Whew! Well Loves, this has been an interesting month, hey?
We’re entering the New Moon phase, which is all about rest, introspection, and new beginnings. It has me wondering:
•What does Rest look like for you right now?
•What have you been learning about yourself in the past month?
•What new beginnings are you preparing for?
I’ll start: REST for me has been very much about allowing my body to recover from the first round of chemo. It’s looked like saying “No” or “Not Now” to everything that I can, instead of my usual recovering Type A habit of pushing myself through to the point of collapse. (Hello, that’s not healthy in any circumstance!)
INTROSPECTION has been teaching me some pretty cool things about myself. Qualities like resilience, courage, strength, joyfullness, creativity, and wisdom that I have tended to overlook or diminish for fear of “what people might think” because let’s be honest- being judged sucks, and… it’s going to happen anyway so you might as well be true to yourself.
NEW BEGINNINGS well hot damn, as corny and cheesy as it may sound every day really is a gift. I am grateful for each new day that I wake up alive in this body, and- I still sometimes have to remind myself this throughout the day. Today, for example, if things had gone to plan I would be in Australia for the start of an epic, around-the-world honeymoon with my gorgeous husband. Instead, I am writing from our dining room table for a change of scenery. It’s not quite the same! 😂 And, it’s still pretty fucking great.
Okay, your turn! Tell me what’s what in your world today. I miss you.
We all have those days. You know the kind I’m talking about, right? The ones that you have carefully and thoughtfully planned out with a neat list of manageable tasks to check off, a few scheduled appointments, and some wonderful self-care all lined up. Ahhhh, heavenly! Except… It all goes sideways. Someone gets sick. Meals get skipped. Self-care gets sabotaged. Deadlines get missed. You find yourself going from blissed-out to pissed-off, and from boss on top of your game to curled up in fetal position under a blanket.
My last sideways day looked a little something like this: The first appointment of the day was delayed by three hours, which then set off a falling-dominoes chain of events: rescheduling, scrambling, cancelling, more rescheduling, and a whole lot of stress. Feelings of frustration and irritation slowly start boiling over, and lord help the next person to say something stupid/rude/insensitive to me (I’m looking at you, 3 hour late mansplaining contractor!) GAHHH! So what can you do to keep yourself from completely losing your shit when your day goes sideways? Here’s my Top 3 Tips:
Get Over Yourself
Just Breathe. Okay, right now is when you want to give yourself a quick time out and just take a few deep breaths. We call these “cleansing breaths” for good reason, because slowing yourself down to pause and breathe is the quickest way to immediately diffuse a tense situation. Changing the energy inside you will change the energy around you, clear your mind, and allow you to make a calm next step. A few deep, relaxing breaths can shift you from a path that leads to blind rage, and instead put you back in control of the situation at hand.
Get Over Yourself. Yes, the situation is annoying and you wish it was different, but it’s not. It is what it is, so instead of jumping into victim mode, remove yourself from the equation for a few minutes to regain perspective. Remember that sometimes, shit just happens and nobody is immune to it. See this series of events as an opportunity to let go of things you can’t control, and learn new healthy ways to cope with disappointment, frustration, or anxiety.
Face Forward. No matter how derailed your day may have been, it is all going to be OK. You can remind yourself that you’ve been through tough days before, and just like you made it through the last time you are going to make it through this one too. You may need to course-correct. You may need to learn a few new things. You may have a cool battle scar at the end of this one, but dammit, you surely aren’t done yet missy! Your life is not linear, it’s a winding journey and this is just another part of the scenery. Keep moving forward.
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Sometimes you come across a person who exudes such compassion, kindness, peacefulness and genuine love for others that it makes you pause and wonder: How did they get to this place?
Such is the case with my friend Rachel. She and I connected online through an exercise challenge; she lives in Wales, I am in the US. The energy and support within this online group was AMAZING. Truly supportive and really beautiful! The challenge ended, but several (hundred) of us, mostly women, wanted to remain connected so Rachel soon formed a spin-off group that kept the conversations and support going.
I quickly learned that this remarkable woman was spiritually gifted, intuitive, and an expert at meditation. YES! That vibe is my jam!
I wanted to learn more, and asked her if she’d be willing to share her story. I had no idea that the pain and trauma of her past was so similar to that of myself and of so many other women. I am incredibly humbled that she chose to share her very personal journey me, and allow me to share it with you. If together we can help one more woman find her voice, find her courage, and find comfort- it’s a win.
The Blessings Butterfly interviews: Rachel John
TBB: What’s the name of Your Business/Company/Product/Project?
RJ: The business is Soul BEing, an umbrella for all tools you need to become whole and reactivate your true being. Mindful Coaching, Meditation, Mindfulness, Chakra Balancing / Energy Healing, Akashic Records Readings, Spiritual Development
TBB: What is your role there?
RJ: I am all roles, creator, strategist, manager, accountant
TBB: What were you doing before this?
RJ: I was a General Manager in a large chain international restaurant running a £1,000,000+ store, Coaching, Training, Marketing, Selling, Mentoring, the list goes on. Before that I had always worked in Sales of the Service industry most notably my time with Virgin Atlantic Airlines as crew.
TBB: In what ways is your Business making a difference, or how do you hope that it will?
RJ: I know, that right now, my Coaching and blend of skills is helping women reclaim their power, voice and independence. It is allowing them to make conscious decisions which positively affect their lives without fear. As Brene Browne would say, “They’re daring greatly” , moving forward in life with courage and love and a new found zest that was absent previously.
I also have a collaboration coming up, which begins November 14th, that I’m very excited about. I’m working with a charitable organisation called Recovery Mummy that helps women suffering from post partum depression and psychosis cope with life after having their babies.
I’ll be running an ongoing Mindfulness Course for parents and children which I know will ease the stress and anxiety the families may be experiencing.
TBB: What do you love the most about what you do?
RJ: I love seeing a clients face light up and their joyous reaction when they realize a truth about themselves or they create their own solutions. It’s such a pleasure for me to help people re-discover their own inner power and wisdom and when they suddenly wake up and appreciate their own power and recognize that it was always there to begin with, it’s a wonderful thing to behold.
TBB: So what inspired you to start this unique practice? How did you get to this place?
RJ: When I was younger, I was raped.At the time I told one person who happened to bump into me while I was sobbing in the local train station. I didn’t tell my mother as it was her birthday a few days after and I didn’t want to upset her. I kept it in, squashed it and boxed it up, threw away the key. I became an expert avoider. I was crying inside.
A few years later I lost my home, my flat mate had a nervous breakdown, the fledgling company I worked for screwed me over financially, I took them to a tribunal court, I won the case, they didn’t turn up and disappeared, I lost my job and my money. I was destitute.
I started again. I always tried to remain positive so when I found a job in my hometown of Cardiff, I returned to live with my Mum. I thought this is my time to reset, save some money and get back to where I was and eventually go back to my adopted town, Brighton.
However, the Universe had other plans for me. I had a beautiful daughter and went from full time to part time, I found a great house and while still getting myself together financially so I could only rent I was overjoyed with our little haven. I planned on going to University to retrain as a Psychologist, then my new company offered me my own restaurant. I was unsure, my gut was saying no, go to uni but I took the position lured by the money carrot and the promise of security and extra responsibility. Two weeks before I was due to start in my own restaurant I snapped my Achilles’ tendon but I carried on regardless, a second blatant refusal to pay attention to my intuition. It was a stressful place and a difficult transition but I Managed to turn the ailing store around.
After only a short couple of years my gut was yelling at me to study again, retrain, go find your niche so I took a long overdue sabbatical to plan my route. While I was off work a male manager took over my store, I had no reason to think that was a problem. One day my area manager contacted me and asked, ‘even though I was off work would I like to go to the annual managers party’, which was a festival style few days in the grounds of the owner of the company’s house. Again I ignored my gut to say no, and agreed after I was persuaded ‘what a great time I’d be missing and all your friends will be there, we’ll miss you’.
On the first night of the festival I was sexually assaulted by the manager who was supposedly looking after my store. Everybody had been given a one man tent, sleeping bag, blanket, water, and a sign to post outside your tent. I was so exhausted that night I said goodbye to my close friends and left the festival field early to go back to my tent and sleep. I hitched a ride on a tractor with two other women and a guy, walked across our field, took my wellies off, crawled into my tent, zipped up and fell asleep fully clothed.
I woke up I don’t know how much later to find a hand down the back of my jeans, inside my pants, this man, this ‘colleague’ in my space. I screamed at him to get out, I was in shock, totally freaked out. The next morning I told one person again, not sure what I was staying. She said he was disgusting, and that was that.
I later found out from another colleague that he had lied about the store handover I’d given him, he had failed my store audit, and completely denigrated my character behind my back. Nobody wanted to tell me as they were worried about how I’d react and how it would affect the party. So I was violated in every way.
Again I kept quiet. I moved to a different store, returned to part time hours and to Assistant Manager and started studying Hypnotherapy. I loved the course and boxed up all my past hurt.
Unfortunately for me, my General Manager went on maternity leave and the coward that assaulted me was put in her place. At first I coped but bit by bit, he undermined my position by slowly delegating my work until I had nothing of relevance left. He used my part time status as an excuse then tried to have me removed by the area manager by telling him I was unhappy.
After standing in the tiny managers’ office watching these two grown men argue about who had initiated the move, I’d had enough. I moved restaurant once again to only end up working with his partner. By this time it was too late for me to regain composure. I suffered a panic attack and things went from bad to worse. I became depressed, the following grievance procedure I processed against him in work dragged on and on. The next two years were like a blur as I suffered depression, panic attacks, agoraphobia and cried incessantly.
It’s from here that I carried on studying Coaching, Meditation, Mindfulness, Mindset, my Spiritual development and pulled myself back from the dark edges of life. I re-found my inner strength and wisdom! This is why I started my business and this is why I wanted to help women that have suffered without support, not realizing that everything they need is already there inside of them.
TBB: WOW, Rachel! You have indeed been through the fire. I am so sorry for the years of pain, struggle andsilence that you suffered. It is easy to see how much of a transformation you have made in your life by finding your voice (and what a powerful example for your daughter too!)
RJ: Studying Hypnotherapy, practicing and gaining my teaching qualification in Mindfulness and Meditation, counseling, coaching, my Spirituality and my resolve have got me where I am today, two years on. Strong and independent. That’s why I want you to be powerful too.
TBB: Can you tell me about any of your current projects?
RJ: I’m currently working on combining all of my ‘woo woo’ skills with my Mindful Coaching to create a phenomenally powerful and more holistic way to coach. I’ve always tended to look at the whole picture and introduced a little alternative into my coaching but now I’m being guided to totally immerse myself in this work and my clients are loving it.
I’m reading the Akashic Records, (which is a way to connect with your whole timeline or soul line as I like to call it), plus reading a clients Chakras and using these channels as tools to blend together for the fullest picture of the issues the client needs to work through.
They’re having real breakthrough transformations, smashing through old, outdated habits and patterns of thinking and living.
I am currently running a discounted offer for my Akashic Readings to just my group, but would like to extend this to your readers.
It’s an initial taster session at $43, the session incorporates Chakra healing/balancing with the Akashics for a 360 reading into the most important areas of your life. Value for October only, follow on packages are available.
TBB: Is there anything else you’d like to share, or advice that you can offer to anyone feeling “stuck”?
RJ: If you’re feeling stuck look for support. Don’t suffer in silence, reach out for help, for in vulnerability there is strength. When you take action the universe conspires to assist you wherever it can. You are never alone. Someone somewhere will be in exactly the same position as you. Ask yourself how would you help your friend if they were in the same position as you, then go do it for yourself. Failing that call me 😉
TBB: Fantastic! Thank You! How can people get in touch with you to get help with meditation, counseling, energy healing, etc.?
TBB: Thank you. You are a strong, beautiful human and I’m honored to share this. Blessings upon blessings, dear one.
RJ: thank you xx
BIO ~ Rachel is a qualified Meditation and Mindfulness Teacher, an Holistic Transformation Coach and a skilled Akashic Records Guide who uses Chakra Balancing, Energy Healing and Mediumship to help her clients rediscover their authentic selves.
She is passionate about helping people bring happiness and balance back into their lives, regain their lost independence, rekindle their creative spark and reignite their zest for life.
Rachel believes that with her compelling combination of practical guidance and spiritual support she guides her clients through an holistic journey of self discovery that ultimately balances the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual selves culminating in mindful harmony.
By making the decision to choose LOVE over fear and being brave enough to take inspired action her clients are taking their first steps to a more fulfilled life of understanding.
She is a Life Coach, a Soul Intention Seeker, a Spiritual Catalyst and Pioneer for Empowerment.
~ BECOME WHO YOU WERE BORN TO BE ~ MAKE THE JOURNEY JOYFUL
Today I did something way out of my comfort zone that I’ve envisioned doing for a while, but had been too scared to attempt.
It was one of those things that I really wanted to do, but kept talking myself out of by mentally postponing it. “I’ll do that when I have more time/lose some weight/am stronger/blah blah blah.” You ever play that game with yourself? The one where fear wins and desire loses? Yeah. That game sucks!
Anyway- in my role as an empowerment expert, I am all about encouraging people to keep reaching for their big dreams by taking small steps forward. Being a little risky. Taking a leap. Trusting yourself. So how could I possibly keep holding myself back from just trying this one thing?
Deep breath. Heart pounding. I had to go for it! I enlisted the help and skills of a trusted friend, we set a date, and I just freaking went for it.
And OMG it was totally awesome!
I’m exhilarated from the whole experience, and so glad that I stepped into the fire today. Because the truth is, if we don’t go through the fire, we can’t burn off the old beliefs that hold us down.
So… What was my thing? More importantly- what is your thing?
It’s hard to imagine a time when technology only allowed for broadcasting images in black & white. Like Dorothy waking up in the Land of Oz, a wonderful and magical place where anything is possible, so too can we explore what it means to follow our heart’s desire and discover some amazing things along the way: Courage, Wisdom, and Love.
How strange then is it when we choose to hide our true colors and live a muted, toned down, restricted life? How much more empowered would we be to face our fears and follow our hearts anyway?
Today, I want you to try this mantra as you take off the filters and live a more authentic life: “I will live today in full color.”
Grammar aside, this simple phrase has taken me through more rough places throughout my life than I care to count.
It has been both humbling and empowering; it has seen tears upon tears, and it has felt true grit. Most of all, it has been my permission slip to myself to do whatever I needed to do in each situation whenever I’ve called on it.
It has given me permission to be my own superhero and to push through horrible anxiety, depression and quite literally, fear for my life.
It helped me to finally take my baby boy all those years ago, and flee for our safety. It gave me the courage to leave him in the care of my parents, missing him every single day for nearly six years, while I went underground to hide from my abuser. I had no damn idea what I was doing, but I knew that my family was not safe if I was around them. And so I did what I had to do.
Going Underground- Life on the Run
I struggled mightily in those days, a young woman in her early 20’s with no degree, no money, and a crazy ex-boyfriend who wanted her either back under his control or dead. I worried that my baby would never be safe with me. I worried that he would hate me for leaving him. My fear was palpable, and I felt failed by the court who had issued a restraining order but was unable to enforce it.
Working a day job wasn’t an option anymore. Being a carefree mom wasn’t an option anymore. My new reality became wearing wigs, changing my name, constantly looking over my shoulder and taking shit jobs in nightclubs and dive bars. I danced for tips, took my clothes off and I used my young, beautiful body to make money to put food in my belly and pay for a roof over my head. Eventually, I also used it to get me the drugs and alcohol I needed to numb myself and push the shame aside.
I had created a new identity for myself, moving frequently and living under an assumed name. It was SO bizarre and looking back, I am still amazed at what I did, the life (lives?) I lived. I knew it would all be over someday, and I dreamed of being able to one day reunite with my family and friends. That tiny sliver of hope kept me going, and I locked it away in a small, quiet corner of my heart.
And though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, there are incredible lessons that I learned and some very special souls I met along the way. So many people living on the run, in fear, in deep pain. So much guilt. So much sorrow. So many stories and voices just longing to be heard, recognized, valued. So many people just wanting to be loved and safe.
It was several years of living hard until I finally was able to harness my strength, my courage, and decide that I wanted a better life again. I had left one horrible life before; surely, I could do it again.
WARNING: This post contains SO MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!
This week I’ve been focusing on loving my adventurous spirit and letting her out to play a bit more. I chose this focus because at the end of this week… I am leaving for a special adventure with my Love, and fulfilling my life-long dream of going on a CARIBBEAN CRUISE!
I will see snippets of some of the most beautiful places on earth!
I will enjoy incredible food!
I will dress up all fancy-schmancy (at least twice!)
I will experience amazing natural highs while interacting with stingrays, zip-lining at crazy-fast speeds, and more!
I will experience different cultures, albeit somewhat sanitized and tourist-friendly versions! The majority of my world travel up to this point has been humanitarian based, and I’ve loved it, but I am also (finally!) OK with allowing myself to enjoy something different without feeling guilty. Which leads me to…
I will allow myself to enjoy luxury! This is huge because it’s not something I’ve ever felt comfortable with.
It’s all extra-exciting for me because not only do I get to do something I’ve absolutely always wanted to do, but I get to share the adventure with the love of my life and some great friends too! I. Can. Not. WAIT!
Let YOUR spirit of adventure out to play and see where it takes you. Life’s short, get out and LIVE IT!