when the biggest truth came through. I was finishing up some laundry and noticed a rubber band that had fallen out of his pants pocket. In that moment everything flashed before me, our history, his history, and his truth. In that moment I knew that his rejection of me sexually, was never about me. It was never about me not being good enough, or sexy enough or even young enough. It was solely about him and what he didn’t even know about himself. That I wasn’t actually aligned with his true sexual orientation. And that none of the women that he desperately flaunted were. It was all so clear. All of it.

The depth of compassion and heartache that immediately flowed through me took me to my knees, I didn’t think of myself. I thought of him and how tortured he must have been his entire life. And I wept. Then I made a new internal vow. Knowing that ultimately our marriage had to end, and that we both needed to live lives that honored our genuine needs. It took another three years, three years of compassion, grace and continued celibacy to steer us towards this ending. It nearly killed me. But I held the container and the space within it for us to come through a new depth of even greater harmony and truth. I poured absolute unconditional love into this man, I showed him the utmost compassion and understanding, and I held the space for him to eventually realize for himself what his truth is, and to find peace within himself.

That this space of celibacy between us enabled him to heal into his truth, and to start to heal a lifetime of wounds around it, and it enabled me to heal years of sexual and psychic trauma too. I am incredibly grateful for this experience between us, I consider it to have truly saved me, although it nearly killed me too, it ultimately did save me. It thrust me into a massive awakening and into the gifts I have carried for lifetimes, waiting to be embodied and used to serve others through, starting with myself and my recent now ex husband.

I am still currently celibate, as I am walking myself through the grieving of finally closing out this Soul agreement between us. Still unraveling the threads that kept me so closely bound for so long. Recognizing now that the intense passion I felt for him was the eroticization of my old wounds, lifetimes of wounds, being touched, triggered and activated for the purpose of healing and integrating. And that the level of intensity I had felt for so long was only a reflection of the intensity of my wounding, and the desperate plea for it to be met and healed.

In the months since this conscious uncoupling, so much has been revealed to me about the masculine and feminine energies within each of us, and between us. Regardless of how we identify, that these energies when brought into harmony through the healing of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine within us individually, can create Divine Union between us as partners. That we can disarm the eroticized wounds and roles as victims, and embark on the hero’s journey into conscious co-creation. That conscious or even unplanned celibacy can both create a space for clarity and truth, a space of ease and also raw and open opportunity for the deepest sexual healing we could ever have imagined for ourselves. And possibly for those that witness us too.

Regardless of how we identify, that these energies when brought into harmony through the healing of the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine within us individually, can create Divine Union between us as partners.

stacy walker

I look forward to my journey moving forward, of further harmonization within myself, and in aligning with a new partner in true Divine Union and expression. While now knowing that whoever this man is, that he is also an opportunity for any additional wounds being called to the surface for healing and integration, through more conscious awareness, and not misunderstood eroticization. But also that he will be a reflection and celebration of all of the healing and transformations I have carried myself through so far. And that will truly be something glorious to experience and to exalt to.

Stacy Walker is an embodied Oracle, Akashic Records Reader and Teacher. She currently lives in Jacksonville, Florida where she is actively working with the Ley Lines in the area. 
Working with clients remotely primarily through zoom, as a Quantum Healer distance isn’t an issue, nor is time, these initiations, activations and healings are infinite and are just as effective as receiving in person. 

A Session with her provides tremendous insights, understanding and support. You are held by your Guides, and provided with what you are needing most in that moment. Coming away from your session with a greater understanding of many areas of your life and experiences, plus tools to further support your journey. 
Her primary mission is empowerment, through her Online Courses and Services, every individual can unlock their highest potential, and anchor in their own Souls Purpose and Personal Power. 

Connect with Stacy:

I will be offering my Akashic Records Readings at 50% Off for the remainder of the year (2021). 
•There isn’t any discount code required•The discount come off automatically in their shopping cart •No limit on purchases •These Sessions can be Gifted to others 
My New Soul Codex -Akashic Reading & Embodiment is open for enrollment now! Content will be accessible on Dec 1st.

https://anapoenergy.com/
https://anapoenergy.com/collections/access-ascend

Want some more good reads about personal empowerment? Try these: The First Pillar: Whole-Self Love [Part 1- Personal Empowerment Overview] Take Your Power Back I Said YES to Me!

6 Power Practices to Shift from Blah to Bliss

By Marcia Mariner, Guest Contributor

All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

We ALL require access to divine sweetness in our lives to thrive. The sweetness or “sweet spot” that I am referring to is a profound feeling of soul nourishment, a constant connection to our innate worth, wisdom, power, and assurance of the infinite wealth that is always here for us.

That sweetness is mostly locked away deep within us. Many of us have had to harden our hearts to survive in a world that devalues the sacred feminine. Most women have been in a state of survival, operating from an outdated model that programmed us to excessively sacrifice our desires and well-being.

Unfortunately, this type of survival functioning results in women feeling frozen and disconnected from our hearts and therefore from the very nourishment required to fully actualize our potential.

Women, activated in our divine sweetness, are a powerful transmitter of this vital nutrient. We create a portal for miracles in us and in those around us. That is why it is essential that each awakening woman find her unique portals to access this sweet spot within. To discover and accomplish our destiny, having access to that inner sweet spot must be and must remain our number one priority.

Power Practice #1: Say YES to Love

Opening to love is a practice that you must choose to in every moment if you want to experience the fullness of divine sweetness is available for you. If you are lost in a trance of scarcity or unworthiness, or if you are not willing to say yes to love, then you will not experience the profound benefits constantly offered to you to live in your sweet spot.

brown steel letter b wall decor
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Power Practice #2: Find Your Unique Sweet Spot Portals & Savor Them

Each of us has unique sources that activate this divine sweetness. For example, many women love connecting with the Earth’s wisdom, beauty, power, and rhythms as a portal to their divine sweetness. Also, making room in your heart to nurture yourself and cultivating life-giving relationships and activities powerfully expands your access to this inner sweet spot.

Create time to discover inspired ways to sustain and expand access to your heart. Some women find that taking several three-minute breaks to be outside throughout their day can help them shift into their inner sweet spot. Others who are too depleted or who do not have sufficient skills to access their sweet spot will require more time and skills development to make and sustain that inner shift.

When you feel drained, it is important that you know how to quickly and powerfully source yourself and realign with that energy. In fact, the more you are serving and/or leading others in one form or another, the more vital it is to know how to renew yourself so that you show up from the best within yourself.

If your daily activities are not aligned with your sacred gifts, you will feel far away from that sweet spot. If this is the case, the misery you are feeling is a loving sign to wake up and get on your soul aligned path which will lead you to that sweet spot.

woman with white hair and black eyes
Photo by Merlin lightpainting on Pexels.com

Power Practice #3: Show Up Consciously and with Full Awareness in Order to Receive

Learn to seek out and savor the depth, breadth, and vastness of the sweetness. When you notice them, show up fully present and receive from them. Perhaps there is a divine message coming through. It is important to be attuned and available so that you are conscious of your unique portals when they are being revealed to you.

Consciously focus on using all of your senses to be in that higher energy. As you do, your energy will rise, and you will feel a vibrational shift occurring within you.

silhouette of woman standing near cliff
Photo by Nandhu Kumar on Pexels.com

Power Practice #4: Express gratitude for these portals

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude amplifies the sweetness that you can experience. Make this a habit as you go throughout your day. Even the subtle energies of sweetness that show up in our daily lives are powerfully expanded through a gratitude practice.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude amplifies the sweetness that you can experience.

marcia mariner, m.a. lmhc

Power Practice #5: Let Go of Resistance and Fully Embrace All of Your Emotions

It is not unusual when the heart opens to feel deep emotions coming up for clearing. The emotions that surface is natural and part of your organic unfolding. Awakening women are thawing out from centuries of collective trauma and neglect. Draw close to all of your emotions. If pain surfaces, welcome it with love. Let go of judgment and move towards your pain with the tenderness you would have for a young child.

Constantly source yourself from the beauty, joy and spiritual nourishment you are being given through your unique portals. This is especially important when you are experiencing a major loss or a time of transition. The healing of the heartbreak will naturally follow. By saying yes to what shows up and by trusting your process, you will emerge more fully in your radiant essence with each layer of past conditioning that has been shed.

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Power Practice #6: Find a Mentor and Join a Supportive Collective of Other Heart-centered Visionaries

This creates the optimal conditions to activate your sacred worth, discover your unique portals and anchor in your sweet spot. It provides a feeling of safety and connection, which naturally gifts you with a collective sweetness and opportunity to accelerate your full becoming. This personal support also helps you process challenging emotions and share your dreams in a supportive climate. This expands your heart’s power to give and receive love.

As your power to access your sweet spot develops, you discover what it feels like to fully thrive from the inside out. This inner assurance empowers you to love more freely and embrace the outer uncertainties of life with confidence and grace. The stabilizing support of this collective sweetness frees you to fully embody your authentic self and move in the direction of your dreams at lightning speed.


Marcia Mariner, M.A. LMHC

Marcia is a sacred feminine empowerment coach, certified hypnotherapist, and licensed counselor who specializes in empowering awakening women to break free from patriarchal conditioning, reclaim their feminine power and create lives they love. For over 25 years, Marcia has provided and continues to provide her clients with individual sessions, women’s empowerment circles, psycho-educational programs, and destination retreats. Marcia loves creating a safe space for women to connect on a heart-to-heart level so that they feel supported not just to heal, but to become who they are divinely encoded to be.

An exciting free gift from Marcia:
https://marciamariner.com/free-gift-2/

Want some more good reads about personal empowerment? Check these out: Take Your Power Back; #FridayFeels Empowered ; Transformational Positivity and the 4 Pillars


Are You Brave Enough?

Written By Guest Contributor, Lisa Winston

Trigger Warning: This post contains mentions of serious disease, abuse, sexual violence.

My life has been hard. One challenge after another since I was very young. Then, one year after finally meeting the love of my life at the age of 59 and beginning a life-long dream of travel, international speaking, writing books and more, I got hit with an excruciatingly difficult personal health challenge, one that was totally unexpected. I collapsed with neuro-Lyme disease, a disease that rendered me unable to go out in public for almost a year. I became so panicked, I could have been institutionalized. My brain and eyes didn’t work. I couldn’t see clearly and my visual perception was way off. I felt like I was going blind and crazy. And that was just the beginning of the 25 severe symptoms I was about to experience. 2019 was the longest year of my life.

As I began to slowly heal, I was beyond anxious to be able to eat at restaurants, go to a movie, shop and travel. I pushed myself and flew to LA in January of 2020, for a movie premiere with my love, even though I didn’t look or feel very well. I got to briefly see my daughter who was driving from San Diego back to Oregon. It was a first step. It felt good.

I made plans. I looked forward to the future and I couldn’t wait to be well again.

And then, Covid hit. And it hit hard. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t see it coming. All of my intuitive capabilities didn’t give me a clue. No one else saw it coming either. Shock, fear, uncertainty and eventually depression hit. Now what? What if I or someone I love gets sick or dies? Will we have enough toilet paper? How will we make a living? Will life ever be the same?

For someone who teaches that life is happening FOR us and not TO us, two big crisis’ in one year was too much. In that moment, I was forced to choose between giving up what I teach and believe or using every tool I had in my toolkit. I didn’t like what I was experiencing but I had a deep knowing that what I teach is true, so I clung to it. That choice saved me and that’s why I’m sharing this with you today.

What do you do when LIFE challenges you?

stylish model with closed eyes in sunshine
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When life throws us curve balls, we have two choices. We get to jump into a deep state of fear, depression and negativity, or, we can choose to see things in a different light, a more positive light. You know the saying “what you focus on grows?” Well, it’s 100% true. We are energetic beings who always attract what we think, feel and vibrate. We attract our dominate vibration. And again, we always get to choose. We are not victims of fate, but deliberate creators with power.

One thing I know for sure, is that when I look back over my life and all of my challenges; abuse, r*pe, divorces, losing my home to wildfire, breast c*ncer and Lyme, I can absolutely SEE how Spirit (God, the Universe, the Divine) is woven through all of my “stories.” I can see how things were perfectly orchestrated just for me. I can find evidence of loved ones supporting me, unexpected people showing up; proof of everything I needed being provided in perfect timing and yes, even miracles.

So, we can all go to the “dark side,” but why would we want to? We all have a habit of expecting the worst. But what would happen if we expected the best? We can’t possibly see the entire picture; only the Divine can do that. So, what if we chose to amp up our faith, and trust that something bigger than us, some “thing” that loves us so much, actually has our back and wants us to experience good?

You Can’t Just Sit There

white clouds and blue sky
Photo by Ithalu Dominguez on Pexels.com

Whether it’s Covid, a health challenge, relationship breakup, trouble with your kids or your job, you get to choose how you’ll show up. If you sit around mulling things over in your head, nothing will get better. And I guarantee, you will suffer. But, if you decide to jump in, say YES to whatever is happening for you, not only will things improve, but you will feel better. I live by this. It’s been my saving grace and my greatest strength.

Taking action is imperative, even if only baby steps at first. When you actively participate in asking questions, listening for answers and raising your vibrations, victimhood falls by the wayside. I’m not saying these things are easy at first, especially when you’re in a crisis, but you can absolutely work through your human moments and inch your way into using your superpowers. My bout with Lyme propelled me into the darkest night of the soul I ever experienced. I was sure I was dying and there were days I wanted to die. But there was a fire that burned inside of me that was greater. I found my way to it, and so can you.

Do Anything And Everything To Raise Your Vibes

woman standing in front of flowing water
Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Pexels.com

When I was ill, one day I just decided I was going to fight for my life. From that moment on, I did every, crazy thing I could think of to show the Universe I meant business. I did energy work all day long; I listened to Jason Mraz and danced around the apartment even though I couldn’t see! I put affirmations on sticky notes large and small and stuck them on windows, ceilings and walls. I videotaped my journey for teaching when I was well. I meditated and more.

So, when life hits you with things unexpected, try one or all of these things. I promise, if you’re determined enough and don’t give in to your old negative human habits, they will help.

1. Start an “evidence journal.” Just as I explained above, write down all of the things you remember about difficult times in your life when you absolutely saw the hand of the Divine working on your behalf. Look at these miracles often and be in gratitude.

2. Ask, “what is this here to teach me?” Then, stay out of your head and wait as long as it takes for an answer(s). Be patient. It will come.

3. Reframe your thinking. This is imperative. If you feel you’re powerless in your situation, ask yourself how this wonderful challenge has come to assist you in stepping into your power. If you feel that horrible things always happen to you, ask yourself how this situation is happening FOR you. Look for the evidence. Reclaim power over your “stinkin thinkin” and learn to see the good. Question your thoughts, self-talk and beliefs and soon, you will see that most of the things you tell yourself are just not true!

4. Visualize a happy outcome. I call this pre-paving your future. Once you get good at seeing yourself healthy, happy, in love, etc, then add emotion to it. Don’t just see yourself in these situations. FEEL the story as if you’re living it. This kind of energy creates.

5. Learn to be in gratitude for anything and everything. Gratitude is a high vibration. Even if you don’t feel grateful because your dominant vibration is fear, do it anyway. Create a list. As you commit to doing it more often, your vibrations will begin to rise.

6. Do something you love that’s high vibe. We are creators. When we don’t create, we stagnate. Sing. Dance. Paint. Take a walk.

And, above all else, love and be gentle with yourself. It’s all a part of the journey.

lisa winston

And, above all else, love and be gentle with yourself. It’s all part of the journey. The more you practice these skills during the difficult times, the more grit you acquire, the more you ignite your inner fire and the more confident you become, knowing all things are here to make you stronger. And, you get to help others through your experience!

So, are you brave enough?


Lisa Winston is a gifted vocalist, #1 international bestselling author of “Your Turning Point,” TV host, intuitive mindset strategist and inspirational speaker.  A life of extreme challenges, including losing her home to wildfire, breast cancer, and neuro-Lyme disease, made her hungry for a deeper connection to Source and determined to find her true calling.  Today, she shares the message that life is always happening for you and challenges are sent to refine, not define you.  Lisa has produced many influential global summits and is also featured on online summits, national radio, podcasts and trainings.  She co-hosts and produces The Mindset Reset TV Show, a weekly series which reaches millions, worldwide.  Lisa is so grateful to be mom to her beautiful daughter, Sarah, and to live, teach, and speak across the globe with her soulmate, life partner and love, Dr. Joe Vitale.

“Say YES to life and allow it to transform you at the deepest level.” – Lisa Winston
Lisa Winston Television Host, Producer, Best-Selling Author, The Unstoppable Resilience Coach and Speaker Cosmic Love, LLC(c) 858-705-2134 MindsetResetTV.com Inquiries: inquiries@mindsetresettv.com
Personal Website: www.LisaAWinston.com 
Personal Email: thebeautyofauthenticity@gmail.com

This article appeared originally on www.LisaAWinston.com and is reprinted here with the express permission of the writer. All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

Open Letter to a Little Girl

Written by Sherry Van Antwerp, Guest Contributor

mother and daughter in the garden
Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com

To: The Little Girl That Just Wanted Love

From: Your Adult Self

Date: The Here and Now

RE: Exciting Status Update

Hello Little One,

I’m sorry I haven’t taken the time to write to you sooner. Honestly, I didn’t know exactly what to say because I’m still trying to figure out what is going on!

First, let me say that I’m sorry you had to endure so much at such a young age. At a time in your life when you should have felt care-free, you instead felt a tremendous burden.

That wasn’t right.

I know that you desperately wanted, and needed, love and attention. And for real, we all do!

You shouldn’t have had to struggle so hard to feel that.

Sometimes you decided that doing things absolutely perfectly was the way you got attention, and maybe just a smattering of love, but it didn’t fill you up.

You just learned that you had to excel at everything in order to even get noticed.

And that success was always fleeting because there was always the next goal, or project, that came along.

So you’d start all over again working so, so hard to get it right.

To get noticed.

To get a little acknowledgement and a few precious moments of feeling like you were worthy.

Sometimes you thought, well F*ck this all, and became a little Rebel. That defiant little self showed up when you were tired of fighting to be valued.

If no one cared, why should you?

But deep inside you felt a bit selfish, and that you were just a disappointment.

Again, not worthy.

I’m so very sorry that things weren’t different. But know that I have learned some lessons, and I’m working on making changes for us.

I want you to know that you are always loved and worthy now. We don’t need external validation, because honestly that’s just always going to be a game with someone else determining our worth.

But here’s the big news that I’ve learned for us!

It is OK to make taking care of ourselves a priority! WOW!

I know, I know… we thought that we always had to be excelling and preforming and being the “good” one.

Everyone and everything came before us, because that’s how we had always gotten acknowledgement!

We were the great employee that went above and beyond, the great mom doing alllll the things, the spouse that kept it all going (even though we often resented it).

Little One, I have figured out that isn’t how it works! Because I can’t be anyone’s rock if I’m crumbling.

So now I’m making us more of a priority. It doesn’t mean I’m shoving everything else aside, because well… reality! But I am making sure that I’m on the list.

Self-care doesn’t have to mean “me first” but it does mean “me too.”

I’m excited for the future and I want you to know that I value what you went through. You are amazing, just the way you are.

Love you and I mean it!

Little One, I have figured out that isn’t how it works! Because I can’t be anyone’s rock if I’m crumbling.

sherry van antwerp

Sherry VanAntwerp, also known as The GenX Whisperer, is an intuitive mindset coach and speaker. With 20+ years in corporate, raising two children and triumphing over traumatic losses, she now helps GenX women uncover and discover their passion and purpose to create more fulfilling lives. Sherry’s perspective on the craziness of life as a GenX woman drives her mission to help women follow through with their own life transformation because you can’t be anyone’s rock if you’re crumbling!

Follow Sherry on Instagram: @the_genx_whisperer

Want some more good reads about healing? Try these oldies but goodies: How I Became The Blessings Butterfly, Pt. 2: Redemption Story Positivity is My Superpower, Negativity is My Kryptonite #FridayFaves: Healing Your Trauma Through Meditation, Featuring Rachel John of Soul BEing

All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

It’s messy & smelly & hairy, but it’s the only way through

By Kristin Nelson, Guest Contributor

Hi there, loves! I’m Kristin and in 2020 I created a business in Kansas City, Missouri called Unravel Your Life. I create & take opportunities that allow me to help people de-clutter their homes & minds, making more space for them to stretch out their arms & be themselves. I do Akashic Record & Tarot readings, and I’m learning Reiki & energy healing. It’s glorious & I’m grateful because my life is rad. I let the Universe guide me on what to do next. I listen, I move forward, one step at a time, with Spirit by my side, receiving messages for myself and for my clients. I feel connected & fulfilled for the first time in my life.

Sounds beautiful & fun & easy breezy, doesn’t it!? Like I just woke up one day and became a magical mystical spiritual goddess. Like I just stepped into energy work & oops, discovered I could hear messages from Spirit for myself and others. Teehee, the fairies made me do it!

NOPE. HARD NOPE. NOOOOOOPE.

It’s been hard af.

I didn’t step into this life, into energy work, gracefully & with poise. It wasn’t an angelic ascension or a miracle enlightenment. It wasn’t perfection incarnate. It wasn’t love & light & laughter. It was so. very. human. And spoiler alert…being a human is gross. And heartbreaking. And messy. And smelly. And imperfect. And hairy. And overwhelming. And it hurts. A lot.

But for me, it was the only way through.

young female astrologist predicting future with shining ball
Photo by Victoria Borodinova on Pexels.com

Shiny On The Outside

Because for decades, I had tried everything else. I was a rule follower & I listened to what society told me to do: “Stop crying. Study up. Climb the ladder. Buckle down. Hustle. Work hard. Keep moving. Buy more! Eat this. Lose weight. Improve yourself. Move on. Try harder.” Guess what? It didn’t work. I had a great career. I had a great life. I had everything they said would give me happiness. But I felt unfulfilled, burned out. And the world around me was still a mess.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you saw me, you’d never know that I wasn’t happy. On the outside, I usually looked shiny & excited, and I always looked put together & accomplished & productive. That’s the persona I built my entire life. I was independent & studious & a go-getter. But inside, I was scared a lot. I needed to control all the things to keep the anxiety at bay. I was always moving, always planning, always thinking ahead. Running so fast that time (life) would just fly by me. I kept my mind either racing with distractions or numbed out with alcohol. Never just still. Never just present. Never just fully here. I pushed down anything that was scary or sad or dark or unpleasant or uncomfortable to feel, and leaned hard into safety, security, comfort, control.

In some ways it felt like living a double life. Super fine & dandy on the outside. “All good here! Livin’ the dream! Keepin’ busy!” And then under the surface I often felt…broken. A mess. Like I needed fixing because I did all the things & still wasn’t happy. Still wasn’t satisfied with myself and my life. Still didn’t know what I wanted. Still didn’t feel like I had a purpose. I felt far away from myself & had no idea who I was or wanted to be.

And all that stuff I suppressed, pushed down, ignored, denied? It had nowhere to go. It stayed inside of me because I wouldn’t let it out. It bubbled & boiled & lingered. And so every so often, always in the dark, always in private, I would break down & shatter into a thousand pieces. All the darkness I ignored would spill out & through me, I couldn’t control it any longer. Panic, paralyzation, disorientation. In those moments when I let it all loose, I felt completely batshit crazy. Like I was nuts for feeling so ‘fine’ most of the time (life is good! I have all the things!) and then for being completely blindsided again and again by this deep, dark horrible realization that living as I was, with high functioning anxiety & indecision & fear & control, wasn’t really how I wanted to live.

It was like waking up for a brief moment after being asleep for a really long time. It was like glimpsing reality for a brief moment after living in denial for decades. It was like realizing that I had been floating along, letting the current of busy life just sweep me away, getting farther and farther and farther away from myself. It felt fucking awful. It felt like I was so broken inside, so unfixable, that maybe I should just stop tryin’.

This happened over and over throughout my life, when I least expected it, when I thought everything was good & under control. Until I reached a point in 2016, hyperventilating (again) on the floor of my closet, after 6 MONTHS of debilitating indecision & anxiety over an impending break up, where I just couldn’t do it anymore. This cycle of living in the land of make believe and crashing into reality, over and over. 30 years of curation. 30 years of seeking perfection. 30 years of trying to control everything. I was tired. I was done. I wouldn’t put myself through that again.

crop person hand in broken mirror
Photo by Bruno Pires on Pexels.com

Healing From The Inside

So in that moment, I made a vow to stop pretending. To start dealing with my shit instead of burying it inside of me. It was the only thing left I hadn’t tried. The only thing I had always been too scared to do. Facing myself. Turning inwards, instead of out there, to “find myself.” At the age of 31, I stopped pretending that I was “fine” & started wading through the muck of my life. Childhood experiences that made me build super strong armor around my heart & hide who I really was. Beliefs I had about life that were hurting me, not helping me. All the rules & the ‘shoulds’ I had accumulated over decades. For me personally, a big one was feeling all the things I never let myself feel when I was 13 and my mom died. At her funeral, I smiled & played with my cousins & was “totally fine, thanks bye!.” I never grieved. I never processed.

I unearthed everything within me that I had been pretending wasn’t there. I stepped into myself. And it was horrifying stuff. It’s dark in there, in the corners of yourself you’ve never dared to look. I got a therapist. I started digging & exploring within myself. Anything that came up, instead of suppressing it & running in the other direction, I faced it. Wrote about it. Talked about it. Shared about it. Read about it. Cried about it. Laughed about it. Raged about it. I let anything that needed to surface, surface. And I faced it. And it sucked.

But I also realized that it’s everything I came here to do. I’m here to LIVE, not float through life. I’m here to THRIVE, not settle for some mediocre existence. I’m here to be a messy human, not a perfect robot. I’m here to learn & grow & expand. And now I have enough room inside me to do that. Those things that I suppressed actually took up real estate inside of me. They blocked my life force from flowing. They kept ‘me’ hidden & small, when all I’ve ever really wanted is to be seen & valued & loved. They kept my mind spinning. For decades I hemorrhaged my personal power & energy trying to keep them quiet & hidden & secret.

…when the noise & clutter were gone, and I could hear myself clearly for the first damn time, I didn’t feel alone…

kristin nelson

“Finding myself” was not a process of adding new experiences, new skills, new jobs, new knowledge on top of myself. The accumulation actually made it even harder for me to see myself within all that junk. “Finding myself” was a process of removal. Digging deep. Exploring. Rooting around & removing all the junk that others had given to me. Expectations, shoulds, beliefs, stories, lies, inherited traumas from my family & ancestors….stuff that wasn’t really mine. And when I unraveled that mess inside myself, when I made space, all that was left was…me.

And what’s extra wild is that when the noise & clutter were gone, and I could hear myself clearly for the first damn time, I didn’t feel alone & small in a deep dark cave of nothingness. I felt…connected for the first time in my life to something bigger than me.

Where I used to spend so much of my energy curating and improving and perfecting myself, and caring what other people thought of me, and maintaining my image, now my power is free for me to use. The energy has always been there. The connection has always been there. The power has always been there. But I was always too busy racing through life to notice.

Maybe like me, you were told to leave your troubles behind & climb to the highest heights to find happiness. Those stairs lead nowhere. Trust me, I climbed pretty damn high. You are strong enough to feel all the things & to face all of you. Stop climbing. Turn around. And start stepping down into yourself. It will be gross, and heartbreaking, and messy, and smelly, and imperfect, and hairy, and overwhelming, and hard af, and it will hurt. A lot. But for me, it was the only way through.


[A lovely fair-skinned young woman against a dark background. She wears a dark tank top and holds a light, shimmering fabric behind her neck. Her brown hair is pulled back from her face. She looks upwards and smiles.]

Kristin Nelson (she/hers) lives in Kansas City, Missouri but keeps little pieces of her heart all over the world in the places she’s lived & loved. In 2019, burnt out by a 12-year fundraising career, she quit to fulfill a dream of leading biking tours in Europe with Backroads. That terrifying leap of faith changed everything, and in 2020 she started working for herself & created Unravel Your Life, LLC. A highly sensitive person (HSP) herself, Kristin understands overwhelm all too well & helps people move through clutter & the daunting home organization projects they dread. She also receives messages for clients from Spirit via the Akashic Records & Tarot, which makes her magic-seeking inner child insanely happy. In her Aquarian, Projector heart of hearts, Kristin really wants to use her privilege & power as a white, cisgendered woman to dismantle the racist & sexist systems running our world & to create a new paradigm of leadership that makes everyone feel like they are truly seen, “gotten”, and treasured.

Connect with Kristin: Facebook Instagram or Email at hello@unravelyourlife.com

Want to read more articles about reckoning with healing? Try these: A Story About Energy & Healing Thoughts on Healing In the Aftermath

All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.

Big Intentions

BIG JUNE INTENTIONS: I am planning to be away from the digital life for most of this month so I can be totally present while away on my Honeymoon. I am Choosing Presence.


For the month of June, it is my intention to stay in-the-moment and also to dramatically reduce the amount of time I spend on social media… quite the challenge for someone whose business is almost exclusively online!

I am not abandoning my work, instead what I am doing is putting it back in it’s proper place. I’ve noticed that my screen time has become quite lopsided and I’m not okay with that.

silhouette of a person on a swing
Photo by Asad Photo Maldives on Pexels.com

To be honest, it gives me an anxious feeling to share this Big Intention. It feels very familiar- much like when I first quit smoking, or when I quit drugs, or when I learned how to not get shit-faced drunk everyday, or when I stopped disconnecting from my body especially during sex, or when I learned how to have a mutually loving & healthy relationship with food instead of using it as another tool to abuse myself… basically the way it felt for me to face, understand, and release myself from my addictions.

You know, the real-life baggage of someone who’s been through some shit.

But here’s the thing: Big Intentions can lead us to Big Transformations.

Sure, there are maybe a million tiny actions and next-steps that take place between the declaration of the Big Intention and the realization of the Big Transformation. It’s not like one just flips a switch and POOF! Metamorphosis. There may even be millions of micro-movements before the Big Intention is stated. But there IS something absolutely magickal in that moment when you decide that Yes, actually, I am ready to make a change.

But here’s the thing: Big Intentions can lead us to Big Transformations.

michelle lewis – the blessings butterfly

The moment of the Big Intention is the moment when Hope and Faith and Belief and Wishes and Dreams and Desire all intersect, and you find yourself choosing to leap from the place of stagnant self-doubt into the realm of possibility. It’s the moment between shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It’s the moment when your “I can’t!” becomes “I think I can!”

And before anyone gets it twisted, there’s NO SHAME in getting professional help. Remember, you’re still the one doing the work even when you’ve got a coach, therapist, or specialist guiding & supporting you.

Maybe your own Big Intention is something that challenges you, inspires you, or even maybe scares you- it’s okay. Gather up your courage, call in your support squad, and take that next right step forward. As soon as you decide that you’re ready to make that change, whatever it may be- your own Big Transformation is waiting on the other side of it.

Work with me: Empowerment Coaching Spiritual Clarity Readings

Michelle Lewis (she/her/they) is the creator & founder of The Blessings Butterfly, a holistic coaching & energy healing practice that is teaching people to live a life that they love. She is a writer, speaker, energy witch/healer, and author of the Amazon bestselling positive affirmation books, The Blessings Butterfly and The Blessings Butterfly Companion Guide Having worked hard for decades to overcome severely traumatic events that began in her early childhood and repeated in painful, looping patterns well into her adult life, Michelle is passionate about using her gifts and wisdom in bringing hope and healing to millions. This is more than “mindset hacks” and “Pollyanna” positivity. Through the work of what she calls Transformational Positivity, Michelle helps her clients to get clear on where to shift their thoughts and actions, while dismantling the culture of toxic positivity.

BEING THE CHANGE THAT WE WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD REQUIRES MAKING A PHENOMENAL MESS.

An Anti-Racist Rant From A Nice White Lady


This week has been exceptionally messy, both for me personally in my healing from cancer journey, and in the much larger context of people absolutely fucking fed up with the cancer of continued mistreatment of our Black brothers and sisters in this country due to our inherently racist, white-supremacist systems of government, law enforcement, judiciary, and all the exceptional privileges that come with being born in a white-skinned body. Fed up with not being heard.

Still with me? Cool. Let’s go a little further.

I have taken my DNA test. I know that my genetic makeup is primarily Northern European, (48.5%) and the balance of my ancestry is Southern European (32.7%) with a smattering of Ashkenazi Jewish (.4%) Native American (5.8%) East Asian (.8%) and Sub-Saharan African (3.2%). The remaining 8.6% is scattered to the winds in traces and indistinguishable bits. Possibly alien, star-seed, angelic, or prehistoric. But if you didn’t know any of this, you’d look at me and just see another basic White person. Previously with gorgeous long platinum blonde hair, now with a shiny bald dome.

Before Cancer
Chemo is fucking rough, but necessary if I want to free my body from this cancer.



I don’t have to fear most of the places I visit or the daily activities I engage in because of the color of my skin. And if you are another basic White person like me, you don’t either. That’s the rule. That’s how this shit works. We know this, deep in our bones, even when we aren’t ready to admit it. Even when we can’t stomach what the truth of that means. Even when we wish and hope and pray that it just isn’t so, that we are the exception, that we really are GOOD, that we aren’t actually racist, that we “don’t see color” or that we are doing our work. We know.

AND… what if we want to do better? What if we want to see real change happen, and we want to see it happen in our lifetime? What if we are ready to face our millions of excuses head on? What if we are willing to focus on the Black people who are victims of our violence and our apathy? What if we are willing to be uncomfortable and ready to start GETTING MESSY and unpacking our culturally and familially ingrained biases, unearth our own seen and unseen racism, and actually create positive change? What if we are willing to put our ideals into action?

What if?

Healing from cancer is MESSY. The treatments, the recovery, are brutal and messy. I hope that you NEVER have to deal with it yourself, or watch someone you love go through it. If you have walked this road yourself, you know. I see you, and I love you.

Healing from racism is no less messy. The biggest difference is that every White person in the US has been infected with racism- think of it as a spectrum in which every damn one of us falls on, from ignorant & fragile to full-on White Supremacist. Some are completely poisoned and proudly rotting, while others aren’t even aware that they have been affected and go about their merry way, oblivious to the damage they are doing. Still others are painfully aware of their white privilege and are consciously doing the hard, messy, necessary work day after day.

It will be messy. It will be difficult. It will be awkward. It will be uncomfortable. It will be risky. We will make mistakes. Like, LOTS of mistakes. And, if we are willing to do this important and messy and necessary work within ourselves and within our families and within our schools and within our houses of worship and within our workplaces and within our communities and within our online spaces and within our law enforcement agencies and within our local and state and federal governments, if we are willing to make a phenomenal mess of the status quo- THEN we will begin to see the world change and become the beautiful, equitable-for-all utopia that we say we want it to be.



What to do next



Take ONE action step towards becoming a person who is anti-racist. Then, take another. Repeat.

Here are some links to helpful resources that you can begin to use right away:

The Adaway Group

Anti-Racism Resources for White People

4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions Without Bringing The White Tears

What White People Can Do For Racial Justice

Beyond The Hashtag



Thank you for reading and allowing yourself to be uncomfortable with this conversation. Thank you for being willing to face and unpack your unpleasant parts. Thank you for making the choice every day moving forward to do the hard, messy, necessary work of dismantling racism and the systems that uphold it. You’re not alone; I’m in it with you.

Michelle Lewis (she/her/they) is the creator & founder of The Blessings Butterfly, a holistic coaching & energy healing practice that is teaching people to live a life that they love. She is a writer, speaker, energy witch/healer, and author of the Amazon bestselling positive affirmation books, The Blessings Butterfly and The Blessings Butterfly Having worked hard for decades to overcome severely traumatic events that began in her early childhood and repeated in painful, looping patterns well into her adult life, Michelle is passionate about using her gifts and wisdom in bringing hope and healing to millions. This is more than “mindset hacks” and “Pollyanna” positivity. Through the work of what she calls Transformational Positivity, Michelle helps her clients to get clear on where to shift their thoughts and actions, while dismantling the culture of toxic positivity.

The Second Pillar: Serving With Joy (Part 3 – Finding Joy in Your Soul’s Purpose)

In my understanding of The 4 Pillars of Transformational Positivity, the First Pillar is Whole-Self Love, which is about understanding & healing our connection to the Self. This is tremendously important in its own right, and it is essential to do the work of Whole-Self Love for us to move forward successfully to the Second Pillar: Serving With Joy, which is all about our connection with community. (You can read about The First Pillar here if you missed it)

In this third part of the current series, we wrap up our look at the Second Pillar by understanding why serving with joy is directly tied to our connection with community. I believe that it is within the space of COMMUNITY that we learn how to best SERVE in our highest capacity and find true JOY in our soul’s purpose. (Please click here to read if you missed Part 1 or Part 2 of this series.)

Your Soul’s Purpose

Serving humanity from a place of deep Joy starts within your chosen community (online, in person, geographic neighborhood, professional, or common interest). You have a very special, unique, one-of-a-kind gift to share, one that can never be duplicated and one that only you can offer. That gift is You. You! Your story. Your passions. Your experiences. Your perspective. Your wisdom. Your voice. Your talents & hobbies. Your art. Your curiosity. Your discoveries. Your healing. Your peace. Your Past, Present, & Future. All of what makes up your personal journey, your own unique expression of Divinity in the flesh, is the whole point of coming to Earth and experiencing life as a human. Discovering, embracing, celebrating and sharing what makes you uniquely You- that IS your soul’s purpose. And the most beautiful thing? Once you realize that this precious, perfectly imperfect, one-of-a-kind life of yours IS your gift, you can stop wasting so much time and energy on the shit that doesn’t interest you and start connecting with your passion, your joy, your slice of heaven on earth and serving your community with it.

So, What Are You Passionate About?

Spending any amount of your time engaged in things that you are passionate about creates a wonderful sense of fulfillment and a layer of Joy to your life. But what if you’ve never had the time or opportunity to explore things that interest you, let alone spark the deep burning fire of passion?

If you’ve been feeling stuck for a long time and just can’t even begin to think about what you are passionate about, here are 3 of my favorite questions to jump-start your thoughts and maybe even rekindle a fire inside you. Take some time to journal on one or all of these prompts:

  • Name 3 highlight experiences in your life. What do they have in
    common? What does this tell you about yourself?
  • What did you dream about doing when you were a child? How does it feel to imagine yourself doing that now?
  • What are you most curious about right now?

That third question is probably my favorite because it takes the pressure off what can feel like the overwhelming “bigness” of trying to discover your passion. Especially true if you’re feeling depressed or find yourself using not knowing what you’re passionate about as a way to beat yourself up. Curiosity becomes a lifeline, a rope to pull you up, a trail of breadcrumbs to follow into a brighter, more hopeful frame of mind. Curiosity can lead you on a life-long path of discovery that will help you reveal more and more of what makes you so unique, what makes you the most happy, a path that opens up new friendships, support systems, and joyful connections to community.

If you recall from Part 2 of this series, I invited you to determine where the gaps are in your community. Now that you’ve started to explore the things that bring you the most Joy, ask yourself: Is this thing that I enjoy or am passionate about something that can help to serve my community? If the answer is Yes, then you are holding the missing puzzle piece. Bring your passions & interests forward and present them, filling in the gap in a way that only you can fill it. You may just look up and see a grateful new community unfolding around you.

Michelle Lewis (she/her/they) is the creator & founder of The Blessings Butterfly, a holistic coaching & energy healing practice that is teaching people to live a life that they love. She is a writer, speaker, energy witch/healer, and author of the Amazon bestselling positive affirmation books, The Blessings Butterfly and The Blessings Butterfly Having worked hard for decades to overcome severely traumatic events that began in her early childhood and repeated in painful, looping patterns well into her adult life, Michelle is passionate about using her gifts and wisdom in bringing hope and healing to millions. This is more than “mindset hacks” and “Pollyanna” positivity. Through the work of what she calls Transformational Positivity, Michelle helps her clients to get clear on where to shift their thoughts and actions, while dismantling the culture of toxic positivity.

The Second Pillar: Serving With Joy (Part 2 – Bridging the Gaps in Your Community)

In the first part of this article series, I wrote about the different types of community and invited you to identify what your current connections might look like. Then, I asked you to think about and make a list of the different communities you currently belong to. In order to begin to bridge the gaps in your community, you have to first look at your answers to the following questions:

  • How do I fit in to each space?
  • What are my roles in each space?
  • What are some of the ways that I contribute and serve in each space?
  • Are there any gifts, talents, ideas, strengths, or other resources that I can offer to better serve my community/ies?
  • Is there anything that I need that I am NOT getting from my community/ies?

Let’s take a closer look and break these down to see where you may be experiencing gaps:

1- How do I fit in?

After you’ve identified the different communities you are connected to, you will want to take a look at where you currently see yourself fitting in to each defined space. Are you newer to the group, or a veteran presence? Do you tend to be interactive and heavily involved, or more of an observer? Are you happy with how you fit in, or is there a more authentic and satisfying way that you would like to show up? Understanding where you are now is the first step in deciding if that’s where you want to remain.

2- What are my roles?

You’ve identified your communities, and you’ve recognized where you currently fit in. Narrowing down to define the different roles you play in each space is your next step. Where are you a Leader? Where are you a Colleague or Collaborator? Where are you a Supporter? Where are you a Student? Where are you a Contributor? Where are you an Enforcer? In any of these roles- how many of them feel right, good, comfortable, natural? Do any of them feel like they belong to someone else? Are there any of your current roles that you would like to let go of, or others that you would like to adopt? Understanding that you have some choice around the roles that you accept and reject can be liberating, and it can also require you to make some significant changes.

3- Ways that I AM serving and contributing

Make an honest and comprehensive list of all the ways that you currently serve and contribute to your different communities. [Note: Don’t censor yourself, and don’t discount or discredit anything as “too small” or insignificant.] What themes or patterns do you notice in the ways that you serve and contribute?

How do you feel when you review the different offerings that you’ve listed?

Are there ways that you are serving that don’t feel good to you, or that are draining you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or financially?

Is there anything that you would like to offer your community that you currently are not?

4- Ways that I WANT to serve and contribute

Get Clear: What is it that you REALLY want to do? What is it that you really WANT to be known for? Now make a list of your gifts, talents, ideas, strengths, skills or other resources that you can offer to better serve your community.

Is there anything else that you need to help you move forward with what you want to offer or how you want to serve, such as additional training, a mentor, community buy-in or other types of support?

This is where it gets fun. Now is the part where you can take the information you’ve gathered and create a bridge-building plan! Knowing that it doesn’t have to be perfect before you get started, how can you begin to use what you already have to do the things that you actually want to do?

5- Unmet Needs

By going through this process, you begin to see clearly where there may be any gaps between where you are vs. where you want to be, what you are doing vs. what you want to be doing. This next step is critical for recognizing and honoring what you need vs. what you are getting.

Ask Yourself, without judgement: Is there anything that I need, want, desire, enjoy, like, or am curious about that I am NOT getting from any of my current community/ies?

Are any of the things you’ve just listed available to you in any of your current spaces? If YES, then what will you need to do to access them? If NO, then what communities do you need to connect to?

If you have unmet needs in your current group/s, chances are that you are NOT alone and that there are others in your area, space, neighborhood etc. that would love to connect with you. What would it look like for you to create and launch a new community?

Michelle Lewis (she/her/they) is the creator & founder of The Blessings Butterfly, a holistic coaching & energy healing practice that is teaching people to live a life that they love. She is a writer, speaker, energy witch/healer, and author of the Amazon bestselling positive affirmation books, The Blessings Butterfly and The Blessings Butterfly Having worked hard for decades to overcome severely traumatic events that began in her early childhood and repeated in painful, looping patterns well into her adult life, Michelle is passionate about using her gifts and wisdom in bringing hope and healing to millions. This is more than “mindset hacks” and “Pollyanna” positivity. Through the work of what she calls Transformational Positivity, Michelle helps her clients to get clear on where to shift their thoughts and actions, while dismantling the culture of toxic positivity.

Transformational Positivity for Shitty Days

A 3-Step Energy Releasing Practice for Your Self-Care

We all experience ups and downs in our personal energy, and we all have moments when we are feeling anything but “high vibe” and positive. Congratulations on being a human! One of my very favorite things about Transformational Positivity is that you will never be shamed for being a human, having emotions, or expressing difficult feelings. You will never be told by me to just fake-it-til-you-make-it. I don’t do spiritual bypassing around here.

I will never teach you to ignore any of the challenging things that you are feeling, carrying, or stuck in. You don’t have to pretend that everything is perfect all of the time, or force yourself to smile and look at the bright side only. Instead, my offering for you today is a simple energy releasing practice to use whenever you are bogged down with hard, heavy feelings and need to make some damn sense of it all. Basically, it’s Transformational Positivity for Shitty Days.

This is a simple 3-step technique I use whenever I need to get unstuck from my wallow:

1• UNAPOLOGETIC FEELINGS DUMP. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Write or Say out loud whatever things you are feeling right now. Don’t censor yourself. It’s powerful & important to acknowledge the so-called negative thoughts, fears and hard feelings in order to learn from them, move through them, & release them. Even if you don’t magically find all the answers right away, the simple action of acknowledging your very real emotions can be enough to move the needle from completely immobilized to okay, there’s maybe possibly some hope here. Also, it’s a good reminder that you are not a robot and are allowed to have a shitty day.

2• I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Move your body as you are able to (dance, stretch, shake it out, clap your hands, walk, climb your stairs, roll your chair around, whatever) It’s okay to make some noise! Bang on a drum, clang some pans, ring some bells. Sing, shout, whistle, laugh, cry, hum, yodel, whatever. Lift some weights, or punch some air. The motions created by your movement and the vibrations of the noise you make physically dispels stagnant energy.

3• BREATHE & BRUSH. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Come back to your breath. Sit and take slow, deep, full breaths, noticing any areas of tension in your body (jaw, neck, shoulders, back, hips, etc). Send loving thoughts to the areas of your body that are carrying your hard feelings. Consciously relax tense areas. Massage or gently touch your temples, forehead, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet. Use your hands to “brush” your aura, which is the energetic space just outside of your physical body. You can do this with empty hands, or while holding your favorite crystals, a feather, leaf, or flower.

the blessings butterfly, mantra, prayer

Have you tried this 3-step method? Drop a comment and let me know how it went for you.

To learn some more Transformational Positivity techniques, take my online course How to Cultivate Positivity with 4 Simple Tools.

Michelle Lewis (she/her/they) is the creator & founder of The Blessings Butterfly, a holistic coaching & energy healing practice that is teaching people to live a life that they love. She is a writer, speaker, energy witch/healer, and author of the Amazon bestselling positive affirmation books, The Blessings Butterfly and The Blessings Butterfly Having worked hard for decades to overcome severely traumatic events that began in her early childhood and repeated in painful, looping patterns well into her adult life, Michelle is passionate about using her gifts and wisdom in bringing hope and healing to millions. This is more than “mindset hacks” and “Pollyanna” positivity. Through the work of what she calls Transformational Positivity, Michelle helps her clients to get clear on where to shift their thoughts and actions, while dismantling the culture of toxic positivity.