Your power is not something you force externally, or obtain, it is not reliant on anything or anyone. While you can still surround yourself with things you derive happiness from, it is important to draw yourself home to your intangible inner world. Your worth and power should not be found in things, people or experiences. Do not sacrifice your real power in search of the powerless illusions of the ego.
Where have you given your power over to someone or something outside of yourself?
The universe gives you specific circumstances and people to learn from, so if you find yourself in a space which you would rather not be in, stop right now and see how you created the space that you are in. Then ask yourself what thinking got me here? Placing blame in people and situations outside of yourself will only take you away from your true power. The reality is, God/Goddess/Source/Spirit gave you everything for a reason, so relax, and enjoy the journey, you have got this, you have the power.
Everything is where it needs to be, including you. Choosing to release how you think it should go, and how you think people should behave, will ease you away from pain and grievances. If you release the illusions you hold, then the things outside of yourself will make space for the infinite power within yourself to emerge. If you are holding too tightly onto external things—people, positions, places, events, objects and outcomes—then there is no room for things to emerge inside of yourself.
Expand Into Your Real Power
Expanding your life starts by expanding your power. Real power does not just expand externally, it expands internally. Meet yourself in this moment, allow it to be what it is, without judgement, shame, embarrassment, hatred, or hurt. Just allow. This moment is said to be your life, when you lean into the moment you are leaning into your life and the lessons of it.
You are reclaiming your soulful power and allocating a new meaning to your life by stepping away from the stories that keep you stuck.
No longer is the power outside of yourself, no longer do you need to know who will be where and when, no longer do you feel drawn to purchasing something to feel better. You have stepped into your one true power. The power of your being. In this loving space it is all easy. Let me repeat that again, it is all easy. It is spacious, and it is graceful. Now breathe deeply. This is your life, your one true life, and you are now lifting yourself higher.
How have I prevented myself from stepping into my inward power?
What might I need to let go of to move forward?
How can I make space to tune into my inward power?
Who or what must I release to awaken the power that was within me all along?
Sarah Marie Liddle is a Certified Professional Coach, and Certified Body Ecologist. Sarah has been a coach for fifteen years. She specialises in wellness, healing and soul growth. Sign up for Sarah’s weekly news/letter. Receive wellness tips, seasonal rituals, and nourishing ways to connect to yourself and others—completely free. Join the newsletter. To learn more about Sarah visit her website.
Hi there, loves! I’m Kristin and in 2020 I created a business in Kansas City, Missouri called Unravel Your Life. I create & take opportunities that allow me to help people de-clutter their homes & minds, making more space for them to stretch out their arms & be themselves. I do Akashic Record & Tarot readings, and I’m learning Reiki & energy healing. It’s glorious & I’m grateful because my life is rad. I let the Universe guide me on what to do next. I listen, I move forward, one step at a time, with Spirit by my side, receiving messages for myself and for my clients. I feel connected & fulfilled for the first time in my life.
Sounds beautiful & fun & easy breezy, doesn’t it!? Like I just woke up one day and became a magical mystical spiritual goddess. Like I just stepped into energy work & oops, discovered I could hear messages from Spirit for myself and others. Teehee, the fairies made me do it!
NOPE. HARD NOPE. NOOOOOOPE.
It’s been hard af.
I didn’t step into this life, into energy work, gracefully & with poise. It wasn’t an angelic ascension or a miracle enlightenment. It wasn’t perfection incarnate. It wasn’t love & light & laughter. It was so. very. human. And spoiler alert…being a human is gross. And heartbreaking. And messy. And smelly. And imperfect. And hairy. And overwhelming. And it hurts. A lot.
But for me, it was the only way through.
Shiny On The Outside
Because for decades, I had tried everything else. I was a rule follower & I listened to what society told me to do: “Stop crying. Study up. Climb the ladder. Buckle down. Hustle. Work hard. Keep moving. Buy more! Eat this. Lose weight. Improve yourself. Move on. Try harder.” Guess what? It didn’t work. I had a great career. I had a great life. I had everything they said would give me happiness. But I felt unfulfilled, burned out. And the world around me was still a mess.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you saw me, you’d never know that I wasn’t happy. On the outside, I usually looked shiny & excited, and I always looked put together & accomplished & productive. That’s the persona I built my entire life. I was independent & studious & a go-getter. But inside, I was scared a lot. I needed to control all the things to keep the anxiety at bay. I was always moving, always planning, always thinking ahead. Running so fast that time (life) would just fly by me. I kept my mind either racing with distractions or numbed out with alcohol. Never just still. Never just present. Never just fully here. I pushed down anything that was scary or sad or dark or unpleasant or uncomfortable to feel, and leaned hard into safety, security, comfort, control.
In some ways it felt like living a double life. Super fine & dandy on the outside. “All good here! Livin’ the dream! Keepin’ busy!” And then under the surface I often felt…broken. A mess. Like I needed fixing because I did all the things & still wasn’t happy. Still wasn’t satisfied with myself and my life. Still didn’t know what I wanted. Still didn’t feel like I had a purpose. I felt far away from myself & had no idea who I was or wanted to be.
And all that stuff I suppressed, pushed down, ignored, denied? It had nowhere to go. It stayed inside of me because I wouldn’t let it out. It bubbled & boiled & lingered. And so every so often, always in the dark, always in private, I would break down & shatter into a thousand pieces. All the darkness I ignored would spill out & through me, I couldn’t control it any longer. Panic, paralyzation, disorientation. In those moments when I let it all loose, I felt completely batshit crazy. Like I was nuts for feeling so ‘fine’ most of the time (life is good! I have all the things!) and then for being completely blindsided again and again by this deep, dark horrible realization that living as I was, with high functioning anxiety & indecision & fear & control, wasn’t really how I wanted to live.
It was like waking up for a brief moment after being asleep for a really long time. It was like glimpsing reality for a brief moment after living in denial for decades. It was like realizing that I had been floating along, letting the current of busy life just sweep me away, getting farther and farther and farther away from myself. It felt fucking awful. It felt like I was so broken inside, so unfixable, that maybe I should just stop tryin’.
This happened over and over throughout my life, when I least expected it, when I thought everything was good & under control. Until I reached a point in 2016, hyperventilating (again) on the floor of my closet, after 6 MONTHS of debilitating indecision & anxiety over an impending break up, where I just couldn’t do it anymore. This cycle of living in the land of make believe and crashing into reality, over and over. 30 years of curation. 30 years of seeking perfection. 30 years of trying to control everything. I was tired. I was done. I wouldn’t put myself through that again.
Healing From The Inside
So in that moment, I made a vow to stop pretending. To start dealing with my shit instead of burying it inside of me. It was the only thing left I hadn’t tried. The only thing I had always been too scared to do. Facing myself. Turning inwards, instead of out there, to “find myself.” At the age of 31, I stopped pretending that I was “fine” & started wading through the muck of my life. Childhood experiences that made me build super strong armor around my heart & hide who I really was. Beliefs I had about life that were hurting me, not helping me. All the rules & the ‘shoulds’ I had accumulated over decades. For me personally, a big one was feeling all the things I never let myself feel when I was 13 and my mom died. At her funeral, I smiled & played with my cousins & was “totally fine, thanks bye!.” I never grieved. I never processed.
I unearthed everything within me that I had been pretending wasn’t there. I stepped into myself. And it was horrifying stuff. It’s dark in there, in the corners of yourself you’ve never dared to look. I got a therapist. I started digging & exploring within myself. Anything that came up, instead of suppressing it & running in the other direction, I faced it. Wrote about it. Talked about it. Shared about it. Read about it. Cried about it. Laughed about it. Raged about it. I let anything that needed to surface, surface. And I faced it. And it sucked.
But I also realized that it’s everything I came here to do. I’m here to LIVE, not float through life. I’m here to THRIVE, not settle for some mediocre existence. I’m here to be a messy human, not a perfect robot. I’m here to learn & grow & expand. And now I have enough room inside me to do that. Those things that I suppressed actually took up real estate inside of me. They blocked my life force from flowing. They kept ‘me’ hidden & small, when all I’ve ever really wanted is to be seen & valued & loved. They kept my mind spinning. For decades I hemorrhaged my personal power & energy trying to keep them quiet & hidden & secret.
“Finding myself” was not a process of adding new experiences, new skills, new jobs, new knowledge on top of myself. The accumulation actually made it even harder for me to see myself within all that junk. “Finding myself” was a process of removal. Digging deep. Exploring. Rooting around & removing all the junk that others had given to me. Expectations, shoulds, beliefs, stories, lies, inherited traumas from my family & ancestors….stuff that wasn’t really mine. And when I unraveled that mess inside myself, when I made space, all that was left was…me.
And what’s extra wild is that when the noise & clutter were gone, and I could hear myself clearly for the first damn time, I didn’t feel alone & small in a deep dark cave of nothingness. I felt…connected for the first time in my life to something bigger than me.
Where I used to spend so much of my energy curating and improving and perfecting myself, and caring what other people thought of me, and maintaining my image, now my power is free for me to use. The energy has always been there. The connection has always been there. The power has always been there. But I was always too busy racing through life to notice.
Maybe like me, you were told to leave your troubles behind & climb to the highest heights to find happiness. Those stairs lead nowhere. Trust me, I climbed pretty damn high. You are strong enough to feel all the things & to face all of you. Stop climbing. Turn around. And start stepping down into yourself. It will be gross, and heartbreaking, and messy, and smelly, and imperfect, and hairy, and overwhelming, and hard af, and it will hurt. A lot. But for me, it was the only way through.
Kristin Nelson (she/hers) lives in Kansas City, Missouri but keeps little pieces of her heart all over the world in the places she’s lived & loved. In 2019, burnt out by a 12-year fundraising career, she quit to fulfill a dream of leading biking tours in Europe with Backroads. That terrifying leap of faith changed everything, and in 2020 she started working for herself & created Unravel Your Life, LLC. A highly sensitive person (HSP) herself, Kristin understands overwhelm all too well & helps people move through clutter & the daunting home organization projects they dread. She also receives messages for clients from Spirit via the Akashic Records & Tarot, which makes her magic-seeking inner child insanely happy. In her Aquarian, Projector heart of hearts, Kristin really wants to use her privilege & power as a white, cisgendered woman to dismantle the racist & sexist systems running our world & to create a new paradigm of leadership that makes everyone feel like they are truly seen, “gotten”, and treasured.
There’s a remarkable woman I know. A little bit on a personal level, but on a heart and soul level—I see her and she is pretty fxcking cool. I’ve witnessed her strength, and grace, and ability to consider others even during challenging personal moments. She’s someone I look to to remind me that we are far deeper and greater than our circumstances and that we can embody so much at one time. We can be fearful and hopeful, we can be grieving while dreaming, or even centered on self while being of service to others.
I was incredibly honored, but a bit taken aback when this strong woman, Michelle Lewis, private-messaged me asking if I would write about how I show up to life with love, courage, respect, compassion and peace for MY SELF. So I got curious and started asking myself how I show up to life as a strong woman who embodies these high-vibe traits. ‘Cause man, does Michelle do it well!
It’s only when I know ME in the moment that I can make the necessary adjustments. And sometimes those are bold changes towards setting clear boundaries and loving myself. I learned 25 years ago, from one of my master teachers, that checking in with myself first was solid good practice for how to address any challenges whether situational or relationship wise. We are co-creators. We’re all in this together and if I don’t check in with myself to see what my role in “this” is, then I am missing the mark. Let me share a bold decision I made a few years ago that propelled me to the life I live now.
I was 50 (for those of you who know western astrology this is during a Chiron return and mine is in my first house—childhood wounds and trauma). It was Thanksgiving day. I shared a story with someone about my unhealthy, one-sided, and confusing relationship with my father. The person I was sharing this with was shocked, as they had known me my whole life. “Tina, I had no idea,” they replied with concern. Then they shared one thought that changed everything.
“I wonder if he (my father) has Narcissistic Personality Disorder?” My whole life flashed before my eyes—like a video replay. And I heard myself say, “No wonder he doesn’t love me. It’s not my fault.” My eyes filled with tears, my heart pounded and I was devastated. AND I felt an indescribable sense of freedom.
I had spent my entire life wondering what I had to do to be seen and loved by this man. And now on the heels of this new aha! moment was a deep dive into understanding this disorder and what I was going to do about it. After weeks of research and consulting professionals, I had made one of the most challenging decisions of my life—to go NO CONTACT.
Well, it’s been 5 years and it’s like he didn’t even notice. My own father hasn’t reached out to me nor his grandchildren. He moved on to his next source. MY GAWD! what a relief to come to this realization, that my own birth father, someone who was supposed to protect me and love me without condition, dropped the ball because of who HE is……NOT who I am.
It was devastating because I knew no matter what I did things would never change. I doubted my decision for a while, grieved for a couple years, and to this day still think about him. Sometimes with anger, but mostly with gratitude for my awareness and the decision I made to protect myself and my family. Aside from not having to anxiously navigate that messed up relationship anymore, I needed to find purpose and meaning in it. Like Why? Why would I have picked him to be my father? Why would I have agreed to this?
What am I here to learn?
I was working with a Body and Emotion Code therapist, a couple years after my no contact decision, who sweetly yet firmly responded to my questions. She said, “You are here, as Tina, to learn unconditional love. In fact, you are getting your PhD in Unconditional Love. God wouldn’t put you in a family that knew how to love unconditionally. You wouldn’t learn that way, right?” Crap. Made total sense.
This was a very empowering time for me. I felt rebellious and free!!! — to discover who I am rather than who I thought I had to be in the eyes of others. It was in the stars, right? Thanks Chiron. The timing was divine and each day moving forward I gained a greater sense of compassion (not pity) for myself. I have created a life of peace. A life that is at my pace, in my time, with my boundaries, plenty of rest and quiet, and bringing in moments of ceremony—like lighting a candle, reciting mantras, breathing, journaling, nature walks, and fire burning. I love to connect with others through my passion of Chinese metaphysics and astrology. And, I pay forward the gifts I’ve been given by teaching, as well as donating energy to charitable organizations that assist children who feel alone, hungry and scared.
Check in with Yourself
I’m still checking in with myself. It’s a habit now, it’s just how I do things. Not everyone has that skill—my father sure didn’t. Once I realized my role in enabling this nonsense and toxicity to continue, it was an easy call. I did what I did because I love and respect myself. The consequences of that decision have blessed me. I’m aware of the lifetime of trauma that came from this relationship. I’m more aware of what my wounds are and what stress responses I have because of them. I am learning to take all that love, respect, and compassion I have offered others and direct it upon myself by creating a life that is intentional, meaningful and peaceful.
It’s never too late to love yourself. Check in. Ask questions. What are you co-creating? Is it serving your highest well being? How are you going to love yourself today?
Tina Falk BFA, Certified Feng Shui Practitioner, Chinese Astrologer & Metaphysician
I am Tina Falk, a Chinese Metaphysician and Astrologer. I’ve been practicing this way of life since 2005. My goal is to provide a professional and intuitive perspective to enhance your awareness and appreciation of Self and Space. My role is to bring you into a place of being in gratitude, creating conscious intentions, taking action and believing in your own power. This will propel you into a more meaningful and purposeful life.I am a classically trained feng shui practitioner who also incorporates Landform and BTB principles. And to me, the most exciting aspect is integration of your 4 Pillar Chinese astrology charts. My approach allows me to personalize your whole feng shui experience! I can make recommendations that are specific to you, and each member of your family or business team. Everyone deserves that personal attention.Overall, I am here to support — sometimes with a firm stance, but always with love and empathy — and to inspire a new way in which you see the world and your place in it.Feng shui has enriched my life by revealing everything from the insanely obvious to the subtlest of energy in our surroundings. We are sensitive beings and when we can connect and create a sacred relationship with ourselves, our space and others…damn, life gets exciting and motivating!Feng Shui has been a true gift to me . . . and my family. I intend for it to be the same for you.
BIG JUNE INTENTIONS: I am planning to be away from the digital life for most of this month so I can be totally present while away on my Honeymoon. I am Choosing Presence.
For the month of June, it is my intention to stay in-the-moment and also to dramatically reduce the amount of time I spend on social media… quite the challenge for someone whose business is almost exclusively online!
I am not abandoning my work, instead what I am doing is putting it back in it’s proper place. I’ve noticed that my screen time has become quite lopsided and I’m not okay with that.
To be honest, it gives me an anxious feeling to share this Big Intention. It feels very familiar- much like when I first quit smoking, or when I quit drugs, or when I learned how to not get shit-faced drunk everyday, or when I stopped disconnecting from my body especially during sex, or when I learned how to have a mutually loving & healthy relationship with food instead of using it as another tool to abuse myself… basically the way it felt for me to face, understand, and release myself from my addictions.
You know, the real-life baggage of someone who’s been through some shit.
But here’s the thing: Big Intentions can lead us to Big Transformations.
Sure, there are maybe a million tiny actions and next-steps that take place between the declaration of the Big Intention and the realization of the Big Transformation. It’s not like one just flips a switch and POOF! Metamorphosis. There may even be millions of micro-movements before the Big Intention is stated. But there IS something absolutely magickal in that moment when you decide that Yes, actually, I am ready to make a change.
The moment of the Big Intention is the moment when Hope and Faith and Belief and Wishes and Dreams and Desire all intersect, and you find yourself choosing to leap from the place of stagnant self-doubt into the realm of possibility. It’s the moment between shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It’s the moment when your “I can’t!” becomes “I think I can!”
And before anyone gets it twisted, there’s NO SHAME in getting professional help. Remember, you’re still the one doing the work even when you’ve got a coach, therapist, or specialist guiding & supporting you.
Maybe your own Big Intention is something that challenges you, inspires you, or even maybe scares you- it’s okay. Gather up your courage, call in your support squad, and take that next right step forward. As soon as you decide that you’re ready to make that change, whatever it may be- your own Big Transformation is waiting on the other side of it.
In the midst of the chaos of today’s global health crisis, it isn’t surprising that a lot of people find it extra hard to stay positive and happy. A study published in the Journal of Affective Disorder highlights how psychological distress associated with the pandemic can potentially lead to higher levels of adverse psychiatric symptoms, such as major depressive disorder and PTSD. In the face of this reality, it becomes even more important for all of us to look into the ways we can encourage positivity — and what better place to start than home?
Letting more plants and sunlight into your home
If you are wondering why a lot of people seem to be hooked on planting and gardening these days, that’s probably because of the many mental and physical health benefits they provide. Gardening promotes mental and physical health by restoring dexterity and strength and encouraging low-intensity exercise that’s known to lessen the risk of mental health problems.
To reap these benefits, you can start turning your home into a greener space by adding a few indoor plants here and there. As a beginner, it would be best to stick with plants like Golden Pothos Vine, Spider Plant, and Lucky Bamboo, which are super easy to take care of and are tough to kill.
Aside from this, try letting more sunlight into your home, as this can also do wonders in making you feel even more positive. After all, adequate exposure to sunlight has been proven to increase the production of serotonin — a hormone that’s capable of boosting mood and helping people feel calm and focused.
Getting a standing work desk
If you are one of those people who have been forced to work from home when the pandemic started, one of the ways you can invite positivity into your home is by taking extra care of yourself as you work. Yes, ergonomic office furniture can sometimes be a bit pricey, but they can be of great help in making you feel comfortable while working as well as in preventing ailments that are often associated with having to work in front of a computer for hours on end.
An example of an ergonomic office fixture that you can add to your home to dramatically improve your work experience is a standing desk. Standing desks, also known as sit-stand desks, are special desks that let users switch between sitting and standing multiple times in a day as they work. Through this, you will be able to save yourself from the many dangers of excessive sitting, such as chronic pain and increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, obesity, diabetes, and depression.
Decluttering and investing in good storage solutions
Most of the time, our immediate environment affects our mental health much more than we like to admit. Believe it or not, a person’s living space, along with the things that are inside it, can potentially trigger stress, impact mood and take away positive energy.
To keep your home from being a stress-inducing space, what you can do is invest in good storage solutions that can keep clutter away. By having enough storage space, you would be more inclined to declutter your home, which has been found to lower stress, provide a sense of achievement, boost self-esteem, and allow you to manage anxiety better.
Jenni is a yoga enthusiast who believes that this world needs more positivity and love. Not quite a vegan yet, she enjoys jogging, hiking, and swimming. Her ultimate goal in life is to be able to publish a book on health and wellness someday.
In my work as a transformational mindset coach, I spend a lot of time helping people to become living embodiments of Real, Radical, Transformational Positivity. It’s BIG work designed to help folx create positive change in their own lives first, so that they can experience the healing for themselves and extend it into their relationships. Think of it as a ripple of positive transformation that flows outward.
Whenever I begin work with a new client, they are often in a place where they feel stuck and very, very frustrated. They’ve been trying to move forward on an old goal and just don’t seem to be making any real progress. They’ve been spinning their wheels or going in the same circles and are just worn out from trying so hard, but yielding little if any results.
They’re PISSED OFF and bummed out, exhausted and ready to give up on their dreams.
They’re this close to quitting, but are open to giving it one more try.
If I can help them to make even one positive shift, however large or small, it is often just the nudge they needed to look at things differently and create the momentum they want. From there, it’s amazing how the missing pieces begin to fall into place.
It Starts With A Dream
One of the first things that we will typically do together is have a fresh look at their dream, their goal, or the idea that they’ve been holding onto. Sometimes, they’ve lost the plot and have made their vision try to be something that it was never meant to be; other times, maybe they’ve skipped past the big dream entirely or tried to make it too small, too tame.
I challenge them to dream again.
Let me encourage you to make a hot date with yourself this week for some serious daydreaming (don’t push it off to next week, please… trust me on this one).
Get Expansive. Dream BIG. Give yourself the time and space to get creative. Imagine something spectacular for yourself. Fantasize about a massive lottery win. Envision what solving one of the world’s greatest problems might look like.
Because the fact is there is NO good reason why you can’t enjoy some time thinking big, having a fantasy, or imagining a better world. This is the way that change happens: it starts with a dream for something bigger, something brighter, something better than the status quo.
You don’t have to have all of the answers. You don’t have to have it all planned out step by step. You don’t even have to know how to put it all into action (that bit comes later). All you need to do to get it started is to give yourself the chance, the space, and the permission to daydream.
In my continuing exploration of the 4 Pillars of Transformational Positivity, we come to the 3rd Pillar- Natural Harmony.
Natural Harmony involves your relationship to the Natural World around you (earth, sky, animals, plants, elements etc.) and cultivating our connection to Nature.
Ask yourself: Where does your soul naturally feel most at home- at the beach, on a lake, hiking the mountains, walking in a forest, tending a flower or edible garden, or exploring the desert? What sorts of images from nature do you feel most drawn to? Do you love animals or feel any special connection to certain species? Does a starry sky on a clear night fill you with awe? Do you crave the feeling of your bare feet on soft grass, warm sand, or cool wet mud?
Transformational Positivity has taught me that I am not about being in The Hustle. I am not on this planet to constantly be grinding away at meaningless tasks of my own making (or anyone else’s). I’ve learned how to get everything done that I need to, with ease, and even a fair amount of joy, by tuning into the harmony of nature & managing my energy accordingly.
When we distance ourselves more and more from the Natural World, we lose a deep and ancient connection to our very roots and the natural systems that sustain life. Creating more harmony between your being and the natural world might look like temporarily “unplugging” and escaping from your desk, your laptop, and your cellphone periodically for planned and/or spontaneous “Nature Breaks” in your nearest green space and reconnecting with the very real life happening around you.
While taking a week-long remote tropical island retreat might be on your dreamiest bucket list (just me?), creating more Natural Harmony in your life can be as simple as sitting outside quietly for as little as 5, 10, 15 minutes a day… or longer if you can manage it… and being mindful of how many different living things you encounter in that time. There is a natural, palpable stress relief that occurs in your body when you let yourself focus on the shapes of the clouds, or the scents on the wind, or the many different shades of green (or blue, or orange, for example) you observe in the plants and/or animals around you.
Some possible ideas to explore:
Stargazing, observing lunar cycles, sunbathing, living by seasonal rhythms
Studying the energy of Elements and how you relate to them: Earth, Air, Water, Fire
The patterns, variety, and perfect cycles found within the Natural world have been an endless source of awe, inspiration and rejuvenation since the dawn of time. Stay tuned for my next installment of this series where I begin to dig into some of the above mentioned practices and how I incorporate them into my life.
In the first part of this article series, I wrote about the different types of community and invited you to identify what your current connections might look like. Then, I asked you to think about and make a list of the different communities you currently belong to. In order to begin to bridge the gaps in your community, you have to first look at your answers to the following questions:
How do I fit in to each space?
What are my roles in each space?
What are some of the ways that I contribute and serve in each space?
Are there any gifts, talents, ideas, strengths, or other resources that I can offer to better serve my community/ies?
Is there anything that I need that I am NOT getting from my community/ies?
Let’s take a closer look and break these down to see where you may be experiencing gaps:
1- How do I fit in?
After you’ve identified the different communities you are connected to, you will want to take a look at where you currently see yourself fitting in to each defined space. Are you newer to the group, or a veteran presence? Do you tend to be interactive and heavily involved, or more of an observer? Are you happy with how you fit in, or is there a more authentic and satisfying way that you would like to show up? Understanding where you are now is the first step in deciding if that’s where you want to remain.
2- What are my roles?
You’ve identified your communities, and you’ve recognized where you currently fit in. Narrowing down to define the different roles you play in each space is your next step. Where are you a Leader? Where are you a Colleague or Collaborator? Where are you a Supporter? Where are you a Student? Where are you a Contributor? Where are you an Enforcer? In any of these roles- how many of them feel right, good, comfortable, natural? Do any of them feel like they belong to someone else? Are there any of your current roles that you would like to let go of, or others that you would like to adopt? Understanding that you have some choice around the roles that you accept and reject can be liberating, and it can also require you to make some significant changes.
3- Ways that I AM serving and contributing
Make an honest and comprehensive list of all the ways that you currently serve and contribute to your different communities. [Note: Don’t censor yourself, and don’t discount or discredit anything as “too small” or insignificant.] What themes or patterns do you notice in the ways that you serve and contribute?
How do you feel when you review the different offerings that you’ve listed?
Are there ways that you are serving that don’t feel good to you, or that are draining you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or financially?
Is there anything that you would like to offer your community that you currently are not?
4- Ways that I WANT to serve and contribute
Get Clear: What is it that you REALLY want to do? What is it that you really WANT to be known for? Now make a list of your gifts, talents, ideas, strengths, skills or other resources that you can offer to better serve your community.
Is there anything else that you need to help you move forward with what you want to offer or how you want to serve, such as additional training, a mentor, community buy-in or other types of support?
This is where it gets fun. Now is the part where you can take the information you’ve gathered and create a bridge-building plan! Knowing that it doesn’t have to be perfect before you get started, how can you begin to use what you already have to do the things that you actually want to do?
5- Unmet Needs
By going through this process, you begin to see clearly where there may be any gaps between where you are vs. where you want to be, what you are doing vs. what you want to be doing. This next step is critical for recognizing and honoring what you need vs. what you are getting.
Ask Yourself, without judgement: Is there anything that I need, want, desire, enjoy, like, or am curious about that I am NOT getting from any of my current community/ies?
Are any of the things you’ve just listed available to you in any of your current spaces? If YES, then what will you need to do to access them? If NO, then what communities do you need to connect to?
If you have unmet needs in your current group/s, chances are that you are NOT alone and that there are others in your area, space, neighborhood etc. that would love to connect with you. What would it look like for you to create and launch a new community?
A 3-Step Energy Releasing Practice for Your Self-Care
We all experience ups and downs in our personal energy, and we all have moments when we are feeling anything but “high vibe” and positive. Congratulations on being a human! One of my very favorite things about Transformational Positivity is that you will never be shamed for being a human, having emotions, or expressing difficult feelings. You will never be told by me to just fake-it-til-you-make-it. I don’t do spiritual bypassing around here.
I will never teach you to ignore any of the challenging things that you are feeling, carrying, or stuck in. You don’t have to pretend that everything is perfect all of the time, or force yourself to smile and look at the bright side only. Instead, my offering for you today is a simple energy releasing practice to use whenever you are bogged down with hard, heavy feelings and need to make some damn sense of it all. Basically, it’s Transformational Positivity for Shitty Days.
This is a simple 3-step technique I use whenever I need to get unstuckfrom my wallow:
1• UNAPOLOGETIC FEELINGS DUMP. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Write or Say out loud whatever things you are feeling right now. Don’t censor yourself. It’s powerful & important to acknowledge the so-called negative thoughts, fears and hard feelings in order to learn from them, move through them, & release them. Even if you don’t magically find all the answers right away, the simple action of acknowledging your very real emotions can be enough to move the needle from completely immobilized to okay, there’s maybe possibly some hope here. Also, it’s a good reminder that you are not a robot and are allowed to have a shitty day.
2• I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Move your body as you are able to (dance, stretch, shake it out, clap your hands, walk, climb your stairs, roll your chair around, whatever) It’s okay to make some noise! Bang on a drum, clang some pans, ring some bells. Sing, shout, whistle, laugh, cry, hum, yodel, whatever. The motions created by your movement and the vibrations of the noise you make physically dispels stagnant energy.
3• BREATHE & BRUSH. Set a timer for 3- 5 minutes. Come back to your breath. Sit and take slow, deep, full breaths, noticing any areas of tension in your body (jaw, neck, shoulders, back, hips, etc). Send loving thoughts to the areas of your body that are carrying your hard feelings. Consciously relax tense areas. Massage or gently touch your temples, forehead, neck, shoulders, arms, hands, chest, belly, hips, legs, feet. Use your hands to “brush” your aura, which is the energetic space just outside of your physical body. You can do this with empty hands, or while holding your favorite crystals, a feather, leaf, or flower.
Have you tried this 3-step method? Drop a comment and let me know how it went for you.
For the month of March, I will be continuing my exploration of Whole-Self Love with a particular focus on the importance of Self Care. I will be sharing some of my own rituals, as well as those from some of my favorite folx around the world. Enjoy!
What does ‘Self Care’ mean to you? Does it conjure up images of a spoiled princess or celebrity whose every whim is being attended to by her groveling personal staff? Do you tend to write it off as something decadent, frivolous and/or unrealistic for you? I know that if you’re anything like me, chances are that you’ve spent a lot of your life resisting or flat out rejecting the idea of Self-Care as being something for you to indulge in while simultaneously labeling it as SELFISH, and therefore, BAD. This, my friend, is the first step: recognizing that Self-Care is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good and necessary thing that every adult deserves to experience for optimum health. Truly, it’s about providing the care that your body, mind, soul and spirit need to support you throughout your time here on the planet.
GOOD NEWS: Creating a personal self-care practice that feels lush, supportive, and satisfying is not as hard to do as you might think. It doesn’t have to break the bank, either! It’s helpful to remind ourselves that Self-Care does not necessitate Luxury. Self-Care is so much more than 24k Gold facials, Champagne bubble baths, or having a private masseuse on call 24/7 (although that would be the kind of luxurious amenities that I could learn to get used to). Luxury items and experiences are wonderful, and if you can have the privilege of access to them then please do so with total enjoyment; but if you aren’t a princess or a celebrity or a millionaire don’t fall for the mistaken thinking that it’s got to be all-or-nothing. Self-Care isn’t selfish, and it’s not just for the super-rich.
Tip of the Week: Build on the Basics
START WHERE YOU ARE: When you are trying to figure out what a regular Self-Care practice can look like for you, begin with finding your baseline then build from there. By simply taking some time to examine what you are currently doing, it’s easy to map out a cultivated routine that suits you.
We all have some basic maintenance requirements for these fabulous human bodies that we live in which include food, water, sleep, and shelter. These are non-negotiable for our survival. We must recognize that each of these 4 areas can be enhanced to build a practice of Self-Care. Additionally, you may have a body that is able to include movement as part of its daily experience, and you may also be in a position to enjoy access to clothing, bathing, community, education, and healthcare. All of these have the potential to be developed into something that enriches and supports you physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally for a holistic approach to Self-Care.
Loving and caring for our physical body starts with basic maintenance and expands to suit our individual preferences and abilities. Food and Water becomes an adventure in nourishment. Sleep and Shelter becomes a commitment to daily restoration. Movement becomes stretching, strengthening, challenging, and exploring what your body can do. Bathing andClothing evolve into personal grooming, tending, pleasuring, delighting, adorning, and expressing. Community, Education, and Healthcare turn into opportunities for including, accepting, embracing, expanding, soothing, and healing. Can you see the difference? Does this open your mind to new possibilities?
Food for Thought
Self-Care that makes sense will be tailored to YOU. It will take into account your individual needs and wants, it will fit into your current lifestyle and it will adapt accordingly as your life and your body change. Some questions to reflect on:
How do you currently care for the body that you live in?
Which of the 4 basic maintenance areas (food, water, sleep, and shelter) can you improve for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
Which of the 6 additional areas (movement, bathing, clothing, community, education, healthcare) can you build on for your Self-Care? If there is more than one, list them in the order of which you would like to work on first.
It takes courage to get to know yourself, so Bravo! I see you and I salute you as you take these positive steps towards Transformation. PLEASE do not be tempted to use your answers to these questions to heap shame on yourself. You are not a bad person, you are not “doing it wrong” or failing at life. Instead, use your answers as information to help you make new choices moving forward.
If you have questions about how to take some next steps in creating your own Self-Care routine and rituals, why don’t you go ahead and schedule a free consultation call with me? I would love to have a quick chat with you. Click on the “Schedule” button at the top of this page today to set up a no-obligation call or video conference with me.