Tag: healing

The Excavation

One of the lessons I am learning since my breast cancer diagnosis back in early March, and through my current chemotherapy treatments, is the value & necessity of deep introspection. It has been a time that has forced my overly active performance based perfectionist ass to SIT. DOWN. Rest. Face my Shit. Dive Deep, and then go deeper still, excavating layers and layers of hurt and suffering and fear, and offering those precious pains of the past on the altar of Love.

It’s in these spaces of intentional, ultra-focused awareness when I experience some of the treasures that I coveted & previously sought out in all the wrong ways; treasures like Peace, Calm, Contentment, Healing, Strength, Resilience, Love, and Joy.

Such are the treasures that I had tried to find through partying, hookups, addictions, religions, escapism, numbing, avoidance, deflection, discipline, overworking, and high-vibe-only mindset bullshit. All of these were just more ways to punish myself for my perceived failures.

I am doing much less coaching these days in favor of offering my tarot-based Spiritual Clarity Readings, which is work that feels so much more nourishing to me instead of draining. I have made enough space in my practice to allow for serving fewer clients, in order to say Yes to my own need for physical and emotional healing. I have built extra time between clients so that I am serving within my capacity, not beyond it. Even this simple step is the result of some deep digging, and was arrived at by picking apart some residual bits of guilt/shame.

I know that I have come a long way and I celebrate this. I’m grateful for the healing that has taken place, for the goodness that has come forward. I know that the Love, Joy, Calm, Peace, Strength, Resilience, and Contentment that I feel now is beautiful, and that there is still more of it all to welcome in. So I will sit down, and meditate, and learn new things, and unearth more of me to be Loved. This is Healing. This is Transformational/Positivity.

A ball of soft grey yarn slowly being made into a baby blanket for my niece.

Release, Reflect, and Restore.

For the past week, I took part in a small social experiment on Instagram and Facebook called #amplifymelanatedvoices and it has been powerfully eye-opening. The premise was to center, promote, and amplify the messages of Black activists and artists while simultaneously putting our own messages on pause and truly listening to what they have to say. Without the need to draw attention back to ourselves, our opinions, our perspectives, our excuses, our discomfort. Just… listen. And then, lift up.

Because the truth is that Black people in America have been telling us the same message, over and over, in every way imaginable for hundreds of years and by and large, it seems pretty evident that we haven’t really been listening.

As a long-time, dyed-in-the-wool social justice warrior, I thought that I had been listening, but I am seeing more and more clearly just how much I was only half-listening, and sometimes actively avoiding listening- deeply, reverently, listening– to the larger conversation around racial inequity and white supremacist culture. How often I was missing the message.

I’m in no way an expert in any of this. This is deeply personal work, and I know that I need the help, guidance, and leadership of the people who have been doing this a lot longer than me. Maybe you are someone who has been working at being an anti-racist for a while now, and maybe you are someone who is just starting to see, understand, and unpack what all of this means. Wherever you are personally in your own journey, know that there are people who are skilled and ready and willing to support your growth. I’ve included some links to resources below:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1BRlF2_zhNe86SGgHa6-VlBO-QgirITwCTugSfKie5Fs/mobilebasic

https://medium.com/equality-includes-you/what-white-people-can-do-for-racial-justice-f2d18b0e0234https://www.teenvogue.com/story/beyond-the-hashtag-how-to-take-anti-racist-action

The Adaway Group

4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions Without Hijacking the Conversation on Racial Justice

What to do next:

RELEASE– Let it allllll out! Spend some quality time with your therapist, your besties, your support squad, your spiritual teachers, and talk about what you’re feeling/experiencing. Name all the feelings and fears that come up to the surface. Release your messy inside stuff. Cry hard and ugly. Shout loudly. Do this with the people who you can trust to be supportive, who can hold space for you without judgement or shaming- NOT with hateful internet trolls (I’ve learned this one the hard way). Release expectations from yourself to do things perfectly, to get it “right” the first time, to have all the answers. Release the need to be right. Release the need for other people to do their work. What else can you release? What else do you need to let go of?

REFLECT– After you’ve had a minute to let your mess out, take the time to process it. Reflect on what it means to you/for you, or if there is any deeper meaning to be found. Note: there isn’t always a gold nugget hiding in a turd; sometimes a turd is just a turd. Reflect on what you want to have happen next, and what some of the steps are that you will need to take to move forward.

RESTORE- Take. Good. Care. Of. Yourself.  Restore your whole self with lots of rest, body care, nutrition, art, laughter, music, and so much Love. Restore the relationships that are most important and nourishing to you (this is not the time to feed the drain). Pray and meditate. Build up your community.

I am a teacher and a healer, and I am also here to listen and learn. I look forward to sharing more tips, wisdom, and love with you in the weeks to come. Stay tuned, and stay strong. I am in this with you!

Work with me! Schedule a free consultation call: Reach out today and get on my calendar. >>Click here to schedule a free consultation call with me<< and let’s do some Transformational Positivity work together. I offer insightful Spiritual Clarity Readings using the tarot, powerful and subtle Energy Healing, deeply reflective Soul-Mirroring Sessions for you, and Animal Energy Sessions for your pet.

New Moon, New Beginnings

Whew! Well Loves, this has been an interesting month, hey?

We’re entering the New Moon phase, which is all about rest, introspection, and new beginnings. It has me wondering:

•What does Rest look like for you right now?

What have you been learning about yourself in the past month?

What new beginnings are you preparing for?

I’ll start:
REST for me has been very much about allowing my body to recover from the first round of chemo. It’s looked like saying “No” or “Not Now” to everything that I can, instead of my usual recovering Type A habit of pushing myself through to the point of collapse. (Hello, that’s not healthy in any circumstance!)

INTROSPECTION has been teaching me some pretty cool things about myself. Qualities like resilience, courage, strength, joyfullness, creativity, and wisdom that I have tended to overlook or diminish for fear of “what people might think” because let’s be honest- being judged sucks, and… it’s going to happen anyway so you might as well be true to yourself.

NEW BEGINNINGS well hot damn, as corny and cheesy as it may sound every day really is a gift. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up alive in this body, and- I still sometimes have to remind myself this throughout the day. Today, for example, if things had gone to plan I would be in Australia for the start of an epic, around-the-world honeymoon with my gorgeous husband. Instead, I am writing from our dining room table for a change of scenery. It’s not quite the same! 😂 And, it’s still pretty fucking great.

Okay, your turn! Tell me what’s what in your world today. I miss you.

💖🙏🦋

Today instead of starting our around the world honeymoon in Sydney, Australia- I’m bald and writing from our dining room table in Southern California.
Saturday was my wedding day! The day that my hair began falling out by the handful from chemo. Barely enough to hold my veil in place!

The First Pillar: Whole-Self Love (Part 3- Loving the Body You Live In)

What would it look like for you to take your relationship with your body to the next level?

What if I told you that you could love the body that you live in, exactly as it is? YES- without losing/gaining weight, changing your hair, or altering your external image in any way. Imagine what it would feel like to stop being angry at it, disappointed in it, embarrassed by it, afraid of it, or ashamed of it.

I am not going to pretend that this is an easy, 2-step process or that I have a magic potion that will instantly take you from Loathe to Love. You won’t be hearing from me that you have go through some hard-ass Boot Camp to break yourself down first in order to build yourself back up. I am also not going to bullshit you with the claim that “all” you have to do is change your mindset (HELLO, changing your mindset is not like switching a light on or off!) We are much more complex than that and our stories require us to move forward with nuance and care. But I will tell you the truth that it absolutely IS possible and that you CAN learn to truly Love the body that you live in.

It’s also true that you will still experience some highs and some lows; you will still have moments when you slip back into old ways of thinking before you catch yourself and get your booty back on your positive path. I sure do, anyway, and I’ve been practicing Whole-Self Love for more than a decade! It is a life’s work that is well worth every ounce of energy that you put into it, every tear, every journal entry, every layer of pain/drama/lies/ peeled away.

Knowing that… Would you be willing to trade embarrassed for empowered?

Could you dare to swap disappointed in for devoted to?

Can you see the possibility for you and your body to have a positive relationship with each other?

Hallmarks of a Loving Relationship With Your Body

Any strong relationship will have some hallmarks that make it stand apart from more casual acquaintances. It’s no different for cultivating a loving connection with your body. Here are 5 key areas to consider:

  • Awareness & Clarity
  • Commitment
  • Communication
  • Support System
  • Fun!

Awareness & Clarity

Who do you think you are? Awareness & Clarity points to having an honest, true understanding of who you are, what your body is, and how the two of you are going to move through the rest of your life together. One of my favorite tools for this is what I call the Look Deeper Mirror Experiment. This means having the courage to really see yourself as a Divine, sovereign, intelligent being, and your body as both a unique entity and as the temporary housing and vehicle through which you are experiencing life as a Person. To do this, Strip down to your bare-naked self and face yourself in the mirror. Start with your eyes; look into them- really get in deep! You may be tempted to look away, but don’t. What do you feel? Nervous, scared, sad, surprised? Don’t pull away from the feelings, notice them, acknowledge them, follow them. They are clues to Who you are, Where you need healing, and What your body most wants from you. Next, notice everything that you like about your physical body. Send some love, appreciation and kind words from the top of your head to the soles of your feet. When/If you start going down that tired old path of self-criticism and the list of bits and parts you wish looked different, STOP. Remind yourself then and there that you are on a new path now, and that you are learning how to Love yourself. Your WHOLE self.

If you want to experience the positive transformation and deep healing that comes from a Whole-Self Love practice, I recommend having a loving conversation with yourself every day, and a kind word for yourself every time you see yourself in the mirror. At the very least, how about no more actively hating the person looking back at you? That’s a good place to start!

Commitment

Commitment is about making the choice to stay, stick with, and work at something. It’s having the quality of dedication, and it shows up in people who are trustworthy, loyal, honorable. Making a commitment to care for yourself and to love yourself, doesn’t mean that you are being narcissistic or selfish. Far from it. In fact, by committing to love yourself and the body that you live in helps to develop your autonomy and your ability to care for and love the people around you more authentically and with healthy boundaries.

Another favorite tool is writing a Love Letter to Your Body. If you’ve never tried this, you may be surprised by how powerful this can be! You can write it in any way that suits you, whether it’s a narrative or a list or a stream of consciousness or a sonnet. You don’t have be an eloquent writer and you don’t have to show it to anybody; it’s really just another way to reveal and encounter more of your truest self. For an example of one I wrote a while back, click here.

Developing a self-love practice takes some time. It takes some thoughtfulness and intention, and it takes a commitment. It takes some courage to break free from the negative scripts and internal dialogue, and to rebel against the culture of body shaming. But every bit of effort that you put into it is precious and creates a more positive relationship and connection to your true Self, which in turn leads to a more satisfying and happy life.

Communication

Having good communication is one of the most important components of any successful relationship, so now that you’ve taken steps towards Awareness, Clarity, and Commitment it stands to reason that having good Communication with your body is key to cultivating this positive relationship. Where are you at with this? How well do you pay attention to your body signals, and what do you do with them? For example:

  • FOOD– Do you eat when you’re hungry? Do you know which foods are most nourishing and supportive to your body, and which ones to avoid because they are causing you pain? Do you find food & eating in general to be tricky and triggering? This is a HUGE area of challenge for so many of us. Over the years I have worked with dieticians, nutritionists, health coaches, WW, etc and have had varying degrees of success. None of them have helped me to change my unhealthy relationship with food until I began Noom. For me, it was the exact kind of support that I had been missing. I have an affiliate link that will get you 20% off if when you sign up for their program: Click Here
  • SLEEP– Do you let yourself rest whenever you’re feeling tired? Do you give yourself enough sleep each day? When your head hits the pillow, does your brain fight with your exhausted body, or do you drift off into a blissful slumber? I have always been a vivid dreamer (good and bad) and since childhood have been able to remember them upon waking. For years, particularly after surviving some major traumatic events in my early 20’s I suffered from nightmares, night terrors, and insomnia. It wasn’t until I finally began to address the underlying stresses and traumas I was carrying (hello, therapy!) that I could return to giving my body good sleep on a regular basis. Now, whenever I have some unresolved issues that keep me up at night, I know how to handle them.
  • PAIN– How do you respond to pain in your body? Do you ignore it, numb it, push through it? Do you get mad at it, or get angry at your body? I recently shared through my Facebook group, Transformational Positivity, about a breakthrough regarding my response to injuring my back: “Whoooo am I working on this one for sure! I mysteriously injured my upper back yesterday morning and my first response was anything but loving. I was Mad! 😡 I was SO angry at it. 🤬 It actually shocked me how much rage I felt towards the pain in my body. So what did I do after the unhelpful yelling? • Slow, mindful, deep breaths • Concentrated on relaxing the seized muscle • Verrrrrrry gentle stretching • Let [my fiance] help me • Heating pad • Cold cloth • REST • Lots of water, juice • Advil • Recognize that being mad at my body was not a loving or helpful response to it being in need, but was instead abusive and a very old pattern that I am working to replace with kindness & support.”

These are just 3 of many areas where it’s valuable to be in good communication with your body. Essentially, what you want to do to cultivate better communication for a more loving relationship with the body you live in is to listen to your body and actively meet its needs. Understand that our bodies are designed to change throughout our entire life. Pay attention to when your body’s needs change, and adapt your care routine accordingly.

Support System

Having a strong Support System is vital to the health of your new, positive relationship with your body. After all, up until now you’ve likely been firmly ensconced within the destructive, oppressive body-shaming culture that is fueled by the diet industry, fashion industry, cosmetics industry, the social media & entertainment industries, pharmaceutical companies, Westernized religion and the patriarchal, puritanical system that rules it all. Having the audacity to radically love yourself is to effectively stick your middle fingers straight up at it all. That kind of courage requires that you have people in your corner who get it, who understand and can hold space for you to learn, process, and grow in your healthy, positive relationship to your Self and your body.

You need to have people in your life who support you as a person, people you can turn to when you need advice and guidance as well as when you want to celebrate. Ideally, you want to have people like this who you can connect with in person as well as through phone, text, email, or even public & private social media groups. I would love to be part of your support team, whether through my 1:1 Soul-Mirroring Sessions, Spiritual Clarity Readings, or as part of my free Facebook group. If you’re not already on my mailing list, join today and get a free gift as well as a Weekly Positivity Boost from me, straight to your inbox.

FUN!

The last area I want to look at is that special not-so-secret ingredient that makes successful relationships stand out above all the rest: FUN! It’s the same with your relationship with your body.

FUN can look like anything from adrenaline-pumping sports and high-energy physical activities to quiet meditative walks in Nature or relaxing on a sunny beach. It can be found through artistic expression, creativity, dance, making music, writing poetry or enjoying your favorite shows. FUN can be sexual intimacy with your partner or a private, solo exploration of what feels great and turns you on. FUN can be hanging out with a few good friends, playing with your kids or grandchildren, walking your dog or watching funny cat videos. This is obviously not an exhaustive list- the point is that FUN is something that every human desires and deserves to experience. Also, it’s good to note that what may sound like a great time for me might be either too wild or too tame for you, and that’s perfect. You do You, Boo.

You could go through your life being miserable and not having any fun whatsoever, but why do that when you have a world of opportunities to explore?

Like Before Love

If you’ve read all the way through and feel as though Self-Love is still a little too far away for you, but you are willing to try somethingstart with a Like List. A “Like List” is a list of all the things that you like about yourself. It should include as many positive attributes about yourself that you can possibly come up with in each of these 4 categories- physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The Like List is something that you can add to at any time, or make a new one anytime you want to.

If you find that you don’t know where to start, ask your best friends to help you. ONLY ask the people who you trust and who have proven themselves to be kind, not critical! You may be very pleasantly surprised at the good things that others can so easily see in you. With a little practice, you can begin to start seeing, appreciating, liking and even loving these qualities that all help to make you You.

The First Pillar: Whole-Self Love [Part 2- The Art of Releasing]

What are some of the first things you do when you come home to rest at the end of a long, stressful day? Do you kick off your shoes, drop off all the things in your hands like your keys, the mail, purse/handbag/briefcase, your phone, an old coffee cup, a bag or two of take-out food and/or groceries and make a beeline to the toilet? (Okay, I admit that I am most definitely taking my phone in with me to watch Instagram Stories while I’m *taking a seat* to pee.) Maybe you also hop into the shower or draw yourself a bath and just let the warm, soothing water do its magic. And WOW- how great does it feel to finally shed those work clothes and slip into something soft, cozy and comfy?

All of these actions are signals to your body that it’s time to take things down a notch. To relax. To quite literally release the excess that you’ve been carrying.

Releasing Creates Space for Positivity & Healing

On the path to Whole-Self Love, one of the most important skills we can develop is the art of releasing our negative attachments. Hurt People, hurt people. This can become some of the most powerful work that we do for ourselves, as it frees us from some of the deeply held pain of our experiences of being human. As we release and heal, we shed our old patterns of negativity and create more beautiful new ways of being in the world, which is what is often referred to as the “Higher Self” or the best versions of ourselves.

Releasing our baggage aka negative attachments is not an easy-peasy, one-and-done flip of the switch; it’s more complex and nuanced and layered. It’s an evolutionary process that requires us to actively face and address the things that we may have spent our whole lifetime trying to avoid, hide from, or cover up. AND… it is through this process of enlightenment where we heal ourselves, and in turn help to ease and end the suffering of others by not perpetuating harm. It may or may not involve forgiveness, it may or may not involve therapy, but it will definitely involve support.

So what are some of the things that we may want to work on releasing? What are some of the negative attachments that we may be needing to face? Whatever you choose to release, will create space for something else to fill it so it’s important that you take a mindful approach moving forward.

There are many different ways that negativity shows up in our day-to-day, and it’s not necessarily all bad. Sometimes finding yourself in a “bad mood” is just an indicator that your body needs more rest, or something nourishing to eat. Sometimes it’s connected to a family member or loved one who is experiencing struggles. Maybe there’s an important or difficult conversation that you need to have with someone, or perhaps a personal boundary has been crossed. Shitty things happen, and we are not immune to them- it’s when it goes unchecked that negativity can develop into something much more serious and require the help of trained professionals. This can look like:

  • Negative self-talk, scripts of our unworthiness, a shame spiral
  • Patterns of self-sabotaging behaviors, unhealthy personal relationships, cycles of abuse or neglect
  • Substance addictions
  • Behavioral addictions

The good news is that no matter where you may be on your Whole-Self Love journey, you can begin to make progress, you can begin healing, you can begin releasing whatever is not serving your higher self today. There are resources available to you, and if you’re not sure what they are or where to look, schedule a free call with me and let’s get you started in the right direction. If it’s something that I can help with, I will, and if it’s something that is beyond my scope (such as clinical diagnosis), I will refer you to one of my many expert colleagues or point you towards additional resources. Even one tiny step creates space in your life for more positivity, and every tiny step forward is evidence of your positive transformation that you can build on. Let your one tiny step towards Whole-Self Love be the act of learning the art of release.

Broken to Beautiful

I have this gorgeous little tea set that my son gifted me with years ago. One of the sweet little cups suffered a catastrophic break, and I couldn’t part with it. I glued the pieces back in place, and held onto it for years.

It traveled with me through 3 moves, and when I settled in here I knew I wanted to do something special with it. Adopting (and adapting) the tradition of Kintsugi, I wanted to elevate its cracks and imperfections, so that my once broken little cup could live on as a whole vessel, a visual reminder that it is still beautiful and strong and perfectly imperfect. Just like Me. Just like You.

💖🦋

Amazed and Grateful

OMG. She’s almost ready! We took another sneak peek yesterday of our house and so much more has been done. The sweet brick motor court is completed. Exterior is 95%. And inside, oh, my… I cannot wait to share what’s going on inside. It’s Beautiful.

——

I am so very grateful for the life I have, and the Joy that I am a co-creatrix of. In my 20’s, my life was such a story of pain and struggle and desperately seeking to escape my suffering. It was a broken heart and a battered body. It was fear and fight. It was a wish for someone to save me, and it was a wish for something better. Little could I imagine then that Love and the power to change EVERYTHING was not external, but waiting to be discovered inside of me. I promise, it’s also inside of you.

💖🦋 #theblessingsbutterfly #firstthoughts #buildingyourbestlife #inspiration #thereishope #loveyourselffree #selfloveheals #writer #author #speaker

Amazed and Grateful

OMG. She’s almost ready! We took another sneak peek yesterday of our house and so much more has been done. The sweet brick motor court is completed. Exterior is 95%. And inside, oh, my… I cannot wait to share what’s going on inside. It’s Beautiful.

——

I am so very grateful for the life I have, and the Joy that I am a co-creatrix of. In my 20’s, my life was such a story of pain and struggle and desperately seeking to escape my suffering. It was a broken heart and a battered body. It was fear and fight. It was a wish for someone to save me, and it was a wish for something better. Little could I imagine then that Love and the power to change EVERYTHING was not external, but waiting to be discovered inside of me. I promise, it’s also inside of you.

💖🦋 #theblessingsbutterfly #firstthoughts #buildingyourbestlife #inspiration #thereishope #loveyourselffree #selfloveheals #writer #author #speaker

Lay Your Foundation

And this, Loves, is my new favorite spot in all the world.

This is what all of my hard work, sweat, tears, broken moments, lean years, struggle, surrender, heartaches, healing, rebuilding, inner work, learning to trust again, learning to Love again, joy, desire, positivity, ambition, goal setting, ideas, blessings, and magic is manifesting.

Join me for the journey over the next 6 months as my new home is built from this lot of dirt up. There are SO MANY life lessons to share!

Progress: Foundation has been poured, concrete is set. Framing is on schedule to begin this week. Impossibly blue sky, courtesy of Mother Nature.

We have been visiting our new home site every couple of weeks, just to revel in the excitement of it all. We take measurements in the model and geek out together over paint chips, flooring options, and dreamy furnishings. We visualize where artwork will be placed and wonder if we can DIY the wainscoting. It’s wonderful and ridiculous and so, so magical.

The Magic: More often than not, one of us will be caught staring at the other with love-filled eyes, like real life heart eyed emojis, and without fail one will say to the other, “Thank you for loving me so much.” 😍 👉 This is my Dream life, being lived out in real time. I am doing the work that I love, I am stretching myself and expanding a little more with each new opportunity, I am loving with my whole heart and receiving the same. I am deeply, genuinely Happy. I am bouncing back from my dark moments instead of spiraling down into an endless pit. I am shining my brightest light in order to really see, accept, and yes even learn to Love my darkness. This is what it feels like to be whole. 💖🦋

Here’s the life lesson: I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t taken my first steps of reaching out for help. I wouldn’t be anywhere if I hadn’t asked for, and tried for a do-over. After going through hard times and lived trauma, you can rebuild your life. You can learn to embrace your shadow even as you shine your Light. You can create a strong, new foundation for yourself that allows you to love yourself radically, shift your perception of who and what you really are, and live your life beautifully. It takes work, and a support team, and guts to let go of those who don’t care about hurting you- but you are worth it and it is more than possible. You are already a survivor, you can also be a thriver! 💖🦋

If you think you may be ready to begin laying a new foundation for your life, don’t wait- start today. Use the free resources that are available to you. Take the first steps, even if they are teeny tiny ones. Reach out for coaching, I am available and would be honored to help you. Grab a free consultation call with me, let’s see how we can work together. There’s always a way.

#theblessingsbutterfly #inspiration #empowermentcoach #speaker #liveyourbestlife #motivation

I’ve Been Thinking

Dear Universe: I’ve been #Thinking about more ways to share my Love with you. With your people. With your creatures.

Through individual efforts and as part of the collective, sharing from my creative gifts that you’ve blessed me with and amplifying the good work of others who are moving in the same direction, with good intention, to foster healing for myself and for us all. 💖

I am not entirely sure what it will look like, but I know it is something powerful and needed. A community of healers, healing their own pain and sharing their gifts with a waiting world. Collaboration not competition. Wisdom and wonder, magic and science, spiritual, physical, meta- fueled by the deepest Love.

We are gathering, every day taking a small step closer to finding each other. There is strength in our numbers. We are waking up a little more each day, to our calling, to our true nature. I can feel the energy of the hurting and the healers, drawing ever nearer, seeking peace within and easing the suffering that plays out among us all.

……..

Do you feel it too? Where do you see yourself in this new awakening? 💖🦋

📸: Rodin’s “The Thinker” shot from my iPhone stopped in traffic in Philadelphia PA #theblessingsbutterfly #thinkingofyou #healing #inspiration #love #rodin #thethinker