We’ve reached the midpoint of August, and we are also in the midst of some incredibly transformational energy that you have access to. It’s not a coincidence!
Having just moved through the hightened energy of the Lion’s Gate Portal and this last full supermoon, we are beginning to see the end of Summer fast approaching. A new season is just around the corner, and with it, a reminder from Nature that life is a series of cycles. Always another ending, always a new beginning.
If you used the Lion’s Gate Portal energy last week to begin manifesting what you truly desire, this is the time to put action into your wishes. Visualize and believe that what you want is available to you, but don’t stop there.Do the work that leads you through transformation. The universe is working in your favor, now do your part!
Now, if you didn’t get around to it last week, that’s okay. Don’t use this as an opportunity to make yourself feel bad for “missing out” on something, okay?
You DO NOT have to wait until specific dates or times before you can begin your manifesting practice. You DO NOT need to have it all figured out first. If you are looking to make some positive changes in your life, the best time to start is the present! Grab your journal and let’s get started! [BTW, this Castelli journal is absolutely gorgeous and certified climate-pledge friendly. Check out the copper Art Deco cover!]
3 Steps for Manifesting Positive Change
Okay! So you’re ready to start making some positive changes in your life. What’s next? How do you begin manifesting positive change? Here are 3 steps that you can take right now to get started:
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION. It’s wild how so many of us have been conditioned to wait for permission to act. And yet, you don’t need anyone’s permission but your own! This is YOUR life, you are in control here.
IMAGINE BETTER. You already know what you DON’T want more of, so now it’s time to consciously shift your thinking into what you DO want. What do you imagine a better version of your life would look & feel like? Write it, say it, or visually create it (use Pinterest or make an old-fashioned vision board). Picture yourself in this better space.
GATHER YOUR SQUAD. Whether it is 1 trusted person or a whole community of supporters, we have a 100% greater chance of success when we have people who believe in us. People who want to see us succeed, and are happy for us when we do. Especially when we are trying to make some positive changes in our life- support is needed more than ever!
I look forward to all of the positive changes YOU will begin manifesting! I believe in you and I am cheering you on.
How has your Summer been this year? I hope it has been full of Joy, Peace, and so many happy new memories.I also hope you are finding ways to recharge your energy.Keep reading for my top 10 mantras for beating burnout!
For me, this summer has been full of fun activities and connecting with friends every week. I’ve also been vending at local Psychic Fairs, doing in-person oracle and tarot readings in addition to working with my online clients, enjoying lunch dates with old friends, beach days, county fair, and hosting house guests. I love it!
Listen, I love this Southern California sunshine and long days to hang out on my back patio, take a nature stroll, or work in my garden. Those are some of my key practices for grounding, centering, and clearing my energy.These are non-negotiable for me in order to not veer off into over-commitment and burnout.
Still, even with my non-negotiable self care practices fully in place… I’m tired, y’all.
Like DAMN, let me just take a nap already. Anyone else?
If you can use some leisure time to just BE and not constantly DO, then these next few mantras are perfect. These are the ones I use whenever I’m physically, mentally, or emotionally wiped out.Start with these mantras to get your mindset ready to come back from burnout.Which ones are your favorites? (Mine is the last one, lol)
10 Powerful Mantras for Beating Burnout:
I am allowed to rest for as long as I want and need to
It’s okay for me to pause
It’s okay for me to let someone else handle it today
My body wants to rest, and I am happy to give it rest
I am taking some time just for myself
I will be okay even if I miss out on this experience
There is still plenty for me to enjoy when I am ready
I am happier and feel better when I get enough rest
My friends/family/loved ones understand and support my healing
Whether you can get away for a dreamy 3-week vacation, or if you are able to enjoy a few days (or hours?!) here and there… you deserve a moment to yourself to rest & recharge.
All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.
Many years ago, I wrote a blog post called, “SUCCESS begins with SELF-CARE”. I was crafty enough to turn the word SUCCESS into an anagram that included: Self-care, Understanding, Community, Creativity, Excellence, Service, and Savasana. What’s most interesting to me about this post is not how nerdy I am when it comes to wordplay but how relevant it is even now.
As entrepreneurs and values-minded people, we love to talk about The Hustle as an Evil Other. We share stories of how we’ve successfully overcome the external pressure to perform. But the truth is, when it comes to our daily routines, we’re often guilty of pushing ourselves too hard, creating unrealistic expectations for ourselves, and then diminishing or worse, ignoring our successes.
The Hustle is pervasive AF. Its insipid claws sneak into our planners, our To Do Lists, our social media feed, and our perfectionist standards. Its voice whispers “not enough” despite your life filled with big responsibilities and unexpected challenges.
In my last decade as a Business Co-Conspirator, I’ve seen this time and time again. The Hustle can be glorified as a “5-Step Marketing Plan to 7-Figures” but it’s still lipstick on a pig.
Anything that makes you feel as if your best is not enough is The Hustle in disguise…no matter how many glitter rainbows and fluffy pillows you find on the website.
Humans like things to make sense. We like to know that if we “do this plus this then we get these results”. That’s the reason why these templates and gurus do so well. They’re catering to our innate need for clarity, quick wins, and easy confidence.
I’d like to offer an alternative. This is what the real success formula looks like:
Discernment + Small Doable Actions + Noticing = Personal Success
Take small doable actionsand pay attention to your accomplishments.
Notice when you start consuming content or thinking thoughts that put you on the “not enough” train.
Then repeat. That’s it.
It’s the same as the old adage: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
We could call this Growth Mindset. We could call this Self-Compassion. We could call it simply Being Nice To Yourself. As business owners, we can also call it Success.
Whatever you call it, I’m here for it.
Real growth, real success, is an individual path that is highly customizable.
And if it hasn’t been said before, allow me to say it now:
You Are Enough.
Your best is enough. Your work is enough. Your magic is enough. Your definition of success is enough. You are enough.
Don’t let The Hustle tell you otherwise.
This is an original post written exclusively for The Blessings Butterfly.
Helen Tremethick is a thought partner & co-conspirator for badass entrepreneurs (and those who want to be). Helen uses a unique methodology called Love & Badassery that helps business owners find the courage, confidence, and clarity they need to show up wholly in their businesses.
Since 2011, she has worked with hundreds of business owners to clarify their messaging, copy, business models, and transform their self-confidence while doing so. If you’re looking for the skills you need to grow in your business and your life, Helen’s Love & Badassery Motorcycle Club is the right next step for you.
All opinions expressed in this article are the sole perception/experience of the writer, and may not necessarily be shared by Michelle Lewis – The Blessings Butterfly. All Rights Reserved.
We ALL require access to divine sweetness in our lives to thrive. The sweetness or “sweet spot” that I am referring to is a profound feeling of soul nourishment, a constant connection to our innate worth, wisdom, power, and assurance of the infinite wealth that is always here for us.
That sweetness is mostly locked away deep within us. Many of us have had to harden our hearts to survive in a world that devalues the sacred feminine. Most women have been in a state of survival, operating from an outdated model that programmed us to excessively sacrifice our desires and well-being.
Unfortunately, this type of survival functioning results in women feeling frozen and disconnected from our hearts and therefore from the very nourishment required to fully actualize our potential.
Women, activated in our divine sweetness, are a powerful transmitter of this vital nutrient. We create a portal for miracles in us and in those around us. That is why it is essential that each awakening woman find her unique portals to access this sweet spot within. To discover and accomplish our destiny, having access to that inner sweet spot must be and must remain our number one priority.
Power Practice #1: Say YES to Love
Opening to love is a practice that you must choose to in every moment if you want to experience the fullness of divine sweetness is available for you. If you are lost in a trance of scarcity or unworthiness, or if you are not willing to say yes to love, then you will not experience the profound benefits constantly offered to you to live in your sweet spot.
Power Practice #2: Find Your Unique Sweet Spot Portals & Savor Them
Each of us has unique sources that activate this divine sweetness. For example, many women love connecting with the Earth’s wisdom, beauty, power, and rhythms as a portal to their divine sweetness. Also, making room in your heart to nurture yourself and cultivating life-giving relationships and activities powerfully expands your access to this inner sweet spot.
Create time to discover inspired ways to sustain and expand access to your heart. Some women find that taking several three-minute breaks to be outside throughout their day can help them shift into their inner sweet spot. Others who are too depleted or who do not have sufficient skills to access their sweet spot will require more time and skills development to make and sustain that inner shift.
When you feel drained, it is important that you know how to quickly and powerfully source yourself and realign with that energy. In fact, the more you are serving and/or leading others in one form or another, the more vital it is to know how to renew yourself so that you show up from the best within yourself.
If your daily activities are not aligned with your sacred gifts, you will feel far away from that sweet spot. If this is the case, the misery you are feeling is a loving sign to wake up and get on your soul aligned path which will lead you to that sweet spot.
Power Practice #3: Show Up Consciously and with Full Awareness in Order to Receive
Learn to seek out and savor the depth, breadth, and vastness of the sweetness. When you notice them, show up fully present and receive from them. Perhaps there is a divine message coming through. It is important to be attuned and available so that you are conscious of your unique portals when they are being revealed to you.
Consciously focus on using all of your senses to be in that higher energy. As you do, your energy will rise, and you will feel a vibrational shift occurring within you.
Power Practice #4: Express gratitude for these portals
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude amplifies the sweetness that you can experience. Make this a habit as you go throughout your day. Even the subtle energies of sweetness that show up in our daily lives are powerfully expanded through a gratitude practice.
Power Practice #5: Let Go of Resistance and Fully Embrace All of Your Emotions
It is not unusual when the heart opens to feel deep emotions coming up for clearing. The emotions that surface is natural and part of your organic unfolding. Awakening women are thawing out from centuries of collective trauma and neglect. Draw close to all of your emotions. If pain surfaces, welcome it with love. Let go of judgment and move towards your pain with the tenderness you would have for a young child.
Constantly source yourself from the beauty, joy and spiritual nourishment you are being given through your unique portals. This is especially important when you are experiencing a major loss or a time of transition. The healing of the heartbreak will naturally follow. By saying yes to what shows up and by trusting your process, you will emerge more fully in your radiant essence with each layer of past conditioning that has been shed.
Power Practice #6: Find a Mentor and Join a Supportive Collective of Other Heart-centered Visionaries
This creates the optimal conditions to activate your sacred worth, discover your unique portals and anchor in your sweet spot. It provides a feeling of safety and connection, which naturally gifts you with a collective sweetness and opportunity to accelerate your full becoming. This personal support also helps you process challenging emotions and share your dreams in a supportive climate. This expands your heart’s power to give and receive love.
As your power to access your sweet spot develops, you discover what it feels like to fully thrive from the inside out. This inner assurance empowers you to love more freely and embrace the outer uncertainties of life with confidence and grace. The stabilizing support of this collective sweetness frees you to fully embody your authentic self and move in the direction of your dreams at lightning speed.
Marcia is a sacred feminine empowerment coach, certified hypnotherapist, and licensed counselor who specializes in empowering awakening women to break free from patriarchal conditioning, reclaim their feminine power and create lives they love. For over 25 years, Marcia has provided and continues to provide her clients with individual sessions, women’s empowerment circles, psycho-educational programs, and destination retreats. Marcia loves creating a safe space for women to connect on a heart-to-heart level so that they feel supported not just to heal, but to become who they are divinely encoded to be.
I’m sorry I haven’t taken the time to write to you sooner. Honestly, I didn’t know exactly what to say because I’m still trying to figure out what is going on!
First, let me say that I’m sorry you had to endure so much at such a young age. At a time in your life when you should have felt care-free, you instead felt a tremendous burden.
That wasn’t right.
I know that you desperately wanted, and needed, love and attention. And for real, we all do!
You shouldn’t have had to struggle so hard to feel that.
Sometimes you decided that doing things absolutely perfectly was the way you got attention, and maybe just a smattering of love, but it didn’t fill you up.
You just learned that you had to excel at everything in order to even get noticed.
And that success was always fleeting because there was always the next goal, or project, that came along.
So you’d start all over again working so, so hard to get it right.
To get noticed.
To get a little acknowledgement and a few precious moments of feeling like you were worthy.
Sometimes you thought, well F*ck this all, and became a little Rebel. That defiant little self showed up when you were tired of fighting to be valued.
If no one cared, why should you?
But deep inside you felt a bit selfish, and that you were just a disappointment.
Again, not worthy.
I’m so very sorry that things weren’t different. But know that I have learned some lessons, and I’m working on making changes for us.
I want you to know that you are always loved and worthy now. We don’t need external validation, because honestly that’s just always going to be a game with someone else determining our worth.
But here’s the big news that I’ve learned for us!
It is OK to make taking care of ourselves a priority! WOW!
I know, I know… we thought that we always had to be excelling and preforming and being the “good” one.
Everyone and everything came before us, because that’s how we had always gotten acknowledgement!
We were the great employee that went above and beyond, the great mom doing alllll the things, the spouse that kept it all going (even though we often resented it).
Little One, I have figured out that isn’t how it works! Because I can’t be anyone’s rock if I’m crumbling.
So now I’m making us more of a priority. It doesn’t mean I’m shoving everything else aside, because well… reality! But I am making sure that I’m on the list.
Self-care doesn’t have to mean “me first” but it does mean “me too.”
I’m excited for the future and I want you to know that I value what you went through. You are amazing, just the way you are.
Love you and I mean it!
Sherry VanAntwerp, also known as The GenX Whisperer, is an intuitive mindset coach and speaker. With 20+ years in corporate, raising two children and triumphing over traumatic losses, she now helps GenX women uncover and discover their passion and purpose to create more fulfilling lives. Sherry’s perspective on the craziness of life as a GenX woman drives her mission to help women follow through with their own life transformation because you can’t be anyone’s rock if you’re crumbling!
There’s a spark inside of you and we all see it. Do you? Life has a way of sometimes masking our light underneath beliefs, thoughts, and life circumstances that keep us from feeling grounded in our desires.
We are just past the halfway point for 2021. What is life showing you right now? Is it in alignment with your desires?
As we experience life and everything that comes with that, I want to share a grounding practice with you that can activate your root energy center and stimulate a remembrance of what matters to you, so that in the moments when we may feel challenged, we can remember what’s important to us.
There have been many moments when I have felt lost or felt disconnected from myself. In those moments, the practice of grounding into my desires has supported me in feeling more rooted in myself and what matters to me. Our main energy channels direct energy up and down and all around our body. They affect our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual bodies. We have additional energy centers that exist in our hands, feet, below our physical body and above our physical body. For now we are going to focus on our root center, our first energy center.
Root Energy Center
Our root center (first energy center) is the energy center located at the base of our spine.
It is connected to how safe we feel.
It governs our sense of stability.
It takes into account our self-preservation.
It shows us how connected we are to our community.
It is tied to our basic instinct of survival.
It is the foundation upon which everything else is built.
It is deeply connected to the Earth and signals to us how grounded we feel in our body, in our emotions, in our mind.
The symbolism of this practice is represented by a tree with strong roots. Without strong roots, a tree will wither and die. With strong roots, a tree will flourish and nurture everything around it. Words are very powerful and create energy in our lives so I’m sharing a practice that can ground you back into your true self. With so much going on in the world, it’s easy to lose ourselves or forget what matters to us.
This grounding practice is very simple and powerful. I discovered this from a beautiful soul name Oracle Blue. I’ve adapted it so that it connects with your root energy center.
Think of five words that root you back into yourself. These five words remind you of who you are when the world wants to tell you something different.
Take some time to get still and breathe. Think about your five words and write them down.
These five words will direct you throughout everything you do personally and professionally.
I’ve included two illustrations. You can print out the first one and fill it out and refer back to it. The second illustration is my five words. They are the foundation of who I am even when I doubt myself. It’s a remembrance of what matters to me.
As you write down each word, bring your attention to the base of your spine and breathe in your five words, allowing them to ground into your root energy system. If you’re so inclined, I would love for you to share your five words with us by commenting on this blog post.
As we navigate the rest of this year and connect with what lights us up, come back to your five words and feel the energy of them so that you continue to feel grounded in what matters to you.
I’m sending you love as you connect with the deepest part of yourself and experience a remembrance of being grounded and rooted in your whole self.
Gratitude and Love, Tracy
Tracy Neely – Intuititive Healer, Certified Life Coach and Seer For Womxn Entrepreneurs Mindset Alchemy®
Tracy Neely is an Intuitive Healer, Certified Life Coach, Seer and Soul Priestess for coaches, healers, and visionary womxn entrepreneurs that are ready to elevate to the next level of their business and experience success doing what lights up their soul. Tracy believes that transforming the way we work in our business is an inside job. Tracy believes that harmonizing and balancing our energy, activating our light and accessing our gifts will amplify the impact we desire to share with the world through the transformational work she does with her clients. Tracy works one-on-one with private clients in her Elevate Alchemy Private Coaching and Healing Program and through her Mindset Alchemy Sessions. Tracy utilizes ancient healing tools, techniques and practices to support and guide her clients through their inner-transformation so that they experience a powerful shift in their life and business.
BIG JUNE INTENTIONS: I am planning to be away from the digital life for most of this month so I can be totally present while away on my Honeymoon. I am Choosing Presence.
For the month of June, it is my intention to stay in-the-moment and also to dramatically reduce the amount of time I spend on social media… quite the challenge for someone whose business is almost exclusively online!
I am not abandoning my work, instead what I am doing is putting it back in it’s proper place. I’ve noticed that my screen time has become quite lopsided and I’m not okay with that.
To be honest, it gives me an anxious feeling to share this Big Intention. It feels very familiar- much like when I first quit smoking, or when I quit drugs, or when I learned how to not get shit-faced drunk everyday, or when I stopped disconnecting from my body especially during sex, or when I learned how to have a mutually loving & healthy relationship with food instead of using it as another tool to abuse myself… basically the way it felt for me to face, understand, and release myself from my addictions.
You know, the real-life baggage of someone who’s been through some shit.
But here’s the thing: Big Intentions can lead us to Big Transformations.
Sure, there are maybe a million tiny actions and next-steps that take place between the declaration of the Big Intention and the realization of the Big Transformation. It’s not like one just flips a switch and POOF! Metamorphosis. There may even be millions of micro-movements before the Big Intention is stated. But there IS something absolutely magickal in that moment when you decide that Yes, actually, I am ready to make a change.
The moment of the Big Intention is the moment when Hope and Faith and Belief and Wishes and Dreams and Desire all intersect, and you find yourself choosing to leap from the place of stagnant self-doubt into the realm of possibility. It’s the moment between shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It’s the moment when your “I can’t!” becomes “I think I can!”
And before anyone gets it twisted, there’s NO SHAME in getting professional help. Remember, you’re still the one doing the work even when you’ve got a coach, therapist, or specialist guiding & supporting you.
Maybe your own Big Intention is something that challenges you, inspires you, or even maybe scares you- it’s okay. Gather up your courage, call in your support squad, and take that next right step forward. As soon as you decide that you’re ready to make that change, whatever it may be- your own Big Transformation is waiting on the other side of it.
A 3-Step Energy Releasing Practice for Your Self-Care
We all experience ups and downs in our personal energy, and we all have moments when we are feeling anything but “high vibe” and positive. Congratulations on being a human! One of my very favorite things about Transformational Positivity is that you will never be shamed for being a human, having emotions, or expressing difficult feelings. You will never be told by me to just fake-it-til-you-make-it. I don’t do spiritual bypassing around here.
I will never teach you to ignore any of the challenging things that you are feeling, carrying, or stuck in. You don’t have to pretend that everything is perfect all of the time, or force yourself to smile and look at the bright side only. Instead, my offering for you today is a simple energy releasing practice to use whenever you are bogged down with hard, heavy feelings and need to make some damn sense of it all. Basically, it’s Transformational Positivity for Shitty Days.
This is a simple 3-step technique I use whenever I need to get unstuckfrom my wallow:
1• UNAPOLOGETIC FEELINGS DUMP. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Write or Say out loud whatever things you are feeling right now. Don’t censor yourself. It’s powerful & important to acknowledge the so-called negative thoughts, fears and hard feelings in order to learn from them, move through them, & release them. Even if you don’t magically find all the answers right away, the simple action of acknowledging your very real emotions can be enough to move the needle from completely immobilized to okay, there’s maybe possibly some hope here. Also, it’s a good reminder that you are not a robot and are allowed to have a shitty day.
2• I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Move your body as you are able to (dance, stretch, shake it out, clap your hands, walk, climb your stairs, roll your chair around, whatever) It’s okay to make some noise! Bang on a drum, clang some pans, ring some bells. Sing, shout, whistle, laugh, cry, hum, yodel, whatever. Lift some weights, or punch some air. The motions created by your movement and the vibrations of the noise you make physically dispels stagnant energy.
3• BREATHE & BRUSH. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Come back to your breath. Sit and take slow, deep, full breaths, noticing any areas of tension in your body (jaw, neck, shoulders, back, hips, etc). Send loving thoughts to the areas of your body that are carrying your hard feelings. Consciously relax tense areas. Massage or gently touch your temples, forehead, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet. Use your hands to “brush” your aura, which is the energetic space just outside of your physical body. You can do this with empty hands, or while holding your favorite crystals, a feather, leaf, or flower.
Have you tried this 3-step method? Drop a comment and let me know how it went for you.
For the month of March, I will be continuing my exploration of Whole-Self Love with a particular focus on the importance of Self Care. I will be sharing some of my own rituals, as well as those from some of my favorite folx around the world. Enjoy!
What does ‘Self Care’ mean to you? Does it conjure up images of a spoiled princess or celebrity whose every whim is being attended to by her groveling personal staff? Do you tend to write it off as something decadent, frivolous and/or unrealistic for you? I know that if you’re anything like me, chances are that you’ve spent a lot of your life resisting or flat out rejecting the idea of Self-Care as being something for you to indulge in while simultaneously labeling it as SELFISH, and therefore, BAD.
This, my friend, is a key step: recognizing that Self-Care is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good and necessary thing that everyone, regardless of age, race, gender, ability, or socio-economic status deserves to experience for optimum health. Truly, it’s about providing the care that your body, mind, soul and spirit need to support you throughout your time here on the planet.
GOOD NEWS: Creating a personal self-care practice that feels lush, supportive, and satisfying is not as hard to do as you might think. It doesn’t have to break the bank, either! It’s helpful to remind ourselves that Self-Care does not necessitate Luxury. Self-Care is so much more than 24k Gold facials, Champagne bubble baths, or having a private masseuse on call 24/7 (although that would be the kind of luxurious amenities that I could learn to get used to). Luxury items and experiences are wonderful, and if you can have the privilege of access to them then please do so with total enjoyment; but if you aren’t a princess or a celebrity or a millionaire don’t fall for the mistaken thinking that it’s got to be all-or-nothing. Self-Care isn’t selfish, and it’s not just for the super-rich.
Tip of the Week: Build on the Basics
START WHERE YOU ARE: When you are trying to figure out what a regular Self-Care practice can look like for you, begin with finding your baseline then build from there. By simply taking some time to examine what you are currently doing, it’s easy to map out a cultivated routine that suits you.
We all have some basic maintenance requirements for these fabulous human bodies that we live in which include food, water, sleep, and shelter. These are non-negotiable for our survival. We must recognize that each of these 4 areas can be enhanced to build a practice of Self-Care. Additionally, you may have a body that is able to include movement as part of its daily experience, and you may also be in a position to enjoy access to clothing, bathing, community, education, and health/wellness. All of these have the potential to be developed into something that enriches and supports you physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally for a holistic approach to Self-Care.
Loving and caring for our physical body starts with basic maintenance and expands to suit our individual preferences and abilities. Food and Water becomes an adventure in nourishment. Sleep and Shelter becomes a commitment to daily restoration. Movement becomes stretching, strengthening, challenging, and exploring what your body can do. Bathing andClothing evolve into personal grooming, tending, pleasuring, delighting, adorning, and expressing. Community, Education, and Health/Wellness turn into opportunities for including, accepting, embracing, expanding, soothing, and healing. Can you see the difference? Does this open your mind to new possibilities? This is how we develop a Self-Care routine that suits us and celebrates us as individuals.
Food for Thought
Self-Care that makes sense will be tailored to YOU. It will take into account your individual needs and wants, it will fit into your current lifestyle and it will adapt accordingly as your life and your body change. Some questions to reflect on:
How do you currently care for the body that you live in?
Which of the 4 basic maintenance areas (food, water, sleep, and shelter) can you improve for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
Which of the 6 additional areas (movement, bathing, clothing, community, education, health/wellness) can you build on for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
It takes courage to get to know yourself, so Bravo! I see you and I salute you as you take these positive steps towards Transformation. PLEASE do not be tempted to use your answers to these questions to heap shame on yourself. You are not a bad person, you are not “doing it wrong” or failing at life. Instead, use your answers as information to help you make new choices moving forward.
If you have questions about how to take some next steps in creating your own Self-Care routine and rituals, why don’t you go ahead and schedule a free consultation call with me? I would love to have a quick chat with you. Click on the “Schedule” button at the top of this page today to set up a no-obligation call or video conference with me.
What would it look like for you to take your relationship with your body to the next level?
What if I told you that you could love the body that you live in, exactly as it is? YES- without losing/gaining weight, changing your hair, or altering your external image in any way. Imagine what it would feel like to stop being angry at it, disappointed in it, embarrassed by it, afraid of it, or ashamed of it.
I am not going to pretend that this is an easy, 2-step process or that I have a magic potion that will instantly take you from Loathe to Love. You won’t be hearing from me that you have go through some hard-ass Boot Camp to break yourself down first in order to build yourself back up. I am also not going to bullshit you with the claim that “all” you have to do is change your mindset (HELLO, changing your mindset is not like switching a light on or off!) We are much more complex than that and our stories require us to move forward with nuance and care. But I will tell you the truth that it absolutely IS possible and that you CAN learn to truly Love the body that you live in.
It’s also true that you will still experience some highs and some lows; you will still have moments when you slip back into old ways of thinking before you catch yourself and get your booty back on your positive path. I sure do, anyway, and I’ve been practicing Whole-Self Love for more than a decade! It is a life’s work that is well worth every ounce of energy that you put into it, every tear, every journal entry, every layer of pain/drama/lies/ peeled away.
Knowing that… Would you be willing to trade embarrassed for empowered?
Could you dare to swap disappointed in for devoted to?
Can you see the possibility for you and your body to have a positive relationship with each other?
Hallmarks of a Loving Relationship With Your Body
Any strong relationship will have some hallmarks that make it stand apart from more casual acquaintances. It’s no different for cultivating a loving connection with your body. Here are 5 key areas to consider:
Awareness & Clarity
Awareness & Clarity
Who do you think you are? Awareness & Clarity points to having an honest, true understanding of who you are, what your body is, and how the two of you are going to move through the rest of your life together. One of my favorite tools for this is what I call the Look Deeper Mirror Experiment. This means having the courage to really see yourself as a Divine, sovereign, intelligent being, and your body as both a unique entity and as the temporary housing and vehicle through which you are experiencing life as a Person. To do this, Strip down to your bare-naked self and face yourself in the mirror. Start with your eyes; look into them- really get in deep! You may be tempted to look away, but don’t. What do you feel? Nervous, scared, sad, surprised? Don’t pull away from the feelings, notice them, acknowledge them, follow them. They are clues to Who you are, Where you need healing, and What your body most wants from you. Next, notice everything that you like about your physical body. Send some love, appreciation and kind words from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. When/If you start going down that tired old path of self-criticism and the list of bits and parts you wish looked different, STOP. Remind yourself then and there that you are on a new path now, and that you are learning how to Love yourself. Your WHOLE self.
If you want to experience the positive transformation and deep healing that comes from a Whole-Self Love practice, I recommend having a loving conversation with yourself every day, and a kind word for yourself every time you see yourself in the mirror. At the very least, how about no more actively hating the person looking back at you? That’s a good place to start!
Commitment is about making the choice to stay, stick with, and work at something. It’s having the quality of dedication, and it shows up in people who are trustworthy, loyal, honorable. Making a commitment to care for yourself and to love yourself, doesn’t mean that you are being narcissistic or selfish. Far from it. In fact, by committing to love yourself and the body that you live in helps to develop your autonomy and your ability to care for and love the people around you more authentically and with healthy boundaries.
Another favorite tool is writing a Love Letter to Your Body. If you’ve never tried this, you may be surprised by how powerful this can be! You can write it in any way that suits you, whether it’s a narrative or a list or a stream of consciousness or a sonnet. You don’t have be an eloquent writer and you don’t have to show it to anybody; it’s really just another way to reveal and encounter more of your truest self. For an example of one I wrote a while back, click here.
Developing a self-love practice takes some time. It takes some thoughtfulness and intention, and it takes a commitment. It takes some courage to break free from the negative scripts and internal dialogue, and to rebel against the culture of body shaming. But every bit of effort that you put into it is precious and creates a more positive relationship and connection to your true Self, which in turn leads to a more satisfying and happy life.
Having good communication is one of the most important components of any successful relationship, so now that you’ve taken steps towards Awareness, Clarity, and Commitment it stands to reason that having good Communication with your body is key to cultivating this positive relationship. Where are you at with this? How well do you pay attention to your body signals, and what do you do with them? For example:
FOOD– Do you eat when you’re hungry? Do you know which foods are most nourishing and supportive to your body, and which ones to avoid because they are causing you pain? Do you find food & eating in general to be tricky and triggering? This is a HUGE area of challenge for so many of us. Over the years I have worked with dieticians, nutritionists, health coaches, WW, etc and have had varying degrees of success. None of them have helped me to change my unhealthy relationship with food until I began Noom. For me, it was the exact kind of support that I had been missing. I have an affiliate link that will get you 20% off if when you sign up for their program: Click Here
SLEEP– Do you let yourself rest whenever you’re feeling tired? Do you give yourself enough sleep each day? When your head hits the pillow, does your brain fight with your exhausted body, or do you drift off into a blissful slumber? I have always been a vivid dreamer (good and bad) and since childhood have been able to remember them upon waking. For years, particularly after surviving some major traumatic events in my early 20’s I suffered from nightmares, night terrors, and insomnia. It wasn’t until I finally began to address the underlying stresses and traumas I was carrying (hello, therapy!) that I could return to giving my body good sleep on a regular basis. Now, whenever I have some unresolved issues that keep me up at night, I know how to handle them.
PAIN– How do you respond to pain in your body? Do you ignore it, numb it, push through it? Do you get mad at it, or get angry at your body? I recently shared through my Facebook group, Transformational Positivity, about a breakthrough regarding my response to injuring my back: “Whoooo am I working on this one for sure! I mysteriously injured my upper back yesterday morning and my first response was anything but loving. I was Mad! 😡 I was SO angry at it. 🤬 It actually shocked me how much rage I felt towards the pain in my body. So what did I do after the unhelpful yelling? • Slow, mindful, deep breaths • Concentrated on relaxing the seized muscle • Verrrrrrry gentle stretching • Let [my fiance] help me • Heating pad • Cold cloth • REST • Lots of water, juice • Advil • Recognize that being mad at my body was not a loving or helpful response to it being in need, but was instead abusive and a very old pattern that I am working to replace with kindness & support.”
These are just 3 of many areas where it’s valuable to be in good communication with your body. Essentially, what you want to do to cultivate better communication for a more loving relationship with the body you live in is to listen to your body and actively meet its needs. Understand that our bodies are designed to change throughout our entire life. Pay attention to when your body’s needs change, and adapt your care routine accordingly.
Having a strong Support System is vital to the health of your new, positive relationship with your body. After all, up until now you’ve likely been firmly ensconced within the destructive, oppressive body-shaming culture that is fueled by the diet industry, fashion industry, cosmetics industry, the social media & entertainment industries, pharmaceutical companies, Westernized religion and the patriarchal, puritanical system that rules it all. Having the audacity to radically love yourself is to effectively stick your middle fingers straight up at it all. That kind of courage requires that you have people in your corner who get it, who understand and can hold space for you to learn, process, and grow in your healthy, positive relationship to your Self and your body.
You need to have people in your life who support you as a person, people you can turn to when you need advice and guidance as well as when you want to celebrate. Ideally, you want to have people like this who you can connect with in person as well as through phone, text, email, or even public & private social media groups. I would love to be part of your support team, whether through my 1:1 Soul-Mirroring Sessions, Spiritual Clarity Readings, or as part of my free Facebook group. If you’re not already on my mailing list, join today and get a free gift as well as a Weekly Positivity Boost from me, straight to your inbox.
The last area I want to look at is that special not-so-secret ingredient that makes successful relationships stand out above all the rest: FUN! It’s the same with your relationship with your body.
FUN can look like anything from adrenaline-pumping sports and high-energy physical activities to quiet meditative walks in Nature or relaxing on a sunny beach. It can be found through artistic expression, creativity, dance, making music, writing poetry or enjoying your favorite shows. FUN can be sexual intimacy with your partner or a private, solo exploration of what feels great and turns you on. FUN can be hanging out with a few good friends, playing with your kids or grandchildren, walking your dog or watching funny cat videos. This is obviously not an exhaustive list- the point is that FUN is something that every human desires and deserves to experience. Also, it’s good to note that what may sound like a great time for me might be either too wild or too tame for you, and that’s perfect. You do You, Boo.
You could go through your life being miserable and not having any fun whatsoever, but why do that when you have a world of opportunities to explore?
Like Before Love
If you’ve read all the way through and feel as though Self-Love is still a little too far away for you, but you are willing to try something– start with a Like List. A “Like List” is a list of all the things that you like about yourself. It should include as many positive attributes about yourself that you can possibly come up with in each of these 4 categories- physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The Like List is something that you can add to at any time, or make a new one anytime you want to.
If you find that you don’t know where to start, ask your best friends to help you. ONLY ask the people who you trust and who have proven themselves to be kind, not critical! You may be very pleasantly surprised at the good things that others can so easily see in you. With a little practice, you can begin to start seeing, appreciating, liking and even loving these qualities that all help to make you You.