MAGIC MIRROR: What is one positive thing about yourself that you know to be absolutely True?
One thing I’ve learned is that when we are struggling (also known as growing) we tend to tell ourselves all kinds of stories about ourselves that actually have little to do with the Truth (“I’m not ____ enough” “Nobody really cares about me” “I never win” “Nothing good ever happens for me” etc)…
That negative reinforcement doesn’t move us forward though. It just makes it easier for us to quit progressing and stay stuck in old, unhelpful patterns.
We have the power to shift our thinking and alter our course, ever so slightly, to affect healing in every area of life. I’ve found that positive affirmations are a powerful and simple tool to help reset and refocus me (and my clients!) whenever I get stuck in some old shitty victim-y thinking.
Go ahead and spend a little time today with your own “magic mirror” and speak some Truth, some Love, and some Healing to yourself. You can use my book of positive affirmations to help you get started, free when you join my email list.
The theme I see recurring in my life over the past week or so is one of being in direct conflict with others. Not everyone, but certainly a very vocal few. These button-pushing battles have brought up some unpleasant emotions in me, including annoyance, frustration, and disgust. Anger and Indignation came along for the ride. A profound sense of sadness has shown up, but also a crystal clear resolve to press on has made her steel-hard, calming presence known. Oh, and then there’s the goddesses (more on them later).
I haven’t felt this way in a long while, but it’s apparently necessary for my personal growth and healing, and necessary for my chosen role as a leader, teacher, guide, coach, public figure and truth-teller. The more that I choose to explore and embrace and express my full self, the more likely I am to encounter folks who don’t like me, don’t get me, don’t approve of me and feel emboldened to let me know. I admit that this is uncomfortable for me as someone who loves to be liked.
The thing is, when you decide to become more visible, more vocal, more vulnerable- you will get tested and you will be challenged. You will be misunderstood, and you will be called out. You may feel totally triggered or unfairly attacked, and these may be gift wrapped and personally delivered to you at a family gathering, by friends/acquaintances/fans on your social media, or from complete strangers. And it will be really weird.
Love & Light aren’t always enough.
I’ve spent so much time cultivating relationships with amazing, super high-vibe people who celebrate each other’s strengths & unique divinity that I forgot what it is like to engage with people who would rather stay small, who are stuck in their pettiness, who thrive on negativity, who are living only in their shadow-self, or who aren’t really interested in creating harmony because discord is their status quo.
Total bummer for my sweet sunny peace-loving hippie Love & Light positivity vibe.
One of the things that I teach with regards to Positivity is that you can still be a positive person without being a Pollyanna; that is, you can still find good things to focus on during difficult times BUT you don’t have to pretend that hard times aren’t hard, that bad things don’t happen, or that you aren’t allowed to show more than just happy feelings. I’d like to add to this that sometimes “Love & Light” are not always enough. Sometimes, the appropriate response to a truly shitty situation IS anger, indignation, annoyance, frustration, disgust, and/or a profound sense of sadness.
Sometimes your circumstances call for you to dig a little deeper until you hit your rocky core, unlock the vault of your shadow-self and show the world a glimpse of your dark side. Not to hurt or harm anyone, but simply to acknowledge that she is there, like a guard dog with bared fangs holding fast to your boundaries. She’s your warrior-goddess self, and she’s a total bad-ass. Need a firm boundary set with someone who chronically oversteps and makes you feel like a victim? Embrace your warrior-goddess self. She takes NO SHIT. She is crystal clear on her role, and when you call up her energy in your life you can bet that whatever you need to handle is as good as done.
What I am learning from times of conflict is that authenticity matters. Speaking my truth and using my voice matters. Empowering others to be their true self by modeling it in my own life, matters. After going through so many years of either hiding or denying or obstructing the parts of my true self that didn’t appeal to the masses, or didn’t appeal to my family, or didn’t appeal to my romantic partners, I am now becoming much more comfortable with just being me- even when it invariably rubs some people the wrong way.
There is an incredible truth and freedom to be found in the statement, Your opinion of me is none of my business. I used to be so hung up on trying to gain approval from a wide group of people, that I lost sight of needing to be true to myself first and foremost. I worried that if someone had a low opinion of me that it meant I was somehow wrong or broken or unlovable, but that is just not true. I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea, nor do I want to be. If you love me and what I have to offer, that great! If you don’t, that’s okay too and I hope you find what you’re looking for. None of it matters if I don’t love myself enough to show up as me.
In learning to be your true, authentic self- Light & Shadow, Strength & Weakness, Wisdom & Folly- is the essence of a life of integrity. Some people will only be able or willing to see the parts of you that appeal to them, and will reject the rest. Some people won’t even be able to see anything appealing in you. It’s okay. Their rejection, though painful, doesn’t reflect on you; it simply reveals who they are and where they are on their journey. Don’t let that stop you from discovering and embracing and expressing your whole, weird, wonderful self. That’s how your people will find you.
And Now, The Goddesses
Here’s a weird thing about me: I’m fascinated with goddess energy- not so much from a religious or worship-centered place, but more so from the timeless characteristics these archetypal beings represent and how they can fuel us in everyday life.
I can remember as a young girl being so drawn to studying Greek and Roman mythology, and later Egyptian mythology, while also being as enamored with witchcraft and sorcery as I was with the stories of Jesus Christ and ancient Hebrew prophets performing miracles of healing and such. To me, there are valuable life lessons to be found in all of these and personally I think it’s weird to accept some of them as absolute, let’s-start-a-war, capital-T Truth, but to dismiss the rest as utter nonsense or worse, as “dangerous” beliefs.
Here’s a brief alphabetical look at my bad-ass, warrior-goddess crew. These are my ride-or-die, steel-core, bad-ass babes whose energy I tap into whenever I need to find my backbone and do some really hard work:
Anut (Egyptian) – a warrior goddess, defender of the sun god & protector of the king in battle.
Athena (Greek) – strategic genius who preferred using wisdom to settle disputes.
Bast (Egyptian) – war goddess of lower Egypt who protected the Pharaoh in battle.
Macha (Irish) – a wild goddess who battles against injustices to women & children
Minerva (Roman) – basically the Roman version of Athena
Nike (Greek) – goddess of victory, whether in battle or in peaceful competition
Pele (Hawaiian) – pissed off volcano goddess who will burn shit to the ground when necessary
With these recent weeks being filled with a series of annoying personal conflicts, I’ve found myself going back to craving some time with my favorite goddesses. I have felt their nudges in my soul reminding me that it’s okay to speak up, to speak out, or to stand my ground. Not over petty shit, but over things that rattle my core. Their fierce & fiery energies remind me that my boundaries are in place for a good reason, and that I have every right to defend them. That I am WHO I AM, and who I am evolving to be, and who I am learning to love deeply, without apology for my existence.
Love First, Love Last
I will always first try to resolve conflicts with Love and Reason and Wisdom and Understanding. I will make every effort to respond honestly and lovingly when I am called out, whether it is to defend or correct or educate. I will always try to see all sides of an argument before making a decision. I may choose to disengage from the battle with you, if it is a fool’s errand to continue. I may sever the relationship and create a lava-strewn wall between us, if it becomes necessary, but even then- I will send you Love from the other side and hope that it finds you well.
Today I had a moment of clarity that froze me in my tracks. My cousin Nicole and I were in the midst of recording an episode for our podcast, and something we were talking about triggered a powerful message.
I went blank as the divine download was coming in, and couldn’t speak in the moment. I held on, breathed through it, and waited until I could continue our conversation.
It was deep, y’all!
I knew I would need some time to process what was happening inside me, and gave myself the immediate space I needed. I checked in, and found resonance. It took a hot minute, but I faced the thing inside my belly that was ugly & shameful: an old story of unworthiness & a need to be rescued- and met it with love & grace.
I have found that on this road of healing, the most beautiful moment is when we finally discover the Truth: We came into this world as already worthy, not as something flawed and broken.
We are just making our way back to that space of perfect knowing, that place of reverence, awe & acceptance, while discovering the magic along the way. We step in shit, we get messy, we peel away layers of the old stories and lies until we get back to the truth, the light, the love. THAT is the journey.
Whenever I can pause and see how far I have come, I am grateful. There is still a long way to go, and I love each new day I’m given to keep exploring this life.
PS- I’m not entirely sure how this will manifest- maybe as a video series, book, workshop or course- but it looks like I have some more work to do around forgiveness and making amends. Hit reply or join my email newsletter list and let me know if this is something that you would be interested in learning more about.
Too often, we go through life being shushed, silenced, squelched or shut out of the conversation, unseen and unheard. This is not OK. Today I want you to know that your voice matters. What you have to say and contribute, matters. Your questions matter. Your opinions and perspectives, they matter.
By bravely using your voice and speaking out, speaking up, and speaking for, you have the ability to bring balance and clarity and truth to the surface. You wield the power that shapes destiny, writes history, and heals the world simply by using your voice, so don’t waste another minute thinking that you are too small or insignificant to affect change. Practice speaking your Truth, even in the face of resistance.
The weight of that responsibility can be heavy, so use this powerful mantra to build up your strength: “I am not afraid to use my voice.”
“It’s discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.” ― Noël Coward
When did being honest and truthful become such a rare bird? While I don’t consider myself to be one of those “brutally honest” people (mainly because I am not comfy with the “brutal” part) I do value honesty in myself and in the people I allow into my life. I do not want to be lied to, and I do not like to lie to anyone either. If you ask me to tell you the truth about something, I will. I will say it in the nicest way possible, but I won’t lie to you. I only expect the same in return.
“I meant what I said and I said what I meant.” ― Dr. Seuss
Now, if you were to ask my boyfriend, he would tell you that I’m a giant fibber. NOT TRUE! I’m a terrible liar. I can’t get away with it to save my skin… and he knows it. So, when he asks me “What’s wrong?” and I say nothing- I mean, I literally say no words, I just squeeze my lips shut and shake my head- he knows that there’s more to it. Fortunately we’ve been together long enough that he knows when I respond that way, it means that I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. But I will, and even if it is something painful, unpleasant, or just super awkward to talk about- I will tell him and it will be the truth.
I’m working on being able to say, “I’m not quite ready to talk about it just yet,” or something along those lines. Because really, it’s just that simple, isn’t it?
“Truth builds trust.” ― Marilyn Suttle
The best foundation for any lasting relationship is trust, and you cannot build trust if you do not have truthfulness. Every person has some dark spots in their past, shady and embarrassing things along the way that they would rather erase or lock away. But when it comes time to begin any new relationship, you have to be able to come clean and share openly. This is true for friends as well as lovers, as honesty is vital to the survival of both.
“Honesty is a very expensive gift, Don’t expect it from cheap people.” ― Warren Buffett
Living your truth can feel absolutely terrifying at first. Not everyone will like you, or agree with you, or understand you. And that is hard, but it is also so very freeing. The more honest you are with yourself, the more aligned your external life becomes with your internal life, you create a transparency about you that is beautiful and attracts others to you who also value honesty. It may take a longer time to unravel and reveal yourself, and that’s okay. You have to do it in your time and at a pace that is comfortable for you. But you must do it. You must be honest, first with yourself, and then with those you are letting into your life. Because they are also letting you into their lives, and they deserve the real you. Authentic, honest, genuine you.
Mantra: I am Honest. I have nothing to hide!
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