I may be The Blessings Butterfly and love to share the bright side of things, but even I get scared sometimes.
Yesterday I was overwhelmed by a nasty case of fear and self-doubt. My ego was so scared, so intimidated by the BIG goals that I’ve set that it became downright ugly. I felt that old familiar panic rising in my chest, my eyes wide and filled with tears, my speech jumbled and angry and peppered with swear words.
Oh, did I forget to mention that I was sitting in a restaurant at dinner with my boyfriend at the time this all went down? Yeahhhhh… #awkward
We were talking about my work, and he very innocently asked me some numbers questions and how I was planning to meet them. Not an attack by any means, but my panic button went off inside me. Tears, tapping fingers, Ugh! Not my finest moment. I assured him that he didn’t make me cry. No, it was my own fears that had crept up on me, my own self-doubt that made me cry into my chips & salsa. We talked there for a few minutes more, and decided to take the conversation home when it became apparent that I was dealing with something more than spicy food.
When we got back to my house, I showed him my newly completed chalkboards with my big, exciting goals listed out on them, and we talked some more. He was a rock, calm and steady and sensible. I said, “I just need you to believe in me.” And he said the magic words back to me, “I do believe in you.” Hugs. Kisses. More hugs, more kisses.
I spent the rest of the night taking some quiet time for myself and working through the fears and self-doubt. I reminded myself that I do know what I’m doing, and that I can ask for help at any time as I continue to build my team and pursue my dreams. I’m not quitting on myself, because I can freaking do this.